Scott Christian
Hero
This is a really good question, and I am not sure I have a complete answer. I did reflect on it, and I really think it depends on what style of game I am running as opposed to the amount of prep.That's all fine... but what do you do when the two somehow come into conflict? That's why the background features are a good example... they involve the player deciding what happens.
So when DM prep and player agency are at odds, which do you go with?
For example, if I am running a sandbox game (which I am right now), all the player's backgrounds, both taken via PHB and the part that is created by the player, have trumped the campaign's setting. And it is a very tight setting: high desert frontier with antagonists and locales in motion. But what they wrote has always trumped what I already have. (There is a specific example in this campaign where we have an assassin. In his backstory, he wrote his house, who he is tracking, why he is assassinating him, and even a temple/shrine he is looking for so that he can offer a prayer for his family afterwards. All those things were added to the setting. And they are a side quest in the large scheme of things, albeit most of it has been solo due to the unlawful nature of the quest. The group may end up being a part of it or not. That is up to what they decide to do.)
Contrast this to a more quest-oriented game; a game that is more linear in nature. Here they might give me the same exact information, yet not all of it is utilized. That is because at session zero we all sat down and agreed to complete a quest. (Generally, my campaigns are relatively short taking only three or four months.) So, there may not be an opportunity to work in that assassin's backstory. If there is, great. If not, oh well.
In my own experience and many years DMing, I have never had a player upset or disappointed by a quest not utilizing their complete backstory (there is always a little of it added). I think communication helps here. And, when I was reflecting on it, I can remember a time where the backstory trait came into play. I run our high school's D&D club, and one of the players had taken the street urchin background. In it, it says they have a pet rat or something like that. She had convinced the DM at some point in their adventure that she befriended a cat. And then a pigeon. And then, in the next session, she pulled out her rat and the DM said no. She disagreed. They asked me. (I just sit, listen, and grade papers. But am sometimes called to arbitrate.) I told him the PHB does say she has a pet rat. So he acquiesced unhappily, as he wanted to play the adventure, not her side game of collecting animals. I guess what I am trying to say is I told that DM to follow what it says in the PHB.
Sorry for the long answer, just trying to reflect on it thoroughly.
Because circumstances sometimes lead to roadblocks would be my answer. I was a player in a campaign once where the port was completely barricaded by warships. Not even fishing vessels were allowed to leave. I wasn't DM, but if we had asked him to secure passage, I feel like he would have every right to say no for that session. And then, if needed, construct something that represented the danger of these warships and the seriousness of trying to leave.It seems reasonable, but why would they need a lot of time to come up with a ship and a captain?
I agree with all your points except the bolded. I have seen many players just use their background feature as a utility spell and not actually part of their character. I have seen an outlander resist all attempts the DM gave him to explore his background. He stated he only took it for the skills. Then, when it suddenly came to being lost, he said, I use the terrain feature. Mind you, he never played his character as an outlander. He never even had a hint of it in his character. Even the image of his character didn't give you an outlander vibe. He took it because of the skills. Then wanted to use its feature when it was useful.I don't know if that would be necessary, but I think it's okay! The important thing is that the DM is responding to the player.
The use of the background feature is literally a player saying "hey, I'm interested in this". They not only chose it as a background, and so it's relevant to their character, but they've also invoked it in this instance of play. The DM taking this and building on it is honoring player agency. Taking the player's idea and building on it.
Letting the player's ideas direct play, not just disregarding them and going back to what the DM had planned.
(Side note: There is absolutely 100% nothing wrong with this. I truly enjoyed gaming with this player. But trust me, he was never interested in his background. He built things to be succinct and powerful, with little care for history or story. He thought, I am creating my character's story as we play, which is just as valid.)