1001 Magic Items Nobody Wants

[Kae'Yoss]

370) "How to attract Illithids" (sounds like hentai...)

Nah. Not enough tentacles, and they have the wrong shape.

371) Circlet of Mind Fogging.

 

[Ashrem Bayle]

372) Keen, Vorpal Suppository +2

 

[der_kluge]

373) +1 Instant Gnomish Butt Plug of Death

 

[Ravellion]

374: Immovable metal repelling giant anvil
375: Wand of returning fireballs
376: Telephone of Silence.
377: Horn of Fog, only works in 19th century England.

Rav

 

[FoxWander]

378: Codpiece of the eunuch
379: Fuzzy bunny slippers of the archmagi
380: Gloves of the hairy palm (the less said about these the better)
381: Glossy magazine of eternal blindness (often used with the gloves)
382: Everbright copper piece (not worth much, but it sure is shiny)
383: Foreskin of Vecna
384: Wand of Mime summoning
385: Daern's instant small stone cube
386: Figurine of wonderous power (ceramic lawn gnome)
387: Boots of eternal moonwalking
388: Quaal's feather token (Quall- so you can kick his *** for making stupid magic feathers)
389: Ring of Counterspelling (every spell you cast, it counterspells)
390: Ring of Wizard dry (hey, no more moist wizards)
391: Ring of ex-Ray vision (if a guy's name used to be Ray, you can see him)
392: Ring of spell storing (put it on and it says "STORING, S-T-O-R-I-N-G")
393: Decanter of endless sweat
394: Robe of blending (puree setting only!)
395: Wind fan (now if you could just find someplace to plug it in...)

 

[Sejs]

388: Quaal's feather token (Quall- so you can kick his *** for making stupid magic feathers)

Heck no! I'd shake his hand; those instant trees of his have been more handy than most other magic items - they're cheap, and really really utilitarian.

 

[Kae'Yoss]

Heck no! I'd shake his hand; those instant trees of his have been more handy than most other magic items - they're cheap, and really really utilitarian.

Well, they do cost 400 gp now.

 

[buckstarr]

396. bottomless cup of light dwarven ale (.05%)

 

[dok]

A few classics (apologies to Warner Brothers...)

397. Invisible Ring. (No, not a Ring of Invisibility, just an invisibile ring. That's it. That's all.)

398. Rod of Disintigrating. (Again, not a Rod of disintigration...)

399. Armor of Tortise-fication. ("Turtle! Turtle!")

 

[MarauderX]

400. Girdle of Abs of Butter (as opposed to the popular Girdle of Abs of Steel)
401. Glass of Ice Melting
402. Cat of Disarming Cuteness (Battle ceases while everyone watches kitty play)
403. Litterbox of Foulest Stench
404. Bed of Anti-Gravity (only floats upwards while you are on it)
405. CD of Eternal Skipping
406. Microwave of Popcorn Burning +31
407. Telephone of Heavy Breathing
408. Tome of Unfathomable Understatements (AKA Tome of British Humor)
409. Cat of Fur Regeneration (you need #412 with this one)
410. Wand of Static Electricity (<zap!> Ow, that's annoying!)
411. Book of Smurf-to-English translations (who in the Smurf would want that?!)
412. Rod of Fur Attraction
413. Helm of Manical Laughter (heh. hehaha..muhahaha...MUAHAhahaha...MUUHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!)
414. Lute of Porn Soundtracks (Bum-chicka-bow-wow)
415. Kneepads of Tripping (so knocking yourself prone won't hurt quite so much)
416. Soap of Hair Growth
417. Cursed Letter of Endless Magazine Subscription (once letter is filled out, wherever you move, they will find you and make sure you have the latest issue)
418. Vanity Mirror of Negative Self-Esteem