If someone is walking away when it is not their turn, they are not participating in the same activity that I think of when I play a roleplaying game. They may be having a ton of fun. I'm not making a relative value statement there. But we are not talking about two different ways to achieve the same thing, we are talking about achieving two different things.
I suppose if the rest of us were invested in your personal, internal definition of "roleplaying game", this would be important to the conversation. But it's just your own definition; everyone else has one in their head, too.
Your personal definition of "engaging", from what I can see here anyway, has some strong implications of a Heavy Immersionist style, where it's fine if the game isn't particularly interactive for a while as long as everybody at the table is strongly engaged in imagining the game world and feeling an internal sense of their character.
Fair enough, that's a fairly common play style. But it sure ain't the only one. And boy howdy, is certainly is the one play style whose proponents tend to say that other play styles aren't really "roleplaying". Expecting other people to adopt your own preferences doesn't really make any more sense than them expecting you to adopt theirs.
You're entitled to your opinion, certainly, but the crux of your argument is that long handling times don't matter because even people who haven't gotten to take any action for hours, because their character is dead, are still fully engaged. And that that is by far the most common play style, and nobody should have a reason to complain about it. I'm sure you feel that way, yes, but surely you can see that there are other people don't feel that way, possibly because they are telling you here in this thread "I don't feel that way."

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