It wouldn't necessarily be that you're wanting imbalance, but that you are imbalance. That could be where your rage comes from. You could have been an attempt to create a soldier version of what the monks are: a warrior that could manipulate all the elements. Perhaps the experiments were with various elementals, trying to infuse them into you. And it worked. Sort of. But where the monks hone their Ki through years of discipline, and only reach out and touch a plane one at a time, learning how to control that one plane gently, you were overwhelmed by the connection to four different planes of existence at the same time.