Hiya!
I don't like killing individual characters. Whenever I'm running a campaign I try to give each character a lot of ties to the story and the overall plot. I work with the players in session 0 to tie each of the characters together with their backgrounds. In short I try my best to make everything an interconnected web so that players feel their characters are connected to the world. Whenever just one or two characters die thought it just kinda slices that web to pieces. Now I have some new character/s to introduce who have no ties to the party or plot and all the old threads tied to the dead character/s are usually just left dangling. While I can (and have) made it work I just find having any individual character die just messes with the plot and usually creates a less satisfying story.
On the other hand I don't mind TPKs at all. I think I've had two campaigns where the characters succeed against about 4 or 5 where the party died. I run hard games in general and sometimes the party gets in over their heads. Often TPKs create stories that are as interesting as succeeding (though in a different way).
How do you guys run your campaigns and death?
So much to unpack here! So much so I'm not going to even try. Suffice it to say...you sound like a more "narrative story oriented" type of DM. That's cool, to each their own and all that.
But...this is the "problem" with what I call a "pre-designed story". An RPG is, imnsho,
not a "story to be told". It's more like "a series of improve sessions that form a story". I am all for giving little 'strands of webbing' for the Players to have their PC's grasp onto...or not. It's THEIR story and THEIR call...I'm just the DM. It's NOT my job to "tell a story" so much as it is my job to "facilitate the telling of THEIR story"...in a manner of speaking.
I DO have "things going on" in the world... "plots", for lack of a better word. But, these plots are initially almost always completely independent of the PC's. If the PC's get involved with them, well, then we do the whole roleplaying thing (re: the "improve" part of the storytelling). I have NPC's and the world react to the Players choices they have their PC's make...the Players then react to those NPC/world reactions and act on those...rinse and repeat. This continues on forever, effectively, with some 'plots' coming to a close (often unexpectedly), some kinda piddling out into non-issues, and some being epic quests resulting in the PC's besting the dungeon, saving the princess, recovering the Ancient Foozle of Power, and wresting Glory from the edge of despair!
And TPK's? Yeah, they happen. All that is is one of those stories that the NEXT adventurers get told by that old enchanter in the dark corner of the bar (some call him.. Tim?...). "There lies the Cave of Caebannog! Where the entrance to this cave is guarded by a beast so foul, so cruel, that no man yet that has fought with it...and lived!". Yeah, well...all those "men that have fought with it" and gotten killed by the beast were PC's who were in a TPK.
But...I'm what is now considered a "Killer DM"; I don't build or run my games around "the PC's are heroes, destined for greatness". I run my games MUCH more akin to the old origins of the game; the PC's are adventurers...sell-swords...treasure seekers...less-than-honourable men and woman who seek fame, power and glory over the adoration of the populace. That's not to say that I haven't run games in which all my Players choose to play "really good guys...heroes doing the right thing out of the goodness of their good hearts". I have, and some of them even ended up really epic and with an adoring populace.
So, how do I "handle" deaths and TPK's? Easily...I guess? It never "wrecks the story"...it only changes it.
^_^
Paul L. Ming