People often bristle at the term sexism. I think in many cases, when someone hears that term, perhaps even aimed at their behavior, they are hearing stuff like bigotry, oppression, and so forth. I think it is very difficult for some people to understand that sexism can refer to gender-based centrism. Precisely because men hold the (generally, mostly) dominant position in society, and because masculine values are considered to be simply values, and because gaming is demographically skewed toward males, there are a lot of male gamers who are generally incapable of understanding how their lack of mental flexibility makes it hard to see sexism. It is not because a person necessarily is acting from malice or to be patronizing, or because they are ignorant. It is because they are male, and our society socializes men and women differently, and they have not yet made the jouryney in the other gender's moccasins. If they are white, and most are, they have the double whammy of having perhaps never been in the less privileged class, so not only do they lack the experience of being a woman, they lack the experience of dealing with dominant privilege altogether. And they don't know that they lack this experience. Being culturally sensitive is just not that common.
And the someone will turn around and say, "I am white and male and I am not androcentric." And I will tell them they are wrong. Then they will say I am accusing them. And I will say, "No, I am stating what is most likely the truth. Because I am sexist and racist. And you are sexist and racist. Everyone is. The world could not function, not even for an hour, without stereotypes. And all of us get through the day a little easier because we lean on our prejudices, which reduces the anxiety we feel about this big, confusing, diverse, and threatening world. So I know, if every truly culturally sensitive person I know is willing to admit that they themselves struggle with their own issues, that you, my friend, have issues of your own."
Being sensitive is not about sainthood, or doing or saying the right thing. You really, truly cannot go through life without offending someone because people are not predictable in that way. It will happen. The point is to be flexible. You have to look at your own issues. And you have to empathize with the other person, not just to give them your concern, but actually try to understand them. There are tons of people in this world who will care for you, but to be known is something rare and wonderful.
While I hesitate to generalize, my general assumption is the less you perceive prejudice, the more likely you are swimming in it. If you think ENworld and the rest of the online RPG community is dandy as it is, you have identified with the privileged culture. If you think "neutrality" and "civil" behavior protect people's feelings, you have not been oppressed.
It's a rare week when I don't see some comment on ENWorld that does not deserve to be held up to the light of day. Just because I know there is nothing to be gained by breaking the rules, or derailing a thread, or detracting from the focus of the site, or arguing with a stranger on the 'Net does not mean I am satisfied. I just accept it.
If you don't walk through life with that sadness, you are privileged and blessed.
