Spectator Commentary thread for Ceramic DM (Winter 2005)
- Thread starter BSF
- Start date
MarauderX
Explorer
BardStephenFox said:Wacky story. I can easily see it being a tv show of some sort. I'm not sure I liked the story, but I enjoyed reading it. It was a little too creepy in some ways.
Stylistically I think you could tighten things up a little bit more. Reading the story, the narration is a little halting in places. You need to smooth some of the transitions or build up to the events a little more. Of course, this is Ceramic DM and it is hard to tighten and perfect everything in a mere 72 hours.
You have good description in some places, but there are other places that could use a little more description. Is the airport crowded with people? Are there very few people there? Is it somewhere between? I can't really tell and because of that, some of the events might seem very incongruous.
Your picture usage is strong overall. I like what you did with the nilla wafers.I think you could have drawn the sinkhole into the story in a little stronger manner. Perhaps by referring to news reports of other sinkholes that Jasper created? The woman in the hat also needed a little stronger reference. Why would somebody have chosen to illustrate that particular scene?
You have an interesting idea here. You have a good draft for a story as well. Thanks for posting it!
Thanks for the feedback, it helps more than you may know.
I am finding the picture use to be a bit complicated at times, and it's a struggle to link them together while gently trying to ease into the typical modern sci-fi that the pics lean toward. Each of our stories seems to take a springboard dive into the re-created world at some point when I often like to slip into the super/un-natural like a crocodile in a swamp - unnoticed. It's probably that we don't have enough time or words to really make that happen smoothly, and is all the challenge of being a competitor for the Ceremic DM title.
Overall, the competition puts forth great stories and for me has been one of the best resources to learn fast creative writing. Gotta love it, and glad to be participating no matter how far I make it.
BSF
Explorer
Now that is fun imagery.
Yes, the pics tend to lend themselves toward a certain amount of modern integration. Not always, but often. Picture use is a complicated thing. It is even more complicated when you see what the reader thought. I have had stories where I thought one pic was weak and another was strong, but the readers felt the exact opposite.
That is a tough one to accept as it is kind of a blow to your ego when something you thought was strong turned out to be weak in the reader's context. But that doesn't keep it from being fun. Nor does it keep it from being a learning experience.
Ceramic DM is great fun. If my feedback helps at all, that's great as well.
Yes, the pics tend to lend themselves toward a certain amount of modern integration. Not always, but often. Picture use is a complicated thing. It is even more complicated when you see what the reader thought. I have had stories where I thought one pic was weak and another was strong, but the readers felt the exact opposite.
That is a tough one to accept as it is kind of a blow to your ego when something you thought was strong turned out to be weak in the reader's context. But that doesn't keep it from being fun. Nor does it keep it from being a learning experience.
Ceramic DM is great fun. If my feedback helps at all, that's great as well.
orchid blossom
Explorer
Well, I can respond to my comment in the other thread about not understanding my rep. lol
Once you've posted a story, no one sees the struggle you had getting it written. I spend more than half the time given to write searching for an even remotely interesting story idea. My stories come in so short because I don't have much time left to write them. It also encourages me to keep them simple. The more complex, the more writing needed, the less likely I finish it.
So I usually read other stories and go wow, what a great idea! And often feel I couldn't find a plot with both hands if it was taped to my forehead. And there is also the fact that for me, the most important part of a story is how a character changes. So I might write a story where very little happens, but I feel the character went somewhere.
I've had several stories where the judges said they wanted more of it, or wondered why I ended where I did. Bascially that is because I had gotten to the point of the character's journey that I wanted to end at, even if the action didn't seem to be over. It's not a style that always works for Ceramic DM.
So there it is. You did ask!
Once you've posted a story, no one sees the struggle you had getting it written. I spend more than half the time given to write searching for an even remotely interesting story idea. My stories come in so short because I don't have much time left to write them. It also encourages me to keep them simple. The more complex, the more writing needed, the less likely I finish it.
So I usually read other stories and go wow, what a great idea! And often feel I couldn't find a plot with both hands if it was taped to my forehead.
And there is also the fact that for me, the most important part of a story is how a character changes. So I might write a story where very little happens, but I feel the character went somewhere. I've had several stories where the judges said they wanted more of it, or wondered why I ended where I did. Bascially that is because I had gotten to the point of the character's journey that I wanted to end at, even if the action didn't seem to be over. It's not a style that always works for Ceramic DM.
So there it is. You did ask!
BSF
Explorer
Fair enough. But you still have a well earned rep.
Characterization is a great skill to have. It is am important part of the story, but I can't always wrap my head around it quite right. That's why I enjoy reading your stories.
I know what you mean about not having time. I have found that it doesn't matter when I get my pictures. It will pboably take me 48-60 hours to get a solid, writable story hashed out. I have a lot of dead-end ideas before that, but the final idea just takes it's own sweet time strolling into my head.
But that's part of the challenge of Ceramic DM right? If I keep telling myself that, I don't feel so bad about it.
Characterization is a great skill to have. It is am important part of the story, but I can't always wrap my head around it quite right. That's why I enjoy reading your stories.
I know what you mean about not having time. I have found that it doesn't matter when I get my pictures. It will pboably take me 48-60 hours to get a solid, writable story hashed out. I have a lot of dead-end ideas before that, but the final idea just takes it's own sweet time strolling into my head.
But that's part of the challenge of Ceramic DM right? If I keep telling myself that, I don't feel so bad about it.
bump
They are both on page one of this thread, but editing a post doesn't register as a new post or update the thread list as a new post does, so I am mentioning it here if anyone is interested...my picks for round one and for two of the round 2 contests are posted. To alleviate the tension, or maybe build it some.
Aaron
They are both on page one of this thread, but editing a post doesn't register as a new post or update the thread list as a new post does, so I am mentioning it here if anyone is interested...my picks for round one and for two of the round 2 contests are posted. To alleviate the tension, or maybe build it some.
Aaron
Thorod Ashstaff
First Post
orchid blossom said:
I couldn't agree more. The first day, at least, is just trying to find something, anything. Wandering around the house (or the supermarket) mumbling 'I got nuthin'...I got nuthin'...'
I think 72 hours is right on. Makes it plenty hard, but if it were 48 I'm not sure I could ever come up with an idea!
This whole contest has been both more fun and more stressful than I could have imagined. Now that my round 2 is in I can do some readin' & commentin'.
Rodrigo Istalindir
Explorer
For me, there is usually one picture that jumps out right away and says 'This is what the story will be about' Sometimes its obvious (the 'ghoul' presentation in this round), sometimes it's not. The bridge picture in Mind Over Matter last Ceramic DM screamed 'Cold War spies' so loudly I couldn't have written anything else if I'd tried.
I generally look at the pictures (and save them to my hard drive) once they are posted, but don't look at them again till I'm actually writing and refer back to make sure there isn't some detail I'm mis-remembering that makes a scene not work. The writing itself has almost always been done in one sitting, straight through.
It's getting easier to put words down, too, which is why I love these events. 'Sacrifice' took an eternity, and every sentence felt like it was pulled from my head kicking and screaming. This last story (still untitled -- maybe 'Flesh-Eating Ghouls: A Love Story'?) was four hours, start to finish. (Of course, it also lost, so 'faster' and 'easier' isn't always 'better'
). But it flows more naturally, now. I will still write a sentence, backspace over it, and re-write it four or five times, but now its changing the 'how I say it' instead of 'what am I going to say'.
The worst part of losing (and I can be an over-competitive SOB) isn't being beaten (cause at least you get a cool story to read), it's having to wait months for the next chance to write.
I generally look at the pictures (and save them to my hard drive) once they are posted, but don't look at them again till I'm actually writing and refer back to make sure there isn't some detail I'm mis-remembering that makes a scene not work. The writing itself has almost always been done in one sitting, straight through.
It's getting easier to put words down, too, which is why I love these events. 'Sacrifice' took an eternity, and every sentence felt like it was pulled from my head kicking and screaming. This last story (still untitled -- maybe 'Flesh-Eating Ghouls: A Love Story'?) was four hours, start to finish. (Of course, it also lost, so 'faster' and 'easier' isn't always 'better'
). But it flows more naturally, now. I will still write a sentence, backspace over it, and re-write it four or five times, but now its changing the 'how I say it' instead of 'what am I going to say'. The worst part of losing (and I can be an over-competitive SOB) isn't being beaten (cause at least you get a cool story to read), it's having to wait months for the next chance to write.
