[MENTION=28301]smbakeresq[/MENTION], your post doesn't make any sense to me.
(1) What does wanting to play as a hero rather than counting arrows and tracking encumbrance have to do with rules or no rules?
Nothing that I can see.
(2) What does it have to do with "roleplaying" ie being able to make in-character speeches? Nothing that I can see.
I gather that you play mostly D&D. Have you ever played Rolemaster? In RM, a character can short-circuit his/her own brain while trying to cast a spell. That doesn't happen in D&D - does that mean D&D is only for munchkins who can't roleplay and should stick to video games?
Or does it mean that there's zero connection between "grittiness" and roleplaying?
Hard to be sure, I guess!
You missed it entirely.
D&D has become combat, combat, combat rest to get abilities back, combat, combat, combat, need long rest so lets get out of the dungeon and come back with no repercussions. It was never intended that way. It was designed as an immersive experience, wherein your PC lived in that world day to day with that world limitations. That's why stuff like encumbrance, cost of living, social interaction, food costs at the taverns, weather for outdoors travel, outdoor travel times, and basically everything outside of actual combat was put in; %50 of the rulebooks in existence as an estimate but I didn't do a page count. Sadly that is not used by the World of Warcraft crowd, they don't want to be bothered with it, they want it hand waived all away. But then those same people come here and complain about things in the ruleset while never bothering to use the whole ruleset to balance stuff out. Its a meta game issue on how people play.
I think some of this is because people only play in shops, they get there and only have few hours to play so just don't want to be bothered with anything outside of adventuring. Mostly though its just times are different. They do not have a regular group that (in todays age) communicate outside of the game through emails what going PC and gameworld wise while the group isn't together adventuring. That's a shame, because there is a whole lot there to be experienced outside of the dungeon. Players want it to be like computer games, for example, Dragon Age, where you just show up to combat and go, if you lose you just reload the last save; every now and then you get a speech interaction that's leads to a quest. D&D was never like that, and today it is trying not to be like that in a community with many other games to play. D&D is still book based, if you like to read books as opposed to a PDF's its better.
The level of detail in D&D is far greater than videogames, but it requires your group to immerse. That's not what most people want to do, they want the quick fix. I said it was a joy to play with kids, they get fully into it, every time I run into one of the kids I DM for outside of the game they have something for me game related, or they ask my kids to relay something to me. The parents in the group get this, so ride along with it also. Yes, they keep track of arrows since the boxes are on character sheets (plug for Forged Anvil here on ENWORLD), the affiliations matter (getting promoted in the Harpers or Lords Alliance is a big deal) backgrounds matter (Folk Hero and Entertainer is a big favorite since you can get free or cheap lodgings and food) spellbooks are a big deal (yes they pay to copy them and scrolls are mostly used for this) and the right people craft healing potions and anti-toxins. Getting a free cart and horse was a big deal so they could haul their stuff around, and getting a loyal henchman to watch the cart was a small milestone. Tensers Floating Disk is a staple to carry the loot out of the dungeon, Quiver of Ehlonna is good thing (to carry all that stuff for only 2 lbs) and Boots of the North are used as extreme temperatures rules are in effect. They do these things on their own.
Its just different now, that's all. Its easier with email. The game has remained excellent, but the crown wants something different now. The good news is that we have enough people like me to support games like Runebound and the upcoming Gloomhaven, which while different keep the theme alive. A redeeming grace of in person games like this is no trolls, people are too afraid to do it in person.
Off topic but a lot are still reading this thread
As a side note, for DM's, get a copy of City of Skulls (IIRC) from about 25 years ago. They have a reputation system in there that I have used for years, for the trouble the PC's cause for the BBEG they get reputation points. At certain point levels the BBEG sends out a "hit squad" to deal with the problem, which is the PC's. This way the random encounters are not really random, they fit in with the story.