1001 Villain Sayings/Threats

[Cyri'kazzen]

Hey all,

I have been running a successful campaign for awhile now, yet I have noticed that I just cannot come up with really interesting things for the villains to say on the fly besides the usual death threats. I figured others might have a problem with this sort of thing so I decided to post. Those that are good at this sort of thing please feel free to share any quotes from your campaigns that would add flavor to a campaign.

I understand that some things a main villain would say depend on what has happened in a campaign, but others might not be so specific. Obviously I am looking for ones that are not so specific. For example, what would a group of orcs meeting an adventuring party of dwarves say.

Thanks!

 

[blackshirt5]

A personal favorite from a campaign that I played in(it's to a group of captured adventurers):
"Why do you believe I'm evil? Because you were taught that my way of thinking is evil. Why were you taught that?-"
To which I interrupted(in song), "Because it sounds better than the truth! It sounds! better, and it tastes! better, so we'll all pretend it really happened. There were no! kobold or elf paladins, just a bunch of humans wielding swords!"

The villain then ritually mutilated my body.

 

[The Grey Dwarf]

Hey all,
For example, what would a group of orcs meeting an adventuring party of dwarves say.

They would say:
- Ouch!
or
- Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

 

[Savage Wombat]

The villain line that I used that got the most energetic player response was quite simple:

"Hi, little girl; would you like some candy?"

 

[Lord Zardoz]

Villian Quotes

1) "I will teach you the meaning of the words 'please, please for the love of god, GIVE ME BACK THE TOP OF MY SKULL'"

2) "You die first."

3) "When you find yourself dazed and confused, standing before your god in whatever afterlife awaits you, perhaps you should ask him why he let me kill you."

4) "I swear that if you bleed on my shoes, I will Kill You. Again."

5) "Hey, Elf! You sure have a pretty face. How about I hit it with an axe?"

6) "Lets see you pray to your god when I wipe my a$$ with your face."

7) "My excrement is more powerful then you."

8) "Im not going to kill you quite yet. I like my food to scream."

9) "Wanna see me bite the face off of this baby?"

10) "There is a toll on this road. You can pay it in gold, or you can pay it in blood. Either is good for me."

END COMMUNICATION

 

[Mark Chance]

More...

11) The last sound you hear before you die is going to be me cracking your guts like a bullwhip!

12) Ever try to pick up your teeth with broken fingers?

 

[Viking Bastard]

The line that has never failed me:

13) "Hey handsome."

 

[Mark Chance]

Even More...

Forgot two classic stand-bys:

14) You sure gotta purdy mouth.

15) I'm gonna make you squeal like Ned Beatty.

 

[Avatar of the North]

16) Your pathetic, you sound like a chapter from a selfhelp book
17)NO, DESTROY, DESTROY, DESTROY, I will make a monument to non-existance

Bonus feat: obscure knowledge if you can name where those two came from

 

[dave_o]

!

Just consult some Type O Negative lyrics, example:

18 - "I've got a big axe in the trunk of my car, I put it on a grinder, got it real sharp. There's an ugly green monster in my head, won't leave me alone - until you're dead!"

19 - "Your screaming? My laughter."

20 - "I'm an equal opportunity destroyer."