The Great British Snake Off (A Cthulhu Dark Adventure)
Ingredients
Cultured Beast
Hidden Jungle
Bewildered Gambler
Last Soiree
Glass Sword
Fast-acting Yeast
Teaser
The scion of the Fleischmann Empire paid to have GBBO filmed in Suriname. PCs are interns with Channel4.
Paul Hollywood has gambling debts. Armie Fleischmann has agreed to bail him out provided Paul recommended that GBBO film the series in a specific part of Suriname, on a specific date, to promote Fleischmann’s fact-acting yeast. But this isn’t about yeast or soggy bottoms; it’s about unspeakable terror.
Plot
GBBO is being sponsored by Fleischmann’s Fast-Acting Yeast in the deep jungle of Suriname! To meet the sponsor’s demands, every day of shooting eliminates three contestants- one each in the morning, afternoon, and evening; with Fleischmann’s, your baking is fast.
After three days of filming, there is a one-day break, and on the fifth day the remaining three bakers present their dishes. The winner gets the glass sword- a giant, ceremonial crystal cake cutter.
But the eliminated contestants are actually driven to a temple where they are sacrificed, using the glass sword, to Yog-Sothoth and then eaten. The goal is to summon the Yugg-urts on the night of the Last Soiree.
Locations
The tent and the surrounding area have been cleared out of the jungle. Generators provide electricity. This location is not known or marked on any map. There are sparse sleeping quarters to last one week.
Pokigron is a small village that Armie uses as a staging area. Locals live here, and it is 10 miles away- with no roads. No authorized rides to Pokigron will be provided.
The temple lies two miles away. If the PCs find it, they will discover ancient carvings depicting the summoning ritual and a blood-stained altar. The remains of cannibalized bodies will be strewn around the altar.
Characters
Hollywood
Paul is clueless about the sacrifices, and doesn’t like Armie or the nickname he’s been given. Paul is embarrassed about his gambling, but unable to stop and will play any game of chance offered. If befriended or drunk, Paul reveals that Armie demanded specific dates and this location.
Leith
Prue does not want to be in Suriname, and will divulge Paul’s gambling habit. Prue mistakenly believes that GBBO is shooting in Suriname because of Noel Fielding’s “weird goth stuff.”
Fleischmann
Armie is handsome and friendly, but also a dominating bully. He has demeaning nicknames for everyone; Paul is called “Kenny Rogers.” Armie will not reveal any details of his plan, but will be unable to hide his love of macabre subjects, such as cannibalism, if significant time is spent with him.
Locals
The hired locals do not speak English, will appear to be surly and menacing, and will walk back to Pokigron before nightfall. If they are befriended or approached in their native Dutch creole language, it will be discovered that they are terrified of this area. At least one will know the location of the temple. They will acknowledge not having seen the contestants that have lost.
Contestants & Crew
All of the contestants are “happy to be here,” and have no knowledge of the plot. Use standard GBBO tropes. None of the crew has any knowledge of the plot, but may divulge details such as car pickup times and the planning of the last soiree.
Fleischmann’s Team
Armies’s team is the security and transportation for the crew. There are three SUVs, three drivers, and five security. All are armed, unfriendly, loyal to Armie, and are part of the Yog-Sothoth cult.
The Last Soiree
The final competition is yogurt cakes. During the day, SUVs will be going to Pokigron and bringing back the contestants’ families. When the yogurt cakes are brought out, Armie with smile and pronounce
Y'AI'NG'NGAH,
YOG-SOTHOTH
H'EE-L'GEB
F'AI THRODOG
UAAAH
before cutting into the yogurt cakes with the blood-stained glass sword. The cakes will transform into monstrous unearthly white snakes, the dreaded Yugg-urts that will devour all the onlookers.
Running
Play up the constant tension between the oblivious contestants and crew and the strangeness of the setting and the apparent surliness of the locals. Contestants will refuse to help the PCs- they are “in it to win it.” Nighttime should be terrifying as they are in the middle of a jungle. Armie’s staff should be unfriendly, but their job is to protect everyone until the time comes for the Yugg-urts to feed. Armie’s plan will be foiled if he doesn’t sacrifice three people each day leading up the last soiree, or he doesn’t use the glass sword with the blood of nine people on the yogurt cakes.
