D&D 5E Wandering Monsters: The Little Guys

[Salamandyr]

I haven't more viscerally disagreed with the direction of one of these monster articles, since they introduced their idea of the halfling.

 

[wedgeski]

"Comedic" isn't a species trait, it's a style of play.

Semantic fisty-cuffs aside, the article describes short-sighted and self-defeating traits/behaviour/whatever that could easily *seem* comic to the PC's.

 

[DMZ2112]

I haven't more viscerally disagreed with the direction of one of these monster articles, since they introduced their idea of the halfling.

What I'm most upset by, I think, is that the community apparently thinks the Pathfinder characterization of goblins is well designed. What the hell, people, demand more.

Semantic fisty-cuffs aside, the article describes short-sighted and self-defeating traits/behaviour/whatever that could easily *seem* comic to the PC's.

Now /that's/ semantic.

 

[I'm A Banana]

I think they're REALLY distinct, in my mind. And also both quite scary, in their own way. Cowardice manifests in different ways in both races - ultimately, its a reluctance to engage in straightforward combat. Goblins use darkness, kobolds use traps and devices, but neither one fights fair, because they know they're weak.

In fact, lets do a three-point-style breakdown:

Goblins : http://www.enworld.org/forum/content.php?437-Fear-of-the-Dark-The-Mythopoetry-of-Goblins

• Lurkers in Darkness: Goblins see in the dark, and are sneaky and cowardly: they use the cover of darkness to ambush their targets.
• Predators of the Weak: Goblins prey on the old, the disabled, the elderly. They invade towns to eat the children. They will snatch babies from cribs next to open windows, hide under your bed or in your closet and kill your toddler. Actual armed adults are things they stay away from.
• A Howl In the Night: Goblins can see in the dark. Their allies, the wolves, have great scent and hearing. The reason they're found together is because they work GREAT together to prey on the things that are sleeping and vulnerable in the night-time. Ambush, surprise, a howl and a cackle that let you know that somewhere, someone sleeping peacefully in their bed just had their throat ripped out and their hot blood drank by the sharp-toothed little blighters.

(and, though it's 10 years old, Maglubiyet)
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MAGLUBIYET
The High Chieftan

Alignment: Neutral Evil
Worshipers: Goblins
Domains: Destruction, Evil, Trickery
Favored Weapon: Battleaxe
Home Plane/Domain: Gehenna/Bloodfire Falls
Pantheon: Goblin
Divine Rank: Greater Deity (16)
Classes: Rogue, Fighter
Portfolio: Goblins, stealth, the underground
Salient Abilities: (21) Alter Form, Alter Size, Annihilating Strike, Avatar, Banestrike (Gnomes), Banestrike (Dwarves), Call Creatures (worgs), Call Creatures (goblins), Control Creatures (worgs), Divine Blessing (Dexterity), Divine Celerity, Divine Dodge, Divine Rogue, Divine Sneak Attack, Extra Energy Immunity (Fire), Divine Energy Resistance, Shift Form (Worg), Supreme Initiative, Wound Enemy
Special Possessions: Cinder, a +5 unholy, mighty cleaving battle axe
Alternate Domains: Community, Darkness
Symbol: A bloody battleaxe

NOTE
I've changed up the domains slightly. the MM says they get Chaos, Evil, and Trickery, while Defenders of the Faith says they get Chaos, Destruction, Evil, and Trickery. Because Maglubiyet isn't Chaotic, I decided to drop the Chaos domain in favor of the other three, which are also listed in the Hobgoblin entry.

DESCRIPTION
From Defenders of the Faith: "The goblin god Maglubiyet is neutral evil. He is patron and ruler of both goblins and hobgoblins, and governs war and rulership among both races."
Phsyically, Maglubiyet appears as a hulking goblin larger than a human, with deep black skin, and red eyes that burn with an aura of flame.

DOGMA
Maglubiyet believes in the simple doctrine of kill or be killed. He mandates that those who believe in him take what they can from the world, and share it with no one. In a world where you are small and numerous, Maglubiyet preches that you must not succumb to the false lures of compassion and kindness -- you must sieze upon any weakness in your enemy, take what you can from them, and treat them as no less than those who want you dead. They are enemies to be squashed. There is no friendship. There is no kindness. There is only weakness, and enemies. Goblins must never give quarter, because the moment they do, they will be destroyed.

CLERGY AND TEMPLES
The clergy of Maglubiyet is very central to his workings in the everyday lives of goblins. They are his hand in the material world, and so hold a position of honor and respect amongst the goblin tribes. They are held to be powerful, and while no goblin would ever call another friend, most tribes are more than happy to use the power of this clergy to further their own ends. They usually don't lead tribes, but they are often found quite useful by those who do, leading them to a certain valued station.
Temples dedicated to the High Chieftan generally are hewn out of the rock around a goblin's home warrens, and tend to be decorated with the signs of the conquest of the tribe (which can include other goblinoids). This helps instill what the priests feel is proper reverence for their powers.

RITES AND RITUALS
Maglubiyet's clerics often dress in the religion's colors of black and red, and often have an unusual amount of stealth about most of what they do, forgoing the usual heavy armors and cudgels of a typical cleric in favor of battleaxes and leather armor. Followers dedicate their conquests to the god by ritualistically beheading those they kill in battle (they don't usually save the heads as trophies, seeing it as morbid, petty, and worst of all too much work).
Mass rituals dedicated to the deity happen whenever a new ground is found and conquerored, in thanks and appropriation. When a race is as focused on greed as the goblins, it is always prudent to make sure beheadings are plenty and offerings are burnt properly, ensuring that Maglubiyet won't take out his greed on you.

MYTHOGRAPHY
The weak are leading the strong.
The racial god of the goblins, Maglubiyet is also the main deity worshiped by the hobogblins, the more ordered and militaristic branch of the goblin pantheon. Also, the hobgoblins are considerally larger and stronger, and aparently also smarter, than their goblin kin. Why, then, is Maglubiyet worshiped above all?
The answer lies in his paranoia. The hobgoblins, when they first splintered from their cousins, did attempt to found numerous new religions and faiths, but they were destroyed by the clerics of Maglubiyet, and the faithful to this heathen hobgoblin god were sacrificed. Ever since that time, the goblin nation has been quietly brooding at the feat of the hobgoblins, manipulating and controlling much of what they do from a religious standpoint. Many hobgoblins have gone into the worship of Maglubiyet, and have teamed up with the smaller race, cementing their power over the hobgoblins. Maglubiyet allows no god to ever take his place amonst either the goblins or the hobgoblins, and exterminates any potential rival with extreme force. His pantheon does have a hobgoblin-specific deity, but the creature is more a token racial deity than a true risk to Magluiyet's lordship.
This creates an unusual dichotomy in the racial structure of the goblinoids. Normally, hobgoblins can be seen leading and bullying other goblins (which is perfectly permissible to the priests of Maglubiyet), but they may preserve the religious leaders of a community. Hobgoblins have also been known to execute many goblins through inquisitions, and to bill themselves as the true heirs to Maglubiyet's power. Though no matter how cruel they are to the smaller race, the goblins never seem to go away, and frequently seem to successfully ignore the militaristic dominance of the hobgoblins.
Also, and interesting fact to note is Maglubiyet's change in alignment and personality. Earlier myths tell that the god was concerned with order and structure in society, and in life, and that a militaristic and controlled war was the most ideal way for conquest available to his people. Recently, however, he has fled from this dogma, stating that ANY means, ordred or chaotic, may be used to get what one wants. The hobgoblins, given their lawful tendancies, seem upset with this shift, and a surge in popularity for their racial god is surely to culminate with some sort of holy war against him soon.

LEGENDS
Maglubiyet is perhaps the most talked-about figure in the goblin pantheon, being more powerful than any of the goblinoid racial deities, and having several allies created as well. Tales are told about his war on the cubes of Acheron (which he eventually surrendered), and his recent move to Gehenna. Stories are told of his generals, and his allies (if you can call them that). Songs are sung of his dominance and conquest of the dwarven and gnomish nations. And, perhaps most commonly, tales are told of his alliance and support of the Worg, who have addopted him as a racial god as well.

ETC.
PrC's
· Worg Calvalry: A class devoted to riding the evil lupines.
· Inquisitor of Maglubiyet: Revealing the truth, and killing those who may not want to.
Plot Hooks
· Hobgoblin Nation: A slpinter groups of hobgoblins have broken off from the worship of Maglubiyet, and the goblins need a bit of help to show these guys the error of their ways -- at least before they manage to enact the sacrifice of an entire villiage to their own god.
· Goblin, Goblin Burning Bright: A lone goblin enacts a ritual to help himself become half-fiendish...which lures some unusual company here as both the Devils and the Demons fight for control of his eternal soul.
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Kobolds: http://www.enworld.org/forum/content.php?591-Risky-Rich-The-Mythopoetry-of-Kobolds

• Miners: Kobolds are part of the earth, part of the underground. They mine industriously, and make simple, practical tools and weapons. This mining is what brings them into conflict with many cities and towns: they're after the same resource. And Kobolds, unlike humans, live in the acid-ridden tunnels of the underground.
• Trap-Builders: Because they are clever and industrious and even kind of technologically advanced (they have decent metallurgy skills!), they're also adept at making traps -- even complex, mechanical traps. These things are the first line of defense. An encounter with kobolds should be an adventure with a bunch of one-hit critters that aren't much of a threat...and a litany of deadfalls, explosions, poison gasses, vermin swarms, spiked pits, and flaming oils.
• Vindictive, Passive-Aggressive Little Buggers: Part of what makes kobolds dangerous is that they hold grudges and won't fight you in your face. A single kobold is going to whine and beg for mercy and sycophantically acknowledge the power of the party, but it's not something you can trust when it leaves your sight. It WILL light your camp on fire, it WILL try to choke you in your sleep, it hates you with the burning passion of a thousand suns, it's just not stupid enough to try and take you on in a straight-up fight. This earns them a reputation for cowardice -- kobolds see it as discretion.

(and, though its 10 years old Kurtulmak)
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KURTULMAK
The Watcher

Alignment: Lawful Evil
Worshipers: Kobolds
Domains: Evil, Law, Luck, Trickery
Favored Weapon: Spear
Home Plane/Domain: Gehenna/The Skull Hill
Pantheon: Oerthian
Divine Rank: Intermediate Deity (15)
Classes: Fighter, Cleric, Rogue, Sorcerer
Portfolio: Kobolds, trapmaking, minig, war
Salient Abilities: (18) Alter Reality, Alter Size, Avatar, Banestrike (gnomes), Battlesense, Control Creatures (kobolds), Divine Blast, Divine Dodge, Divine Fast Healing, Divine Shield, Divine SKill Focus (Craft [trapmaking]), Extra Domain (Law), Grow Creatures (kobolds) Hand of Death, Mass Divine Blast, Supreme Initiative, Tunnel, Wound Enemy
Special Possessions: Foestinger, a +5 keen, lawful, unholy halfspear
Alternate Domains: Community, Darkness, Destruction, Magic, Scalykind, War
Symbol: A gnome's skull


DESCRIPTION, DOGMA, AND CLERGY AND TEMPLES
Described in Deities and Demigods, because scaly spear-wielding midgets are a great target market...and, of course, mostly ripped from the previous source, y'know, which could actually have the occasional creative moment. --J

RITES AND RITUALS
Kurtulmak's servants make prayers in the form of gloats and the establishment of victories, almost as if they must prove to the world that they are able to accomplish something, small and frail as their poeple are. Their litanies of their victories are as long as dwarven lineages, and often more scary, considering some of the things that the kobolds claim credit for.
Often, clerics of Kurtulmak will have a gnomish skull used somewhere within their armor or holy symbol, sometimes even the skull of a gnomish child so that they can wear it as a necklace or on a chain as a fetish. They present this rather proudly to those they oppose, both a celebration of victory (over the gnome whose skull it is) and a warning (that you could end up like that gnome).

MYTHOGRAPHY
Don't Tread on Me!
The plea has become a battlecry for one of the most trod-upon people of the world, the kobolds. With an unvoiced "...or else" at the end, the kobolds have turned being dimunitive into a badge of honor, and see their lack of strength as something to flaunt. In spite of trials, in spite of grudges, in spite of being small, weak, and easily crushed, they have accomplished much in the world.
Which is why some creature taking them so flippantly has created the most infamous grudge since Gruumsh and Corellon Larethian.
Kurtulmak, the quintessential kobold, play the bitter midget to a tee, taking great (nearly obscene) pride in the craftsmanship of mines and traps, just like the rest of his race. And when these things they take pride in are violated, it causes an unquenchable rage within them both, god and people. It is a wrath that many do not fear provoking from individual kobolds, but those same people turn pale when the dimunitive creature gets 50 or 60 of his friends and family to help take care of the snide bastard that insulted them.
If one treads on a kobold, they are likely to wind up impaled on a dozen spears. The same holds true for the iconic kobold, Kurtulmak, except that he's more than capable of placing most mortals on those spears himself.

LEGENDS
The most famous tale of Kurtulmak is that of his involvement with the gnomish deity Garl Glittergold. The Kobold god had challenged the gnomish god, calling him frivolous and weak. The gnomish god, with a smile, took it as a challenge. To prove his strength and dominance, the gnomish god infiltrated the mines of Kurtulmak, who quickly captured him and imprisoned him, having been prepared for the assult for some time. Where Kurtulmak erred was in his assumption that Garl would not be able to escape...the gnomish god had that in his plans the entire time, and managed to get how while Kurtulmak was in the process of inviting other gods to see his accomplishment. When a collection of divinities humored the dimunitive deity, Garl made his escape a great showcase, destroying the god's mine and humiliating the kobold.
Kurtulmak was not pleased. His great craftsmanship destroyed, his momentary fame ruined, he was shown to be a joke and a gloater, high on anger but low on ability. He dedicated his life, then and there, to the extermination of any and all gnomes he could find. He knew Garl would be more powerful than him, but he also knew how to use his rescources -- the innumerable kobold nations -- to destroy the gnomes and all their works whenever they could.
A few other legends survive, hinting at a much more ancient origin for Kurtulmak than would otherwise be assumed. It is said that he was one of the children of Io, destined to be a servant of the dragons. Other legends hint at Kurtulmak being one of the first gods of the very first furred creatures, arising from the kobolds. Others suggest that Kurtulmak is a dragon god punished for his refusal to honor Io, and thus is a large creature trapped in the body of a smaller one.

ETC.
Weapons
· Stinger: This exotic weapon can be wielded only by a race with a tail. When used in combat, it is a peircing weapon that deals 1d4 points of damage. Also, a small sack carries 5 doses of poison. The poison deals 1d6 initial and secondary damage to Constitution, and has a save DC of 25. The weapon is attatched to the tail, so that the creature can still use other weapons and/or a shield, but the normal penalties for fighting with two (or more) weapons apply. A kobold using a stinger does technically qualify for the Multiattack feat.
Spell
· Tunnel: A Sorc/Wiz 7 spell, this creates a tunnel 10 feet square and up to 10 ft/level long starting from where the caster stands and extending in any direction, even down. It is similar in most ways to the Passwall spell, except that the tunnel created is permanent. If a pit is created, the caster sinks to the bottom of the pit as the spell is cast. One can shape the tunnel however they see fit, adding loops, dives, etc. The caster can also choose to make the tunnel smaller, if they so desire
PrC's
· Dragon Deciple: See Tome and Blood. Many kobolds enjoy forming into dragons eventually.
· Trapmaster: A PrC devoted to the manufacture of powerful and deadly traps.
Plot Hooks
· Typical Princess Abduction: A kobold, in emulation of the dragons, has abducted a young princess from the local baronry. It's the typical hero-quest, until you find the *actual* dragon under the kobold's command.
· Repentance and Revenge: The curse put on the kobold race for their violation long ago is being discovered...and reversed. Slowly, all over the world, kobolds are becoming more and more draconian. Many races dread what would happen if these angry and (mostly) impotent creatures wielded that amount of power.
· The Dragon King: A league of dragons is ruled over by a hidden kobold king, who is commanding even the normally good and pure dragons to commit depraved deeds. Does he have some form of mind-control, or are Gold dragons willingly killing gnomes alongside Reds dragons for some greater reason than simple vengeance? Perhaps it has something to do with the recent gnomish invention?
[/sblock]

....those things don't feel like the same kind of monster to me at all, really.

And let me yet again repeat my mantra that it's an entirely narmed idea to try and make One Goblin To Rule Them All and use that as the definitional D&D goblin. I've got no problem with the wacky dog-hating goblins of Pathfinder, but I DO have a problem with being essentially told that this is The Goblin (tm). D&D doesn't need to strictly define its monsters in order to achieve a distinct brand identity, it can be the brand that lets you play with your own kind of goblins, the way you always thought they should be.

 

[Salamandyr]

Here's what I wrote in my comments on the article...

"Guys...have you ever seen a chimpanzee? They're small right, littler than humans, kind of cute? Have you ever seen one move a 500 lb log by dragging it? That's because, despite their size, they're massively stronger than humans.

That's goblins; they're not big, and if you hit them, they go down easy (they don't mass much, about the same as a 13 year old), but pound for pound, they're tougher than a normal human. There's a reason why humans need adventurers to fight them. They're tougher than humans. They're monsters.

Remember that scene in Jurassic Park II with the little dinosaurs? Yeah, one on one they aren't scary, but when they mob you, they cover you up and rip you apart. That's kobolds. Yes, they're weak, but you don't fight one of them. They crawl out of the wall like aliens and rip you apart. They crawl into your house at night and eat your children. They're monsters.

Oh, and wargs and goblins? Horses are "tougher" than humans, stronger too. Take more energy to kill. But we domesticated them. And there's no reason goblin warg riders have to be the 3 hp mooks anyway. They can be more the equivalent to human knights...tougher (more hp), and better armed than the average goblin."

Seriously...this direction is "rip pages out of the book" bad.

 

[DEFCON 1]

See, I don't see him "dictating" that they are both comic relief... but rather "acknowledging" that they HAVE been seen as comic relief, and that what they want to do and want to be can be seen as funny when you shine that image up against their natural small size and weakness.

Gnomes have always been traditionally known as tricksters. They're "comic relief" too. But not too many people seem to object when WotC acknowledges that. Now do some people make their gnomes deadly serious? Sure. But to say they are tricksters but NOT funny kinda goes against what being a trickster is. And by the same token... the dichotomy of a 3 foot, rat-faced weakling who tries to be a bully and push people around is in a general sense, usually amusing. Whether it's a goblin or anyone else. The same way the short bully in A Christmas Story is amusing when he pushes Ralphie and his friends around. Was the bully treated seriously and did the actor play him seriously? Yup. And of the two, he was the one you thought would actually kick the kids' asses. But that didn't matter. The image of this shrimp acting that way was still amusing. Which was the entire point of it.

To not acknowledge the dichotomy of what the goblins or kobold want to be versus what they actually are, is to ignore what is in front of all our faces... all in the name of "not offending" people who might want to use them differently.

But you know what? Not every monster is a blank slate. You can't make every player decide for themselves how every monster should be. Some signposts are not a bad thing. But it seems every time Wyatt posts an article about monsters and it has a bit of specificity to make them interesting, a handful of people jump up and down screaming that they don't want it because it means they can't use the monster how they want. They want the monster completely open to interpretation. Really? And how is that useful to anybody except yourself?

And then at that point, I just ask the same question over and over "Why do you even care about anything but the stats in the monster manual anyway? If you already have in your head how you see and want to play these monsters... just take the stats and ignore anything else, since nothing anyone writes will EVER match how you intend to play them."

 

[DMZ2112]

Here's what I wrote in my comments on the article...

Seriously...this direction is "rip pages out of the book" bad.

Great response! I haven't been able to comment on wizards.com since the site restructuring.

 

[Salamandyr]

Defcon 1...yes, I don't have to use them as written in the books, and I won't...because, ugh! but this direction will also dictate how those monsters are used in creative material put out by the company. So you'll be seeing those monsters being used as joke material in published modules, so it's important to me to influence the official "tone" as much as I can.

 

[JeffB]

Personally I think James doesnt have anything better to write about, so he is going for a Star Magazine/National Enquirer style just to stir things up. Schindehette had the same problem with nothing to write about either.

IMO, nearlyeverything is already set in stone at WOTC as far as Next rules and story elements are concerned, and they are just trying to keep people tuning in each week. They are simply looking for a general affirmation with these polls, and only a seriously large WTF? from the community will have them reconsider something.

 

[DMZ2112]

See, I don't see him "dictating" that they are both comic relief... but rather "acknowledging" that they HAVE been seen as comic relief, and that what they want to do and want to be can be seen as funny when you shine that image up against their natural small size and weakness.

That is an incredibly generous reading of his words.

Gnomes have always been traditionally known as tricksters. They're "comic relief" too. But not too many people seem to object when WotC acknowledges that.

I remember quite a hue and cry about the badger minion, actually.

They want the monster completely open to interpretation. Really? And how is that useful to anybody except yourself?

..."Yourself" here being... everybody? Because everybody has their own interpretation?

And then at that point, I just ask the same question over and over "Why do you even care about anything but the stats in the monster manual anyway? If you already have in your head how you see and want to play these monsters... just take the stats and ignore anything else, since nothing anyone writes will EVER match how you intend to play them."

It comes down to this: character? Or caricature?

We still don't know how D&D5 monster stat blocks are going to come out of the oven. A lot of people, myself included, are rooting for a more D&D4-like style, where monster behavior figures directly into their numerical statistics and abilities. A bad thematic choice by the design team could easily translate into statistics that will have to be houseruled by anyone not interested in that thematic choice.

At which point the question becomes not "why don't we just use the stats?" but "why are we buying these books, again?"

Taking a simplified example from the terrible Pathfinder characterization of goblins: my goblins, by contrast, are actually pretty smart. When I run in Pathfinder I have to use a completely custom stat block for goblins because their goblins are the poster children for severe brain damage. This is frustrating. It could potentially be /so much worse/ in D&D5 if they follow the D&D4 monster design strategy while caricaturing all of their monsters.