I'm not interesting in going further with this...

[FrogReaver]

Just let them have the last word then. Does it matter?

I guess time will tell.

 

[BookTenTiger]

I guess time will tell.

Here are some more phrases to use to feel like you got the last word:

And that's all that can be said about that.

And that's all she wrote.

And that's... the rest of the story.

Good night, and good luck.

...and then I woke up.

That's all, folks!

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to... stop posting.

If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumbered here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
If you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape the serpent's tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.

Hasta la vista, baby.

 

[Maxperson]

What if it's not clear? What if they make it an "if X, then I don't want to continue" statement and the "if" doesn't apply?

 

[Morrus]

What if it's not clear? What if they make it an "if X, then I don't want to continue" statement and the "if" doesn't apply?

I'm not sure we're here to teach English!

 

[BookTenTiger]

Apologies if it sounds that way. It’s not my intent. It’s only that I have a bit of a fear the principle being used is establishing a “I get the last word button”.

I’m trying to figure out what appropriate response members of our community have when someone tries to use that phrase for a last word button. I guess the question is really “what is your expectation for our behavior in that instance”?

Some options I can think of:
Do you want people to report it?
Do you want people to accept that means the other had the last word?
Do you want people to ignore the statement when it comes as part of a last word button and respond to it anyways?

What if it's not clear? What if they make it an "if X, then I don't want to continue" statement and the "if" doesn't apply?

So despite my light teasing above, I honestly commend you two for bringing this up. It's an interaction that can feel annoying and doesn't have an obvious, emotionally-satisfying solution. And since @MikalC called me Miss Manners in another thread, I'm going to go ahead and give this my best shot. Feel free to ignore my advice!

When my students are struggling with the rules of social situations, I often teach them the very difficult skill of assuming positive intent.

That is, when someone acts in a way you do not understand, assume they are acting through good intentions instead of ill.

This can be very, very difficult, especially on the internet where we don't have facial features, gestures, or body language to communicate context!

The situation you two are proposing is an emotionally tough one. In an argument or a debate, often the person with the "final word" gets something of a victory, even if it's just an emotional victory. They get to say "I rest my case," wipe their hands slowly and dramatically, and walk away into the sunset. If you've just spent eight pages trying to convince them to change their opinion, it's a really frustrating way to end a conversation.

So in this case, I would say assume positive intent.

I can imagine a lot of reasons someone might say "I'm done with this conversation." They might be feeling frustrated, persecuted, uncomfortable, tired... or they might feel like they want the final word! Or they might want to silence my side of the conversation! The truth is I can't know because I am looking at their words on a screen in another corner of the world and I can't cast Detect Thoughts at such a range. (Oh Detect Thoughts, how many awkward situations in real life would you have rescued me from???)

So if I cannot 100% know the intent behind someone saying they're done with a conversation, then I have to assume positive intent. I have to assume they have a good, positive reason for ending the conversation, rather than a negative one. And if I assume their intent is positive, then I have to honor that request.

And that's been a message from Miss Manners.

Over.

 

[Maxperson]

So despite my light teasing above, I honestly commend you two for bringing this up. It's an interaction that can feel annoying and doesn't have an obvious, emotionally-satisfying solution. And since @MikalC called me Miss Manners in another thread, I'm going to go ahead and give this my best shot. Feel free to ignore my advice!

When my students are struggling with the rules of social situations, I often teach them the very difficult skill of assuming positive intent.

That is, when someone acts in a way you do not understand, assume they are acting through good intentions instead of ill.

This can be very, very difficult, especially on the internet where we don't have facial features, gestures, or body language to communicate context!

The situation you two are proposing is an emotionally tough one. In an argument or a debate, often the person with the "final word" gets something of a victory, even if it's just an emotional victory. They get to say "I rest my case," wipe their hands slowly and dramatically, and walk away into the sunset. If you've just spent eight pages trying to convince them to change their opinion, it's a really frustrating way to end a conversation.

So in this case, I would say assume positive intent.

I can imagine a lot of reasons someone might say "I'm done with this conversation." They might be feeling frustrated, persecuted, uncomfortable, tired... or they might feel like they want the final word! Or they might want to silence my side of the conversation! The truth is I can't know because I am looking at their words on a screen in another corner of the world and I can't cast Detect Thoughts at such a range. (Oh Detect Thoughts, how many awkward situations in real life would you have rescued me from???)

So if I cannot 100% know the intent behind someone saying they're done with a conversation, then I have to assume positive intent. I have to assume they have a good, positive reason for ending the conversation, rather than a negative one. And if I assume their intent is positive, then I have to honor that request.

And that's been a message from Miss Manners.

Over.

I agree with this, but it's not the situation at hand. The situation at hand that spawned this thread was that I was in a discussion with someone who said, "If you believe X, I don't want to continue to engage with you." Since I not only don't believe X, but wasn't even discussing X at all, the "then" portion didn't apply to me and I responded. Then I got moderated for responding. That moderation was seen by @FrogReaver who wanted clarity on continuing to discuss with people who say they don't want to continue on, so he started this thread.

 

[Dave Goff]

So despite my light teasing above, I honestly commend you two for bringing this up. It's an interaction that can feel annoying and doesn't have an obvious, emotionally-satisfying solution. And since @MikalC called me Miss Manners in another thread, I'm going to go ahead and give this my best shot. Feel free to ignore my advice!

When my students are struggling with the rules of social situations, I often teach them the very difficult skill of assuming positive intent.

That is, when someone acts in a way you do not understand, assume they are acting through good intentions instead of ill.

This can be very, very difficult, especially on the internet where we don't have facial features, gestures, or body language to communicate context!

The situation you two are proposing is an emotionally tough one. In an argument or a debate, often the person with the "final word" gets something of a victory, even if it's just an emotional victory. They get to say "I rest my case," wipe their hands slowly and dramatically, and walk away into the sunset. If you've just spent eight pages trying to convince them to change their opinion, it's a really frustrating way to end a conversation.

So in this case, I would say assume positive intent.

I can imagine a lot of reasons someone might say "I'm done with this conversation." They might be feeling frustrated, persecuted, uncomfortable, tired... or they might feel like they want the final word! Or they might want to silence my side of the conversation! The truth is I can't know because I am looking at their words on a screen in another corner of the world and I can't cast Detect Thoughts at such a range. (Oh Detect Thoughts, how many awkward situations in real life would you have rescued me from???)

So if I cannot 100% know the intent behind someone saying they're done with a conversation, then I have to assume positive intent. I have to assume they have a good, positive reason for ending the conversation, rather than a negative one. And if I assume their intent is positive, then I have to honor that request.

And that's been a message from Miss Manners.

Over.

I love this and want to repost it on other media, if that's okay.

 

[BookTenTiger]

I love this and want to repost it on other media, if that's okay.

Of course! Good teachers steal, so I'm sure I stole it from somewhere else along the line.

 

[Umbran]

What if it's not clear? What if they make it an "if X, then I don't want to continue" statement and the "if" doesn't apply?

Err on the side of caution. Remember, the thing that happens if you leave someone alone is... you leave them alone. No harm is done if you walk away from a conversation early.

 

[Gradine]

Err on the side of caution. Remember, the thing that happens if you leave someone alone is... you leave them alone. No harm is done if you walk away from a conversation early.