D&D General Of Consent, Session 0 and Hard Decisions.

[Lanefan]

I have 2 general rules- You are adult, act like adult. Don't be a jerk. That's it. We are all here to play game and have a good time. It's hobby, a leisure time. I have other stuff in my life, games are time to unwind and relax.

The two bolded bits conflict when one's means of unwinding and relaxing in a game is to act like an irresponsible kid, rather than like the responsible adult one is expected to be the rest of the time.

 

[Paul Farquhar]

The two bolded bits conflict when one's means of unwinding and relaxing in a game is to act like an irresponsible kid, rather than like the responsible adult one is expected to be the rest of the time.

It also conflicts with “don’t be a jerk”. Not being a jerk means not upsetting the other players. Which you can’t do if you don’t know what issues they might have.

 

[Lanefan]

It also conflicts with “don’t be a jerk”. Not being a jerk means not upsetting the other players. Which you can’t do if you don’t know what issues they might have.

I think not being a jerk means not intentionally upsetting the other players. If you unintentionally upset someone by stumbling on to an issue you don't know about, that's not your fault.

 

[Paul Farquhar]

I think not being a jerk means not intentionally upsetting the other players. If you unintentionally upset someone by stumbling on to an issue you don't know about, that's not your fault.

If you unintentionally upset someone because you have made no effort to learn what upsets them you are still a jerk.

 

[Lanefan]

If you unintentionally upset someone because you have made no effort to learn what upsets them you are still a jerk.

Nope.

If I've got an issue with something it's on me to proactively tell you about it, not on you to have to pry it out of me.

 

[Paul Farquhar]

Nope.

If I've got an issue with something it's on me to proactively tell you about it, not on you to have to pry it out of me.

Sorry, everyone has issues. And most people don’t feel able to talk about them unless they feel that they are in a safe and comfortable environment.

Thinking “it’s not up to me” is both having an issue, and being a jerk.

 

[Zardnaar]

Sorry, everyone has issues. And most people don’t feel able to talk about them unless they feel that they are in a safe and comfortable environment.

Thinking “it’s not up to me” is both having an issue, and being a jerk.

People dont communicate. It's even worse here due to cultural reasons.

Don't be a jerk is a good guideline it's normally just lots if small aggravating things that add up. Big jerks get filtered out.

Players smashing loot for example the just bash it mentality. Not exactly deliberately being a jerk just hulk bash sorta stuff. Or just wanting to kill everything or whatever. Mostly incompatible playstyles. Probably not the right word.

 

[Paul Farquhar]

People dont communicate. It's even worse here due to cultural reasons

True, and this is a flaw with the session zero approach. It’s why some people might prefer a form or card based approach. If it’s an in-person game, simply paying attention to reactions is probably enough if the players are sufficiently emotionally literate, but I find a channel for in private communication between individual players an the DM very helpful.

I use a card based system for my on line game. No one has ever used it - but they feel safer knowing it exists.

The most important thing is that individual members feel the others care about their emotional wellbeing.

 

[Zardnaar]

True, and this is a flaw with the session zero approach. It’s why some people might prefer a form or card based approach. If it’s an in-person game, simply paying attention to reactions is probably enough if the players are sufficiently emotionally literate, but I find a channel for in private communication between individual players an the DM very helpful.

I use a card based system for my in line game. No one has ever used it - but they feel safer knowing it exists.

I've been using group chat and private PMs.

Nothing serious afaik but a few are a bit introverted.

Read the room make em laugh seems to somewhat safe.

Generally I don't ask personal questions and it's kinda rude here outside of close friends.

Country full of casual extroverts but introverted with other stuff outside close family and friends.
One of my players would probably cut off his own leg and eat it before talking about anything serious.

 

[Vaalingrade]

Having walked out on my unfair share of bait and switch con games that promised one thing and then suddenly crap is happening that I'm fairly sure I can't even allude to on this forum, it's super-important to normalize using safety tools and de-normalize the DM prerogative to do whatever they want and demonize anyone that doesn't meekly sit down and shut up for whatever ride they want to put them no matter their concerns, feelings or convictions.

Whatever thing one thinks a DM is, they are an entertainer and an entertainer--a good entertainer--never takes their eye off their audience. Yes, this is your art, but you are putting it out there for other people to experience and react to. If you don't care what they think or how what you're doing makes them feel or react, what even is the point on putting it out there for them?

Happy DM, happy player-- neither matter. What matters is Happy Group.