Time for Ceramic DM? (judge-free commentary thread NO JUDGES ALLOWED AS OF NOW :) )

Ooh! That could have been fun. If you feel up to writing it, then it would be a blast to read it!

BardStephenFox said:

Ooh! That could have been fun. If you feel up to writing it, then it would be a blast to read it!

Click to expand...

Yep, I'd like to read it as well.

GW

Like Greywolf and others have mentioned, this round just did not work for me. Though, I think my picture set was alot easier than theirs. Still, when the writing doesn't come, it just doesn't.

Of course, now looking back at the story, I am kicking myself for not spending more time polishing it up. Oh well, live and learn, I guess. I just wish I would not have posted it so soon after all.

Well, sometimes you just have to get the story off; it is almost always a good idea not to do it, but the urge to leave it be can be quite powerful.

I can emphasize fully, as going back to a story and improving it is one of my (many) shortcomings; I'd much rather work on something new

I had just finished my story when I posted it. I took me so long to come up with any kind of plot that I had to do the actual writing in a hurry. I tried to just sit down and see where it went, but that doesn't work for me. Then I rewrote about a third of it after I realized what was wrongwith it. I still don't find it great in any way, but at least it went from crap to not completely embarassing.

Like RPGirl, there was just no story coming to me, and man is that frustrating.

I think my biggest problem was that I just didn't want to do it. I had force myself to sit down and do it, and anything done under duress is not going to be fantastic

Bah!

You all did a fine job, and should congratulate yourselves, rather than beating yourselves up.

It was a tough set of pictures (especially Greywolf's and Orchid's).

I look forward to the judgement.

Delgar

Well, third try for posting commentary (and now I'm tired, it's midnight, and I really should start cooking for tomorrow)...

Graywolf ELM, Chaos Gates:
First off, I like the narrative voice you use. At first, I was a little concerned that it would detach me too much from Will Hurt, but I think in the end that was a good choice. However, I'm not sure wether including doubts and thoughts from Hurt into that voice was correct from a purely structural standpoint.
Anyway, I like the story, and I adore the final sentence, but I kind of wish this "balance" would have been hinted at before, somehow. Also, the fish eating chaos was a little too simple for me, because all I ever got to know was that it ate chaos. How does chaos look like? What does it look like when chaos is eaten?
The pics. Oh, the pics. I'm going to "judge" them normally, but rest assured that I am totally on your side with these pics. They were pure, unadulterated evil, and I congratulate both of you for coming up with a story as fine as yours. Kudos!
Eyes for you: I really like this one, the self-referential humor of it. Funny that both of you mention the fact that the eye-man puts the eyeball into his mouth first before putting it back into the socket. You're clean persons, it seems.
nightridermya$$: This pic was difficult to use (ha! Which wasn't?), and I am afraid your use is quite run-of-the-mill. It's a car with rocket launchers. But as I said, how else to use it?
gnomeansland: I am a little hesitant with this one, mainly because you don't reall decribe the scene from the picture, but don't refer to it explicitly, as well. Also, this picture, while introducing us to "order-speak", could have been left out of the story without much trouble, I think.
"Bear Spider": Well, it's one of the most freakish things I think could be included in a Ceramic story, especially if it's the same story as that car, and the eyeballs, and... you get the idea. The encounter with the bears was not very tense, it was more a molehill than a mountain for our hero. Still, these creatures gave a good idea of what would happen when chaos reigned.
Inhand: This pic was sort of the main catalyst for the ending. I liked the use, but would have liked a little more exposition on the creature (as I said above).
A good story, which, considering the pics, deserves a freaking medal.

Sialia, Inhands.jpg:
O.K., I must say before reading Graywolf's story, I could not decipher what that pic was. Then I saw the hand, and wow! That pic is absolutely fantastic! The safe gesture of holding it in one's open hand, and then the lethality behind it (a fish out of water) comes in, and the colors - wow! I would like to have a print of it hanging on my wall. I'd even pay for it That pic is wonderful and has sparked my imagination since I noticed what it was (12 hours ago).
The "flower-girl-beast-pic": I like that one. The underlying danger, the innocence of the girl. What is she doing holding flowers out to such a monstrous creature? I can only imagine her parents either watching in shock or waiting for the monster to go on and eat its sacrifice (being the girl)

RPGGirl, the touch of a fairie:
A classical morality play, "be careful what you wish for" style, with a twist. I love the fairie! The ending was good, but a little to open for my taste. I wasn't sure if you'd purposely left unclear wether Dale had been liked or not; it could have been real or just the things you say at a funeral. Also, where did Tom come from? I thought he was straw fodder?
You use your pics very well, I think. Beginning with the Wicker Man, you really use these pics that hinted at a mythical story and put them into real-world terms. The wicker man is one of the strongest uses, I think, because it features in the whole tale, and is used so well.
The fairy and her pet was equally well, even if I don't know whether fairies without wings riding mammoth's was some sort of permeating myth As I said, I loved the character of the fairy, and consider it yoink!ed.
The spearmen was well prepared at the beginning of the story, and tying nicely into the end of it, but I thought Dale having a "vision" of that scene to be a little far-fetched somehow. I think it might have been used differently, perhaps by having Dale dream it in the night before?
The burning car and jumping man was a little weak, mainly because the man is clearly not undressing, and there's no one trying to catch him in the pic. Also, I found the exposition-while-chasing somewhat confusing. They were really talking in normal sentences, all the while Dale trying to evade the cyclist?
The final pic, the landslide, is a nice ending for it. In the end, Dale could stop the wicker man, but at the cost of his life (and presumably, many more). This leads to a darker ending than I would have done it, but I think it works fine as a cautionary tale.
You really didn't have that simple pics, either, so kudos for a fine entry, too.

Rodrigo Istalindir, "Caveat Emptor":
Beware of the buyer. There were parts of this story that I really loved, others, I simply liked. Most of all, your traveling salesman is great! Really, really great! He's clever, tricky, and a little too self-confident for his own good. If he'd only left town immediately after the first payment, or at the very latest after his car got destroyed... but fortunately, you provide him with a small gift to continue at the end.
On the other hand, I wasn't too sure about the setting we were in. At times, I thought it was set in the fifties, then it felt more like a sci-fi story somehow. Also, why didn't they simply try to kill the beast by shooting it? I guess the story is set quite far back, but then the burning car is a little too modern for it.
Also, I think you could have done without the little girl. I realize it was a pic, and it brought home a point, and it framed the story... but still, it somehow brought me out of it. Perhaps the salesman was simply too engaging (And Kylo Krumboldt! Great name!)
Pic use...
The flower feeding was used well; I liked how you described the carefulness of the "beast". Very well done.
The straw man as golem was a funny image, and I kept thinking how Kylo wanted to get away with that plan; making it a trap was a nice idea.
The burning car was, as I said, a little too modern - at least, it diluted the setting enough to confuse me. That was, however, a very difficult pic to use in this set.
The spearmen was used great as an in-your-face way of identifying with Kylo. Here are the villagers staring us into the eye with their crude weaponry. Cool!
Finally the landslide didn't really seem too fitting, either, as it didn't resemble a path of destruction made by a single creature. I got the idea, but it didn't really work for me. As I said before, I am a literal.minded guy, so you either have to be way out there or quite on the spot to satisfy me.
In the end, a good entry, and I would have liked to see what it would haave become with a little more time on your hands.

Orchid Blossom, Birth Pangs:
Funny how both of you come up with a "two worlds clashing"-story, and use the bear-spider as somewhat inadvertent mutation. This was a fairly straightforward tale, a little too straightforward at times for me. I think the looming madness of the wizard could have shown itself a little more openly; I also think the idea that our world is simply not made for magic to exist a fairly sad one. Liked the story, though
Pics. As I said above, I will treat them normally, but my condolences to you for having that bad a set. I think this one was really mind-breaking!
You start with the fish in hand, a fine use, if not great. It highlighted the occuring mutations and introduced us to the theme, but i quickly forgotten afterwards.
The garden gnome and soldier were great. I was surprised by your literal take on the figurine, and I think it worked well. And damn those humans for putting them up in the first place!
The eyballs were very good. I liked the character immediately just by being told that keeping his eye in his drink kept it wet. I really wish his eccentricity (sp?) would have been shown a little more.
The weapons-car was... well, fairly straightforward. Of course, you change the rockets to sleeping-gas bombs, but still. It was o.k., I guess, but nothing special.
Finally, the spider-bear. I liked the image, but was a little confused that the bear had his nest right at the gate. And though guarded by military personnel, nobody saw the freakish thing building its web or dragging elks into it? That put me out of the story a little bit, but otherwise was fine.
Now, I'll say it again, that was a tough set of pics, tougher than even Rpggirl/rodrigo's (which were no piece of cake, either). So thank you for your story, I enjoyed it!

Thanks for your comments. I agree with you, and might go back and rewrite the story in a couple of weeks. The fairy was the most fun to write, which is odd since she had a very minor role. Also, for better or worse, I tried to keep the POV third person limited, and only discuss and talk about those things that Dale sees (with the exception of the end). Keeping with this idea, I didn't discuss wether or not Tom was alive or dead, because Dale did not search through the bodies. I was reluctant to have him do that because I didn't want to get bogged down in naming people and spending time in some kind of inventory. If I do a rewrite, I will probably change that and maybe have him look for Tom - or maybe not.

Thanks for your comments on the pictures. I really enjoyed seeing how people used them.

Piratecat said something not too long ago about art in Ceramic GM allowing the possibility of having woolly mammoths, which resulted in me doing a large series of mammoth pictures. Such a pity Piratecat did not get to suffer the gift of this one himself, no? (Yet another reason it's ironic that one of the themes was "be careful what you wish for," eh?)

And then my wedding anniversary with Bandeeto came up while I was in my "mammoths" phase. The card practically drew itself. Hence the title.

In the first version of it--before I knew what it was for--she was carrying a sickle, which suggested a very different story, I think. Also, she kept looking like my college character, and I kept changing her to not look like that character--I'm not sure why I didn't want to use that particular face at first. By the time I realized it was an anniversary card, the resemblence was faint and I regretted having switched it, but it was too late. She was gone.

Bandeeto and I first fell in love while playing that particular game.

Then I switched the sickle for the trilliums, because the first flowers Bandeeto ever gave me were trilliums.

I remember getting all pissy at him about it because I think they're endangered, moreoever, I'd been watching that particular patch of wildflowers bloom behind our dorm for weeks, and I couldn't beleive he had picked "my" flowers.

And yet, of course, the intent was so sweet. And he is so adorably fuzzy. Who could resist? He is my own dear shaggy trampling bundle of good intentions.

It was a perfect anniversary card.

The story about the fish is too sad to tell right now. The picture was drawn using a plastic model, but the memory is about a real fish that lived with me for a while. I wrote many pages of really dreadful, soppy poetry about that incident. Both of the Ceramic stories are far better. I thank the authors for them.

Silia: Thanks for sharing that. The story behind the picture really echoes in the drawing itself. Now it resonates even more strongly for me.

RPGGirl: Wasn't Tom a little on the heavy side? And Dales main nemesis, so to speak? So you could include something that indicates Dale noticing at a glance that Tom's body is missing.