Things not to do at the table. CAUTION!

[imurphy943]

In American D&D, there are half-orcs and half-elves.
In Soviet Russian D&D, there are half-humans and half-humans.

In American D&D, you take feats.
In Soviet Russian D&D, the drow interrogators take your feets!

In American D&D, Everybody laughs at the gelatinous cube and owlbear.
In Soviet Russian D&D, Everybody laughs at the gelatinous owl and cubebear.

In American D&ampD, you roll 4 dice and take away the lowest.
In Soviet Russian D&ampD, you roll 4 dice and someone else takes away the highest.

In American Mazes & Minotaurs, you make gold by obeying the gods.
In Soviet Russian Mazes & Minotairs, you make gold by obeying the gods, but only atheists get to keep any.

 

[Summer-Knight925]

In soviet Ridera, dreams have you!

 

[Thunderfoot]

As to the Soviet jokes - I covered this here
But I'll re-post for continuity:

Had a 3.x Human Cleric named Konstintine Gregorov Barransky (KGB), everyone called him Ivan for short. - he took the martial weapons feat and used a hammer and sickle as his weapons.
"Da Komerade, I am wery glad to meet you. Now, please to be dying..."
Played him as dry as dust and that made for some great unintentional comic relief.

Now - back to the thread:

• NEVER, EVER, EVER tell the DM "Dude, your mom is hot!", just before you enter combat.. Trust me, nothing good will ever come of it.
• Never use good, well painted minis if the household has a cat.
• When telling a joke or making a funny quip first check to make sure no one else has just taken a drink of anything (Showering before gaming, good! Showering WHILE gaming, bad!)
• If playing on a floor instead of at a table, ensure the lap you lay your head on belongs to YOUR wife/girlfriend BEFORE you lay your head back and grab her back side. (That was an awkward few gaming sessions after that)
• Never pull out your own copy of the module the DM is running to verify he's doing it correctly.
• Falling asleep at the table is frowned upon; Falling asleep and dropping your head in the salsa at the table is perfectly acceptable (and funny as hell).
• Playing your character using an intercom while using the restroom is strictly FORBIDDEN!!!

(Unfortunately ALL of these things were learned the hard way...)

 

[Pentius]

Well, naturally it's common sense to wait until after the session to tell the DM about his attractive family members.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

When telling a joke or making a funny quip first check to make sure no one else has just taken a drink of anything (Showering before gaming, good! Showering WHILE gaming, bad!)

Au contraire, mon frere! At our table, getting someone to splurgle is considered to be the Holy Grail* at our table. A lumpy salsa splurgle is among the most desirable.



* Ah already GOT one.

 

[Gulla]

Well, naturally it's common sense to wait until after the session to tell the DM about his attractive family members.

Telling the GM that she is the attractive family member should be done at the start of the session, though...

 

[Pentius]

Telling the GM that she is the attractive family member should be done at the start of the session, though...

It depends. That is a potentially risky venture, not to be attempted by those with average or lower Charisma.

 

[Fox Lee]

* Hold it in. NO EXCUSES. If I can do it you can do it.
* The host is not responsible if you expose your toes to the ferrets.

 

[jonesy]

..the gelatinous owl and cubebear.

Ow, ow, ow, my poor brain.

 

[Hussar]

Au contraire, mon frere! At our table, getting someone to splurgle is considered to be the Holy Grail* at our table. A lumpy salsa splurgle is among the most desirable.



* Ah already GOT one.

Splurgle. Now there's a nifty new word.