D&D 5E Unnecessary Skills That Should Be Added to 5e (+)

[BookTenTiger]

The 3rd Edition skill Use Rope always cracked me up because of its specificity. The d20 system built itself on the idea that all characters and creatures follow the same rules, so theoretically the Tarrasque has the Use Rope skill. A Flail Snail has the Use Rope skill. What if I'm using twine or yarn or bolo or braid? It's just a silly skill name.

With that in mind, what are some completely unnecessary skills that should absolutely be added to 5e?

Here are my suggestions:

Use Door: your ability to use doors

Skip: how skilled you are at skipping

Proprioception: your character's awareness of their location in space relative to all other objects

Wisdom (Smell): your ability to smell things

Constitution (Smell): how powerful your body odor is

Non-Sense: what you roll when you fail a Perception check to see how wildly you misheard the creatures through the door. (Rolls a Natural 20: I think I hear three gelatinous cubes playing beach volleyball?)

 

[BookTenTiger]

Hold Object: your ability to hold something

Dexterity (Chew and Swallow): when you eat rations, you must make a successful Dexterity (Chew and Swallow) check to avoid choking, spitting out your food, or indigestion.

Swaddle: your ability to successfully swaddle a baby

 

[toucanbuzz]

From AD&D days, these were all real skills:

Cheesemaking (Intelligence). Gouda or provolone?

Eating (Constitution). Your ability to overeat.

Slow Respiration (no ability). Breathe slower. Not to be confused with holding your breath longer.

Chanting (Bard, Charisma). Ability to help laborers and slaves work in rhythm.

Whistling/Humming (Bard, Charisma). How to send secret messages by whistling and humming at your clueless friends.

Alms (Charisma). A begging skill for priests.

Begging (Charisma). A begging skill. Make enough to eat and drink for the day.

 

[CleverNickName]

Toss Crust (Dexterity): your ability to properly hand-toss a pizza crust

Pontificate (Charisma): the ability to talk at length about previously-discussed topics, to an uninterested audience.

Fishing (Wisdom): why is it wisdom? I'll answer that question with a question: what would you rather be doing? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Lingering Hug (Charisma): it's often more intimidating than Intimidation.

Handshake (Strength or Charisma): you can tell a lot about a person by their handshake. Apparently.

Self-Deception (Charisma): The ability to lie to yourself so well and so often, that you begin to believe it.

 

[jmartkdr2]

Combustion Engineering (Int): you're ability to invent 20th-century technology without access to the basic chemistry knowledge or the tools to produce what you've invented, but with a successful check you build it anyways.

Absurdist clarity (wis): your character's ability to realize they live inside a simulation that uses metaphysical 'dice' to resolve actions.

Adult Recreational Activities (charisma?): obviously this is about Bridge

 

[J.Quondam]

Push Button (Str) - for pushing very big buttons
Push Button (Dex) - for pushing very small or very fast-moving buttons
Push Button (Con) - for avoiding illness when licking buttons found in public spaces
Push Button (Int) - for knowing which button to push
Push Button (Wis) - for knowing which button not to push
Push Button (Cha) - for irritating enemies, frenemies, and ex-lovers

 

[BookTenTiger]

Push Button (Str) - for pushing very big buttons
Push Button (Dex) - for pushing very small or very fast-moving buttons
Push Button (Con) - for avoiding illness when licking buttons found in public spaces
Push Button (Int) - for knowing which button to push
Push Button (Wis) - for knowing which button not to push
Push Button (Cha) - for irritating enemies, frenemies, and ex-lovers

I love this.

 

[BookTenTiger]

Intelligence (Object Permanence): roll to remember objects, NPCs, and plot lines that are out of sight.

 

[Weiley31]

From AD&D days, these were all real skills:

Cheesemaking (Intelligence). Gouda or provolone?

Eating (Constitution). Your ability to overeat.

Slow Respiration (no ability). Breathe slower. Not to be confused with holding your breath longer.

Chanting (Bard, Charisma). Ability to help laborers and slaves work in rhythm.

Whistling/Humming (Bard, Charisma). How to send secret messages by whistling and humming at your clueless friends.

Alms (Charisma). A begging skill for priests.

Begging (Charisma). A begging skill. Make enough to eat and drink for the day.

Pretty much hit the head on the nail here. I get AD&D was like that, but it was totally stupid. I'm perfectly fine with the 5E skill list and the Pathfinder 1 skill list for 3.0/3.5.

 

[Ruin Explorer]

Push Button (Con) - for avoiding illness when licking buttons found in public spaces

The specificity of this is truly excellent.