Time for Ceramic DM? (judge-free commentary thread NO JUDGES ALLOWED AS OF NOW :) )

[orchid blossom]

Oh, and as a final edit, I just want to say that the true idea behind the story is orchid blossom's. She wrote she'd wanted to do a story about love, and that kind of stuck with me when I saw the pics.
(Now I really hope it *was* orchidblossom and not someone else who wrote that )

Yup, I did make a comment about writing a love story. I shied away from it though and the story suffered. Here it is.

Thanks very much. I had a lot of trouble coming up with a story idea that was about people rather than a series of pictures. I didn't want to write a romance; I tend to make them melodramatic and enworld isn't exactly the audience. In the end, I really just wanted the story to end with a feeling of healing, and I think I got that.

Anyhow, I have an extremely amusing idea for my new set of pictures, but I'm not sure I can pull it off. It's way out of my usual style, and geared for a
very specific audience.

 

[carpedavid]

Berandor & BSF, thank you for the critique. In my comments below, I'll touch on some of the things you pointed out.

I figured out very early on that I had a Lovecraftian tale on my hands, and, at that point, chose to use one of the formulae common to this type of story:

1. Academics set out to explore an exotic location.
2. Upon arriving in said location, they discover "things that should not be."
3. On the journey home, the narrator loses any ability to verify the discovery, which may take the form of (usually a combination of):
a. losing any physical evidence the group may have secured
b. losing all of his adventuring companions
c. suffering some sort of trauma
4. Once home, the narrator convinces himself that the events never took place.
5. The narrator then uncovers some form of evidence that proves the events were real.

I think I managed to successfully fulfill all but point number 4, which I believe is the reason Berandor felt that the ending wasn't as effective as it could be. After I posted the entry last night, I realized that I should have restructured the framing story to stress the narrator's doubts about the version of events at the beginning of the story. As it was, I really only made this point clear at the very end, so the tension of "Is it real? Is it not?" only lasted for a few lines.

*Sigh*, I guess that's what I get for posting a first draft.

Oh! I almost forgot. BSF - I *did* initially attempt to write the story in verse form, but only got as far as the midpoint of the introduction before realizing I would need ten times as long as I had in order to write it in that form. It's a darn shame, really

 

[Sialia]

Alright, that makes sense
Actually, now I really got that image of a giant T-Rex skeleton standing at the bow of a ship Titanic-like, singing.
"Somewhere beyond the sea
somewhere, waiting for me
Spielberg and dreamworks wait to dooo
film number three."



(So it's one of your pics, then? While I still think it's a confusing image for the contest because of the way these two elements intermingle, I like the pic itself. The ship is wonderful - though, as I read now, taken from a sculpture. Anyway, I think your pics are a great addition to the contest, as they are a lot more free to interpretation than many photos are).

Too funny. I spent all night thinking about this image. Velociraptors crooning in the moonlight. It would be a great animated short.

Thanks for the comments. It's ok to critique the pictures here, if you want. I'm as interested in feedback as the contestants are about their works, and I've got a pretty thick skin. The major feedback I usually get is what kind of stories the contestants write, which tells me whether the picture was evocative and compelling, or just didn't come together. But specific comments about compositon/concept/style whatever would be fine, too, as long as the discussion is for a picture for which both stories have been submitted already. I try not to discuss pictures that haven't been written yet, so as not to influence the authors.

It's also fine to hold forth about what kinds of pictures you do/don't like to write to, and how drawn pictures are different to work with than photos. I don't make any promises about what will come out, because I never know, and I don't control who gets which pictures or what they get paired with, but I do get inspired by comments that people make during the competition sometimes,and come up with things for the next round.
One such picture is currently in play, so I won't discuss that any further.

Also, pictures that yield really good stories strongly pull me towards making more like them.The most successful ones seem to be the ones where two or more creatures interact with each other in an emotionally charged way.

Most of the photocollages were less successful than the hand drawn things so they've been petering out, despite being lots of fun to do.

I did have one person confide to me that having too many characters to work with in a short story gets confusing, and that it is nice to have some pictures that tell a story without introducing new characters. I'm still trying to figure a way around that puzzle.

 

[orchid blossom]

Ugh, I want to rip my hair out! I'm stuck in a story that I'm not sure is going anywhere and I don't know how it's getting to where it's not going anyway. It's going to be a long, long night.

 

[BSF]

OrchidBlossom, I feel for you, I really do. Take a deep breath, go take a step outside and relax a bit. Just five minutes to let your mind wander. Then, come back and get yourself unstuck. We will be here waiting for your story.

 

[orchid blossom]

OrchidBlossom, I feel for you, I really do. Take a deep breath, go take a step outside and relax a bit. Just five minutes to let your mind wander. Then, come back and get yourself unstuck. We will be here waiting for your story.

Well, I did something like that. I took a shower, and gave Ao the computer back for a while and took a nap. During the shower I reformulated and I think I found what my problem was. Since I was barely started, it was no problem to start over. It's flowing much better now. I'm just hoping I'll have enough time.

 

[RPGgirl]

Well, my story is posted, as Greywolf says, for better or worse. I know its ahead of time, but its done, and my mind is just not functioning anymore. I hope the judges don't penalize me for finishing early ...

 

[BSF]

There is never a problem with posting early. If you need to put a fork in the story because it is done, then it is done. I will try to get some feedback out there in the next day or two.

 

[Berandor]

me, too.

 

[orchid blossom]

Well, it's up. I don't think I've ever had such an experience writing something. I have absolutely no distance on the story. I have no idea if it's good or terrible, I just know that at his particular moment I hate the thing with a passion that's almost holy. I'm just glad it's done.

I'm thinking I should have gone with my original idea, which I can spill now. What I was going to write was a spoof of Piratecat and Clay, with P-Kitty as a kind of mob boss and Clay as '"the mad potter" moving in on his territory. It would have been lots of silly over the top villian type stuff, but very much an injoke. Which is why I finally decided against it. Maybe in a few days I'll go back and write it.