Would you prefer it if your partner said you were a great GM, or great in bed?

[Argyle King]

Neither


From my view, one of the things both GMing and 'post gaming activities' have in common is that the communication regarding quality will best come from nonverbal cues.

While it would be nice to have someone tell me I am a good GM, I find it more satisfying when their actions and nonverbal cues say it instead. When I look around the table and see that the players are enjoying the game, that means more to me than someone telling me that I am doing a good job. When someone gets so sucked into the story that they legitimately show some level of emotion toward a NPC, that puts a smile on my face. When I saw someone a week ago that I hadn't seen in nearly two years, and one of their first questions was if I would start running a game again, that made me feel good. Hearing the words are nice, but I find that they don't mean as much as the other signs of being good.

Likewise, I find body language, body spasms, and other such things to be better than words. Still, words aren't without merit. A poem I wrote a few years back might express the topic better.

Natural Disaster
Sweat drips
Walls shake
Muscles clench
Bodies quiver
Rapid pulse
Erotic earthquake

Hours pass
Biological clocks
Time stands still
Gasp for air
Nearly drowning
Fierce aftershocks

Heat
Volcanic eruption
Head spinning
Cyclone swirl
Thought disruption
Carnal thunder
Hurricane seduction

Teeth
Claws
You say faster
You say please
Embrace me
Taste me
Take me
Give me another
Natural disaster​

 

[Barastrondo]

Dear Gary:

Ever since my wife joined my campaign, she's constantly comparing my refereeing style to that of her previous DMs. Especially the DM of the first campaign she ever played in; she's always telling me how he would have ruled differently, or how clever and detailed his campaign world was, or how real the NPCs were. Should I be worried?

Signed, Reality Or Fantasy Life

Gentle Reader:

-- Only if she calls out his name instead of yours when she rolls a crit. Otherwise, you're fine.

 

[Delwugor]

Married 20 years ... I'm more concerned about frequency than compliments.

 

[Heathen72]

My ego is impervious to her incorrectly believing that I'm deficient in either category.

I think I struggle with this supposed dichotomy because I've been doing both things with my wife for over 20 years. Of course I'm damned good at it! Furthermore, if I've somehow been doing either wrong for some portion of that time then I think the onus is on her to let me know her preferences such that I can improve.

In the interest of at least approaching the question however, I'll note that I probably wouldn't be as good in bed with somebody else whereas I've had lots and lots of practice GMing for other people. Part of the reason that I'm a good GM in general however is that, when she's not actively playing, my wife helps give me amazing ideas as to how to GM for others.

If I apply that line of thinking to the other side of the equation...


I'll be in my bunk.

Hi Rel,

I agree that the poll could have been better worded. I was in a hurry to get it finished, and I forgot that they couldn't be edited. I was hoping that the text in the OP clarified things.

However, I don't believe there is any "supposed" dichotomy. Note that I wasn't actually asking whether or not you were you great or lousy at either or both of the activities (though thanks for telling us,though, I guess). I am sure that many people here are great at both. Or lousy at both. Or good at one but not the other. Or Good at the other one and mediocre at the first, etc. In any case, they can tick all the answers if they want, or none.

What I was asking you to indicate was what your preference would be to be told if given the choice. For instance, If you were having a fight with your significant other what would hurt you more? e.g.,

Her: "Oh, and you are a total disappointment in the downstairs department!"

or

Her: "Oh, yeah?! Well, you are an embarrassingly bad GamesMaster!"

You: "What?! but you don't even play Role Playing Games!"

Her: "Yes, but I watch you run them and you are boring, you have no narrative flow and you are hopeless at measuring the interest level of your players. Your world is totally unrealistic and and you always get the rules wrong. My hamster could do better. What you don't know is that I am actually a gamer, but never told you because I was scared you would want to run a game for me!"

And so on...

There is a dichotomy here of sorts, but given that it's is a matter of preference, I am not sure what makes it "supposed"

 

[El Mahdi]

I'd have phrased the beginning of the question differently, i.e., "which would you prefer:".

I tried that...but it wouldn't have worked as well for the latter two questions, and I was in a hurry to get the poll up and you can't edit them, dammit...

Premature poll erection is a common problem on threads of this sort...

 

[Rel]

I agree that the poll could have been better worded. I was in a hurry to get it finished, and I forgot that they couldn't be edited. I was hoping that the text in the OP clarified things.

However, I don't believe there is any "supposed" dichotomy. Note that I wasn't actually asking whether or not you were you great or lousy at either or both of the activities (though thanks for telling us,though, I guess). I am sure that many people here are great at both. Or lousy at both. Or good at one but not the other. Or Good at the other one and mediocre at the first, etc. In any case, they can tick all the answers if they want, or none.

What I was asking you to indicate was what your preference would be to be told if given the choice. For instance, If you were having a fight with your significant other what would hurt you more?

It's all good man. I wasn't really meaning to pick on the wording of your fairly straightforward question. Just hard to wrap my brain around either because (a) I know that my wife and are are good in both departments and (b) we don't fight like that. The fact that we almost never raise our voices at one another or say things to tear the other down if we get into a disagreement is probably the single biggest contributor to our long and happy relationship.

After considering it a bit though, I've come to the conclusion that I'd be a lot more hurt about her criticizing my bedroom performance. I mean I like sex a lot. And I take pride in my work there. But moreover, physical intimacy is my "love language" (if you don't know what your love language is as well as that of your spouse then you should figure that out TODAY). And for her to criticize me in that particular area would feel very unloving to me.

 

[Morrus]

I don't understand my website any more.

 

[Heathen72]

I don't understand my website any more.

The world has changed, Morrus. Gaming has changed. A new order is sweeping... Err, sorry, got carried away there!

I am not trolling. Honest! I am not even trying to use 'Sex Sells!' I am just trying to figure out how important to people's self esteem being a good GM is.

An actor friend of mine once said she could never date someone who was a bad actor. I used to wonder which would offend her more - being called a bad lover or a bad actor...

 

[Heathen72]

Even if I wasn't significant other-less currently, the question is too limited because the answer that I feel matters isn't one of the choices.

I can't address too much of that without danger of crossing the "grandma" line. To be short, what is important to me in an SO is how zie feels about the whole me, not just my prowess in the sack.

So it's not because you had wanted me to include locations in the poll other than the bedroom, then?

 

[Theo R Cwithin]

So it's not because you had wanted me to include locations in the poll other than the bedroom, then?

Wait, wait, wait... isnt that what "playing D&D at the kitchen table" has always meant??
Or have I been doing it wrong all these years?