RPG Evolution: The Quest for the Table

One of my goals that I've failed at year after year was finding an in-person gaming group. This year, it's time to change that.

Finding a Neutral Space​

I finally decided it’s time to go back to playing Dungeons & Dragons in-person. As an adult, this is a lot harder than it sounds.

The first challenge I had to address was finding a neutral space. But finding a space that would work for me as a Dungeon Master and for other players is no simple task. I decided I would travel no further than a half hour at most, since I will need to transport miniatures and maps. With those parameters set, I then searched places online that might be suitable.

I needed a place where I could play for a reasonable fee, have players join easily, have space to sit for at least 4 or more hours every week on weekends, and could be loud enough to play a game of D&D without disrupting others (but not so loud we couldn't hear each other). I also wanted it to be an adults-only game and needed some means of finding players. With these parameters in mind, I contacted game cafes, game stores, and libraries.

Roadblocks and Budgeting​

The two game cafes in my town closed, devastated by Covid, so unfortunately though their ghosts still linger online, they weren’t going to be any help. Two different game stores reached out and may still be an option, but the "catching" mechanism—how to actually organize and seat players—is always an open question (it was mentioned there is a very long list of folks who want to play D&D). My local library responded that while they offer 2 hours of free time in their rooms (for studying), for larger rooms it would cost $25 for the first two hours, with an additional $25/hour after that. $100/week ($400/month) did not seem feasible.

The Gamer’s Dream Location​

And then a librarian intervened. As we’ve discussed before, a lot of librarians are gamer geek friendly, and my local librarian jumped into the (typical response) conversation to ask if I wanted to run an adult-only session of D&D. With her help, things accelerated quickly: I now have a location with a dedicated room, a regular date and time, and a catching mechanism for players. The first weekend of every month will be to onboard new players, with the other three weekends the "regular" game. As originally envisioned, we'd have seven slots in total for the regular game, with the "session zero/onboarding" session having eight. The room had a TV I can use and even allowed snacks! It was a gamer’s dream, and it’s five minutes from my house.

It also wasn't going to be where I ended up, but more on that later.

Beginning the Community Build​

I cannot emphasize how challenging this is as an adult. Putting aside the extreme social anxiety of trying to game with strangers, having an ally in the library space help me set this up, even to just try it and see, is enormous. I may still resume a rhythm with the game stores, as the library hours will not always be the same in the summer, but for now, I am immensely grateful for my local library in helping me do this.

This will be good for me. But it will also be an opportunity to build a gamer community. I don’t have any players yet, which is daunting unto itself, but no matter. We have to start somewhere, right?

 

[R_J_K75]

There are 2 game stores within 15 minutes from my house. The one I refuse to patronize let alone play there. The few times I went there looking for something I got the cold shoulder; they barely acknowledged me. I would have felt better if they were just extremely rude to me. The second doesn't host games. I went there to pick up the MM24 last February. The worker there was nice, the store was pretty small, but they had a pretty decent selection of products. There are a few RPG stores about 30-45 minutes away but that is farther than I want to travel. Gaming at a store isn't really an option for me and there are no local cons I'm aware of.

Whenever I set up games with strangers from 2000 onward, it was always a revolving door of players. Now, we play at my house I am leery to invite strangers over. Even with the small group of friends I play with now scheduling is an issue, which becomes a bigger problem when you add strangers to the scenario. The older I get the harder it seems to get a consistent group together and keep it together. Most of my friends I gamed with when I was younger have families, jobs or just other interests. Some have passed away; others I lost touch with or made a conscious decision to no longer associate with.

I'm not opposed to trying to find new players, or a different place to play provided it's not too much trouble. It certainly isn't a priority anymore though at this stage in my life so I wouldn't go out of my way finding a new game. If I came across one by happenstance I would definitely consider playing.

 

[Eyes of Nine]

The term 'neutral space' threw me for a loop, I was initially thinking of a room's design being neutral... My mind went, what a strange requirement for a gaming nerd... Then it clicked, a 'neutral space', as in: At no one's home where the homeowner is at the social 'advantage'. I get that.

It's cause @talien is an rpg-druid, so can only play in true neutral spaces...

 

[talien]

The term 'neutral space' threw me for a loop, I was initially thinking of a room's design being neutral... My mind went, what a strange requirement for a gaming nerd... Then it clicked, a 'neutral space', as in: At no one's home where the homeowner is at the social 'advantage'. I get that.

Yeah, I have a game room set up and everything, but just inviting people over isn't something I'm comfortable doing without playing with them first, and that takes time and effort. The library isn't just a neutral space from the perspective of "nobody technically owns the space" but also it's got built-in rules/guidelines as to meeting there, that the library provides (and similarly, a game store would, though they're different perspectives).

The biggest difference is that I am providing a service to adults, and I "pay" the library by teaching adults to game. The other three weekends, I get to benefit from playing with them (and vice versa) in a "regular" game. It's turned out to be surprisingly effective.

 

[talien]

Building a gamer community and finding an in person group are not exactly the same. I think communities are built around organized play. The advantage of that is no person is critical (perhaps except for the organizer). Players can show up at their convenience. New players are always arriving, old ones sticking or leaving, etc.. It's from this experience I build that regular gaming group with cream of the crop Id call it. Folks whose personalities gel with my own. Their gaming interests align, and they are reliable to attend a regular session.

In my experience, most FLGS are not only cool with organized play, but openly encourage it. So, finding a space isnt that difficult. (Though im in the twin cities and im finding out our FLGS per capita is off the charts.) Later on for my regular in person group, I usually resort to a residence for the privacy and convenience of hours. At this point, I should know folks well enough to trust and feel safe moving into this type of arrangement.

Oh I agree on this, though they're related as one (a gamer community) can make the other (finding an in-person group) much easier.

I am running my games like Living Greyhawk organized play. The world progresses every weekend and everyone is in the same town. All the NPCs remember/react to what happened before, and PCs pick quests they want to do, with milestones that advance everyone in level (whether they're present or not).

Finding a space is unfortunately difficult in southern CT and with few game stores capable of hosting or wiped out due to Covid, we just have fewer options. To your point though, playing from home is always ideal, it's just finding your gaming group that's key if you don't already have one.

 

[talien]

I was lucky for my last time i ran in person the apartment building i lived in had a great common room. I got to game from home without having to let people into my home.

I ran a regulat campaign in a game store as well. It was fine, but being in a public spot lead to a lot of distractions from folks coming up to ask questions and such.

Yeah, this is why I've resisted game stores. The library gives us a room and it's ours, nobody else's. My library is awesome so I realize this is not necessarily the case for everyone.

The library's actually quite pleased with the program too, which surprised me, but I suspect it's because most adult-oriented programs are for young parents, and so any kind of regular activity for adults is good -- plus, I've convinced the library to stock plenty of player's handbooks, so I'm hopeful it's bringing in repeat customers too. I know I got my library card updated and have been donating books each week, so it worked for me at least!

 

[talien]

I'm in that pickle right now.

My previously open table at a game store, which now has become very busy on the Sundays hours we want to play. It became a private game due to a player becoming GM and he didn't want to raise his voice so he hosted at his home with lots of snacks.

Do to both recent medical issues and family obligations, he lost his gaming room and he can't really GM at this time. We don't want to go back to the noisy, crowded store (It's a great place, so great that people don't want to leave after their Magic/40K tournament is done. They'd rather stand in the middle of everything and keep chatting.)

But yeah, the libraries charge per 15 minutes and the nearby Dunkin Donuts conference room is $14/hr. There is a great Mythos themed escape room literarily down the street from me but they wanted $50 an hour, which would be pricey even if we were doing CoC or Magnus Archives.

As for a gamer community, it is tough but the main thing is to keep showing up and be a nice, pleasant person. Eventually people start to check your stuff out.

Oof, sorry. For better or worse, GMs tend to be the social center of these types of games and if life happens (as it inevitably does) it can pull the rug out from under the whole game.

As you read, my library was going to charge too (per 15 minutes?! YIKES), so the only reason I ended up there is because a thoughtful librarian reached out and intervened. I now "pay" the library back by teaching D&D once a month to newbies and that's fine with me -- and helps me find new players too.

 

[talien]

Hadn’t really thought about checking with the local library….worth a check to see if ours has something similar.

Absolutely recommend it. That said, most libraries are structured around high school students with study rooms and allow 2 hours or so before charging, or just charging for the room at all (mostly because there's an assumption that rooms will get wrecked if there's free access). It may require negotiating.

 

[talien]

I put up flyers in my home town. I've got three players, but it has been tough to get a fourth.

Originally, we played at the community center, but eventually "graduated" to my home. Which has a great gaming space.

A new gaming store opened up but I can't afford to play there, but maybe in the future. I don't use Facebook, so a flyer was the easiest way. I will say I am fairly outgoing so that may be a factor in meeting people "cold".

Having a registration page for my library game is huge. I share it on all the local social media including a Facebook group for CT and that seems to bring players in.

 

[talien]

There are 2 game stores within 15 minutes from my house. The one I refuse to patronize let alone play there. The few times I went there looking for something I got the cold shoulder; they barely acknowledged me. I would have felt better if they were just extremely rude to me. The second doesn't host games. I went there to pick up the MM24 last February. The worker there was nice, the store was pretty small, but they had a pretty decent selection of products. There are a few RPG stores about 30-45 minutes away but that is farther than I want to travel. Gaming at a store isn't really an option for me and there are no local cons I'm aware of.

Whenever I set up games with strangers from 2000 onward, it was always a revolving door of players. Now, we play at my house I am leery to invite strangers over. Even with the small group of friends I play with now scheduling is an issue, which becomes a bigger problem when you add strangers to the scenario. The older I get the harder it seems to get a consistent group together and keep it together. Most of my friends I gamed with when I was younger have families, jobs or just other interests. Some have passed away; others I lost touch with or made a conscious decision to no longer associate with.

I'm not opposed to trying to find new players, or a different place to play provided it's not too much trouble. It certainly isn't a priority anymore though at this stage in my life so I wouldn't go out of my way finding a new game. If I came across one by happenstance I would definitely consider playing.

My game is, by definition, a revolving door of players. I have slots for seven, but we bumped it up to ten just to let new folks try it out -- they don't all stick around. As the core group coalesces I imagine we'll have to figure something out once the group stabilizes, but I do enjoy bringing new players into the game and then seeing them become absolute D&D fanatics. Having a steady stream of gamers I think is huge, and since I don't have one in my town...I'm building one, which hopefully benefits everyone who's looking for players.

 

[R_J_K75]

My game is, by definition, a revolving door of players. I have slots for seven, but we bumped it up to ten just to let new folks try it out -- they don't all stick around. As the core group coalesces I imagine we'll have to figure something out once the group stabilizes, but I do enjoy bringing new players into the game and then seeing them become absolute D&D fanatics. Having a steady stream of gamers I think is huge, and since I don't have one in my town...I'm building one, which hopefully benefits everyone who's looking for players.

Theres really nowhere I know to go where people congregate to look to play and talk about RPGs, except for local stores, but like I said most are too far away. A few have sprung up near me occasionally but tend to tank within six months. The rare occasions I've enquired at game stores in the last 15 years, they either don't have games, or were full and not looking for new players. I tried using Meetup around 2009 and had success for a while getting a group of about 6-7 players, but they started coming and going with new players replacing old ones. That group eventually dissolved in 2014. Unless I decide to give up playing altogether, which I haven't gotten to that point yet, what usually happens I eventually find a group at a time and place I least expect it. Which I'm confident that is what will most likely happen.