Positivity: What I'm doing to combat sexism in TTRPGs

[Circa 1976]

Me: Have at you, vile Sexism! (lunges with sword)
Sexism: (parries sword attack with his sword) I have existed since humans began stacking stones, and I shall always exist! Your petty words count for nothing! (makes sweeping attack)
Me: (parries sweeping attack) Ha, villain! Arrogance and a foolish disregard for your ever-growing list of foes shall be your downfall! (tries for a neck slash)
Sexism: (ducks and avoids head removal) Fool! I am like Hydra! Reform a sexist, and two more shall grow in his place! (raises blade into a guard position)
Me: (pause) Hey kid, don't look now, but yer shoelace is untied...

(sigh) If only it were that simple.

Speaking strictly for myself, of course, eight years of being bullied in public schools and in rather creative ways - and about the time when the woolly mammoth was trampling on dinosaur bones - has given me but one gift. It has permitted me to feel empathy for anybody who has to suffer cruelty just because they're different (yes, birds too). Anyway, all the discussions of late regarding subjects such as Chris Danielson's paper on gender stereotyping, Jean Wells' treatment at TSR, the essays of Aaron Trammell, Jon Peterson, and Gregory Alan Fine and, of course, the legacy of Gary Gygax - including the pushback letter to Dragon's editor from Gary's daughter Heidi, got me to asking myself "In what ways are you contributing to this fight?"

And that, to me, is the real crux of the issue moving forward. I'm not at all suggesting anything glib like "yeah, yeah, we all know Gary Gygax was this, and Lorraine Williams was that, and let's like, you know, leave it in the past." On the contrary, the issue and its anchors to the past need to continue to be discussed until sexism (at least at the gaming table) is in the ground. That being said, I submit that discussion alone will not prevent the ugly head of sexism from rearing. In combatting sexism, as with anything worth fighting against, discussion is best paired with action. To that end, here's a couple of things I do in my corner of the TTRPG world:

1. Since about the mid-1990s, whenever I author a gaming adventure or module, I always refer the DM/GM as "she". Example: "If the GM opts to enforce this rule in her gaming sessions, she may also wish to consider...". Since the founding of the TTPRG hobby, a myriad of otherwise memorable commercial rule books, supplements, and adventure modules have always referred to the DM/GM in the male context. That always irked me (a little).

2. To date, I have pushed/prodded at the point of a battle-lance three of my lady gaming associates into the GM's chair*, and I'm bugging a fourth (my DM's GF) even unto this day. In fact, this morning's phone call featured these words: "I really like role-playing, but I could never do what you and Josh do; I'm not that creative." We'll see about that.
* -- Rebbecca in particular is much feared.

Could I do more? Probably, although what exactly I am unsure of. That's why I'm pestering you people. Readers who believe that I'm doing little more than paying lip service need not reply.

 

[Snarf Zagyg]

Speaking strictly for myself, of course, eight years of being bullied in public schools and in rather creative ways - and about the time when the woolly mammoth was trampling on dinosaur bones - has given me but one gift. It has permitted me to feel empathy for anybody who has to suffer cruelty just because they're different (yes, birds too).

I appreciate that you are aware of the issue, and doing those things that you can to address it!

I would like to add the following:

1. I am replying to this part of your post for a reason. The thing that is so disheartening to me about so much of the pushback and anger and even ... hate ... is where it is coming from. A lot of the loudest voices are older voices, unfortunately. And what you wrote- that is so true. Nerd culture has, for the most part, won. But it wasn't always this way. At all. D&D was a place where a lot of marginalized and bullied people could come together and feel a sense of belonging and community.

For that reason, I am so so so angry that a lot of the older gaming community doesn't seem to understand that what they are doing now? That's bullying. That's acting as the arbiters of what types of people are "worthy" to play the game. They are acting exactly like the people who used to ostracize and bully them did. Remember your past, and let people find themselves and their community without you trying to police it.

D&D is a game for everyone!


2. Action matters so much. We are inundated constantly with news from around the nation, from around the world, and even from imaginary countries (like "Canada" and "New Zealand") that can be sad, angering, or terrifying. And there is nothing we can do about it. But we can do things in our local community! We can volunteer, we can mentor, we help people, we can run D&D games at a local library ... the options are endless.

And when you do good, you feel good! More importantly, you make the world a better place, even if only a little.



3. As for sexism in games, I have no magic bullet. I have run D&D games for the local youth, and my goal is always to get them to start running their own. Which has happened repeatedly; I am sad to see them go, but happy that they get to do their own thing. While the ratios have unfortunately been somewhat male-skewed, it's more like 60/40 .... which is a lot different than the old days. I actually think that the youth have a pretty good handle on respectfully treating each other, or maybe I have just lucked out.

 

[Alder'N'Bone]

Yeah, that's a great start to the fight, but it's just the beginning. Talking about it is important, but actually doing something is key. I like your "she" thing, subtle but effective. Getting more women GMs is HUGE. It's not just about representation; it's about changing the whole culture.

 

[Ringtail]

As someone who likes to play with minis, I really want to see more women minis on the table, and I don't just mean PCs.

I mean like, I have orcs, town guards, goblins, etc in my mini box and they're all men.

For example, I'm looking to get minis for Cyberpunk/Modern and Anvil Industry has both Men and Women versions of most of their stuff. Vae Victis has women orcs in their orc pack, that sort of thing.

 

[Circa 1976]

1. I am replying to this part of your post for a reason. The thing that is so disheartening to me about so much of the pushback and anger and even ... hate ... is where it is coming from. A lot of the loudest voices are older voices, unfortunately. And what you wrote- that is so true. Nerd culture has, for the most part, won. But it wasn't always this way. At all. D&D was a place where a lot of marginalized and bullied people could come together and feel a sense of belonging and community.

For that reason, I am so so so angry that a lot of the older gaming community doesn't seem to understand that what they are doing now? That's bullying. That's acting as the arbiters of what types of people are "worthy" to play the game. They are acting exactly like the people who used to ostracize and bully them did. Remember your past, and let people find themselves and their community without you trying to police it.

Well, take heart then. I just happen to be in that older demographic. (Circa 1976!)

 

[Snarf Zagyg]

Well, take heart then. I just happen to be in that older demographic. (Circa 1976!)

I know! Most of the older gamers? GREAT.

But the bad ones are SO LOUD......

 

[Bagpuss]

I don't really do much significant in the RPG scene, I GM at a convention regularly, and I've helped with editing and writing in a couple of Call of Cthulhu scenarios, but I wouldn't call myself a RPG writer.

Still in the scenarios I run I always make an effort to have a diverse group of player characters to choose from. The CoC scenario was originally all white male and English PCs, but I introduced female characters and more diverse backgrounds.

A lot of the sexism comes from the era this all started in and it's origins in wargaming which was traditionally a male hobby, times change, and RPGs are changing with the times. If anything I would say RPGs are ahead of society as a whole, since they have been generally been pretty welcoming to people. You can't change the past (and I don't think it helps to dwell on it) but the future is generally bright for RPGs believe.

 

[Circa 1976]

I know! Most of the older gamers? GREAT.

But the bad ones are SO LOUD......

I've got this proven method for handling those, but it works only once per game session.

What you do is hide a rolled-up sock in a bag of crisps (it has to be clean if you don't want to sully the crisps). Then, the next time motor-head opens a mouth, fill it!

 

[Alerad]

Your two points resonate deeply. Using "she" as the default pronoun in your work is a subtle but impactful way to normalize the presence of women in GM roles. Representation matters, and small changes like this can help shift assumptions about who belongs in the hobby. Often, the most significant hurdles are internalized doubts or a lack of role models, so your persistence and support might be exactly what they need.

As for whether you can do more, you’re already asking the right questions, which is a huge step. Here are my ideas.
1. Advocate for diverse voices in design. If you’re in a position to, seek out or amplify the work of creators from underrepresented groups. Encouraging publishers to include diverse voices in game design, writing, and art helps ensure broader perspectives in the hobby.
2. Run inclusive games. Set a standard for inclusivity at your own table by creating spaces that welcome people of all genders, backgrounds, and experiences. This might include incorporating diverse NPCs, storylines, or worlds that reflect a broader spectrum of identities.
3. Mentorship. Beyond encouraging women to GM, consider offering mentorship or GM workshops. Sometimes people just need a little guidance to take the leap.
4. Collaborate on resources. If you enjoy writing and publishing, consider creating tools, guides, or settings that make inclusivity easier for others to implement. For instance, "how-to" guides for running games with diverse players or crafting respectful, inclusive narratives could make a difference.
The discussions you mentioned provide context and remind us why the fight against sexism and other forms of bias continues to matter. Pairing those discussions with action makes all the difference.

 

[Morrus]

The thing that is so disheartening to me about so much of the pushback and anger and even ... hate ... is where it is coming from. A lot of the loudest voices are older voices, unfortunately. And what you wrote- that is so true. Nerd culture has, for the most part, won. But it wasn't always this way. At all. D&D was a place where a lot of marginalized and bullied people could come together and feel a sense of belonging and community.

For that reason, I am so so so angry that a lot of the older gaming community doesn't seem to understand that what they are doing now? That's bullying. That's acting as the arbiters of what types of people are "worthy" to play the game. They are acting exactly like the people who used to ostracize and bully them did. Remember your past, and let people find themselves and their community without you trying to police it.

This is so sad. The idea that "I was bullied so I must bully you" is heartbreaking. The opposite should be the case. Nobody should want others to experience the hurt that they felt.

Yes, nerds were bullied. We get it. We all know that. And now nerds are cool. That doesn't mean that now it's the turn of somebody else. It's not a badge of achievement, it's a sad historical reality of human nature. We're supposed move on from it, not become those people.