It's hard to avoid arguing

[alleynbard]

For me at least, there are certain people that - if I wasn't ignoring them, then every time I saw their name my hackles would raise, my blood would pump hard, and I'd snarl "THAT GUY" and gear up for a fight. Even if all he did was post smilies, I'm still viewing it in a negative light.

That guy might very well have valid points and be a very nice person, but I am so biased against them that I'd never see the point through my crimson-tented glasses. So, it's better for both of us that I can't see his post.

... Boy, I seem to be the only guy confessing their horrible natures in this thread.

Oh...don't worry. I am the same way. There are certain names that just turn my crank. They might be great people, for all I know. I just haven't had any pleasant experiences with them here. And this is coming from someone who has primarily been a lurker for most of his time at ENWorld.

It would take a lot to be placed on my ignore list. The sucker isn't very long but not seeing the posts of those on it makes me a happier man.

I think the point that I am shutting out the good posts with the bad posts has merit. But I think, for now, it is better for my health if I don't see certain posts in the threads I enjoy reading.

I will be the first to admit my foibles. One of the very biggest is an over-reactionary nature. But I am working on it. Maybe, in time, I can have an empty ignore list. Just not right now.

 

[Scribe Ineti]

How about other people? Giving up on the arguements or keeping the "good fight" going?

I've learned the value of the delete post option as well as simply not clicking on the submit reply button. I can vent my spleen into a reply, take a deep breath, then close the window or surf elsewhere without adding the reply to the discussion. Self-editing has saved me a lot of grief.

 

[alleynbard]

I find it odd that people actually take notes on who annoys them. I've gotten in some heated arguments with people on this site, but it didn't occur to me to memorize their names and see if they irked me again. That's some holding of a grudge!

For me, it wasn't that I kept notes as much as I noticed patterns.

Like I said, I was a lurker for a long time. I had been coming to ENWorld from nearly the beginning (back in the Eric Noah days) but had never really posted. Around the time 4e was announced I tried my hand at posting. And promptly stopped. I still nosed around the boards looking for helpful advice, but I never said anything.

Recently I decided to change that because I thought I could enjoy some of these conversations more if I was taking part in them. It was at that point that I observed certain patterns that became associated with screen names. No grudges or anything. I haven't been around long enough to build any (I think ). But, based on patterns, and the context of how other posters react, I put a few people on my ignore list to help alleviate some stress.

 

[timbannock]

I have to agree that one of the least seen things on the intarwebz is someone actually acknowledging they've changed their mind. I mean, most times this happens, that poster just drops out of the thread, or plays it off as if he was saying that all along, or in some other way just avoids it.

I've argued here and on RPGnet, and several times my decisions changed based on solid arguments. I try to acknowledge it when it does, because it makes me feel original ;-)

 

[Piratecat]

I've learned the value of the delete post option as well as simply not clicking on the submit reply button. I can vent my spleen into a reply, take a deep breath, then close the window or surf elsewhere without adding the reply to the discussion. Self-editing has saved me a lot of grief.

I sometimes write posts three or four times, then never actually send them. Saves me a ton of grief and frustration.

We recently suspended one of those people who always needs to get in the last word... and, unsurprisingly, he was suspended for not being able to let an argument drop. Via email he argued that the forums were hostile and unfriendly. I pointed out that in this case it was because he kept attacking people and was consistently hostile, and that people often reap what they sow. He couldn't see it. And again, he wasn't able to let the subject drop and needed to get in the last word by email as well. Self-editing came in really handy for me here.

Interestingly, as an admin I can't really put anyone on my ignore list. Even if I could, the number of people could be counted on the fingers of one hand.

 

[La Bete]

I have to agree that one of the least seen things on the intarwebz is someone actually acknowledging they've changed their mind. I mean, most times this happens, that poster just drops out of the thread, or plays it off as if he was saying that all along, or in some other way just avoids it.

A side effect of this is that I have quite a bit of respect for those posters who put their hand up and say "yep, I was wrong".

 

[Nymrohd]

I sometimes write posts three or four times, then never actually send them. Saves me a ton of grief and frustration.

We recently suspended one of those people who always needs to get in the last word... and, unsurprisingly, he was suspended for not being able to let an argument drop. Via email he argued that the forums were hostile and unfriendly. I pointed out that in this case it was because he kept attacking people and was consistently hostile, and that people often reap what they sow. He couldn't see it. And again, he wasn't able to let the subject drop and needed to get in the last word by email as well. Self-editing came in really handy for me here.

Interestingly, as an admin I can't really put anyone on my ignore list. Even if I could, the number of people could be counted on the fingers of one hand.

I do that all the time too, and not only with posts I think will serve as nothing more than aggravation but also when I just realise my point is not as relevant or the people who will read it are not really going to process it anyways. As for people who have to have the final word . . . there was this one girl on WoW that I ignored. She kept making alts so she could keep pestering me and I had to ignore each one. Then at some point she found my guild's website and started posting there. After banning her from that place as well she started sending e-mails. Seriously.

 

[billd91]

Argument is a good thing when people lay out their positions, make their explanations, think about each other's view points, etc.

But too many arguments around here turn into bickering and posts start talking past each other rather than too each other. I think it's a symptom of getting too entrenched in your argument and thinking of your responses than actually understanding what the other poster is saying. And quite frankly, there's little that's as annoying on a message board than reading a response in an argument that doesn't indicate that they really understood or even tried to understand your last post.

I'd really like to see more of us actually restating the position of the post they're responding to so that they can confirm they got the point. Or asking for clarification. Something like:

Poster A: "I don't like 4e. It's too video-gamey..."

Poster B: "It doesn't feel like any video games I've played, what do you mean..." (seeking clarification)

Poster A: "You blow some powers that won't recharge in the course of the encounter and then hammer the at will attack button until the enemy goes down... like WoW."

Poster B: "I can see where, in that light, it parallels WoW, (making it at least appear you get the point) but a lot of games, including older editions aren't that different, like hitting repeatedly with a sword in nearly any edition. Plus they draw from the same source of tabletop gaming, it's no wonder there's some convergence..."

 

[GMforPowergamers]

I am one of those people that doesn't let things drop. I always want to get in the last word, and I always jump into things when i seee things I disagree with.
The funny part I am 100% diffrent in person. I also do better at expressing myself in person. I hate myself on messege boards. Like right now, I tried to start a thread the other day to avoid a fight I saw comeing, and all it did was start another fight. SO then I saw a simalar thread, and tried to go there to talk civil, and now I am in another argument.

 

[kitsune9]

Some of the threads I've seen lately get so derailed by people arguing the same points over and over again.

And I know the mods have told me a time or two to tone it down a notch.

It's hard to avoid arguing isn't it?

It's hard to avoid hitting the old reply button.

But man, I'm trying harder and harder lately. It's just not worth it. No one ever goes, "Man, that's an awesome point. I've completely changed my mind. Thanks for pointing me in the right direction."

How about other people? Giving up on the arguements or keeping the "good fight" going?

It depends kind of. I can see the validity of it in politics and more "mature" topics that affect our society today as something to debate and argue over, but stuff like what alignment is Batman or other dorkrage topics are not worth getting into an argument and half the time aren't even worth discussing.

A question one could ask themselves is why they feel the need to respond? What is the benefit or perceived benefit from doing it?