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1001 Villain Sayings/Threats

Sir Hawkeye

First Post
"Me? Insane? I flail my mouthparts dismissively!"

"Adventurers, this is a golem. It solves problems. Golem, these are adventurers. they are a problem"

"If I were an idiot, I suppose I would feel compelled to annoy me too."

Slash-Slash-Slash-Slash-Bite-Buffet-Buffet-Tail Slap-Dead PC
-Meltakh the Pit Fiend Fighter.

And speaking of Evil Laughter:

"MWU-HOO-Hoo-Hoo-HA-Ha-ha-ha! Hoo-HA-Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-Ha!"

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First Post
After about 3 or 4 variations, I think we can safely say that the "rivers of blood/streets run red with blood/flood the world with blood" thing is a bit of a cliche... ;)

Azure Trance

First Post
I agree with the red river analogy :)

  • I am double the worst trouble you ever thought of.
  • You know the risks, you don't have to be here. When it rains...you're gonna get wet.
  • I don't know why I'm talking to you. I don't talk to dead men.
  • You can cut me, but you can't kill me.

Psychotic Jim

First Post
A few more: "Can you guys come back at a more convienient time? I am about to destroy the world here..."

"That's Tigger- T-I-Double-G-E-R!"

"Yeah- you may claim to be talented adventurerers- but can you pat your head and rub your belly at the same time?"

"Punish me if you will, for my hands are not clean. But deny me not my revenge!"
- Jander Sunstar, a quote from the Kargatane web-page

"You should not fear death- you should fear what I have in store for you afterwards!"

*demon devours a baby* "Ah, babies... the other other white meat."

"I do not bring death into the world; I merely speed up the process."

"The good thing about killing people at the drop of a hat is that I cannot be blamed for choosing who lives and who dies- I can blame that on the hat."

"I do not play God and create life- I merely give it form."

"Pain is bliss, and you're about to become the happiest people in the world."


World of Kulan DM
Sir Hawkeye said:
"Adventurers, this is a golem. It solves problems. Golem, these are adventurers. they are a problem"

That's one is my favorite so far. :)

"Darkness has fallen and so have I." - for the fallen paladin.

"Don't fear evil... fear me. Evil won't torture you like I will."

"What is death to men like us? Hmm... ask yourself that. Death is but the beginning... I know... I've seen death, I've lived death, I've tasted it. Come and kiss my steel. Come experience!"




World of Kulan DM
More evil...

"Lies work so much better than the truth. People believe lies."

"Agony can be rapture if you want it to be."

"Sorrow is for the weak. I will not mourn your passing child."

"Villian? Seriously... why do the righteous insist on being heroes. They know nothing of sacrifice or heroics. They simply judge what they do not understand."

"Try explaining it to my sword!"

"Why has your God killed you? For once he set you in my path, he killed you. My sword is your God's sword now."

"I've lived my entire life in darkness. Evil does not come into the darkness. It fears my soul and my hand. And now... so shall you!"
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First Post
"Kill one man, it is a tragedy. Kill a million, it is a statistic."
Stalin, from Command and Conquer: Red Alert.

"You and I, we are not mortals. We are gods. Why do you deny this?"
Rough paraphrase of Kain, from Soul Reaver; I'm not doing him justice here, I'm afraid, he's much cooler than that.

(And for some of the most suprisingly erudite buttonbashing I've ever seen, Soul Reaver and the other 3 Legacy of Kain games can't be beat. I've got to find me some scripts for those.)

Black Omega

First Post
s/LaSH said:
"Kill one man, it is a tragedy. Kill a million, it is a statistic."
Stalin, from Command and Conquer: Red Alert.

Though in fairness this is a quote from Joseph Stalin simply used in the game.


paraphrased from an early Cerebus :
"It's not easy being crazy and evil at the same time."

"You didn't destroy their crops?"
"Why should I? I'm trying to devise a method for destroying the universe."
"Isn't that a bit extreme?"
"I prefer to think of it as suicide on a somewhat grander scale."

yep that was kefka from FF3(6).
And yes he had some of the best lines for a villian.

He was also IMO the last true villian in a Final Fantasy game, there was 0% redeemable about him.


First Post
Do a wicked witch variation

"I'll get you and your little dog to."

Substitute dog for whatever is a appropriate like friend, child, your weapons, your favorite stuffed toy, lucky copper piece.

Michael Morris

First Post

Cool thread. Some of those lines are cheeeeeesssy, but... Anyway, my entries and the spells they are the flavor text to :)

Disdain is as kindness when I think of him. I do not merely want to kill him. I want to him to suffer. I want him to know pain so great that he will pray, beg and plead to the gods for death, and when they do not answer I want him to beg – no pray to me as if I were a god to bring him the deliverance of death. Then, only then, might I suffer to allow him that much kindness. Then again, maybe I’ll just make him suffer more.” – Griselda the Shaded.

"Having enemies doesn't bother me. Not knowing what they're up to does." - Razlin.

Tela's Will
“Pain is to be embraced and inflicted.”

Dirge of Dread
"Allow me to sing the ballad of your coming defeat." - Kerith.

"In every society there are those who've singled themselves out for... special attention." - Sirrom.

Drain Life
“I care little for flesh. I crave the power within.” – Sirrom.

And then there are the Magic: The Gathering cards. Like them or hate them, you cannot deny that some of them have the coolest quotes.... Here are some of its villians..

“You’ve failed Gerrard. You’ve failed the Legacy. You’ve failed yourself. I can do no more.”—Volrath, to Karn.

Diabolic Edict
Greven il- Vec lifted Vhati off his feet. “The fall will give you time to think on your failure.” (Illustration shows a man falling from a flying ship.)

Blood Pet
“You are wrong,” Volrath said. “I do not hate the living. They often prove quite useful to me.” And then he laughed.

“I once had an entire race killed just to listen to the rattling of their dried bones as I waded through them.”—Volrath

Spinal Graft
“This one has not screamed enough to show effective implantation. Kill it.”—Volrath

“I will flay the skin from your flesh and the flesh from your bones and scrape your bones dry. And still you will not have suffered enough.”—Greven il- Vec, to Gerrard

The newer sets introduce one of MtG best evil smart aleck's yet.. Braids...

Face of Fear
"It`s only frightened five people to death. Not my best work." -Braids, dementia summoner

Ghastly Demise
Anyone can snap her fingers and yank a soul. I prefer to kill creatively. -Braids, dementia summoner

Skirk Prospector
"I like goblins. They make funny little popping sounds when they die." -Braids, dementia summoner

Zombie Assassin
"Zombies don`t kill. They recruit." -Braids, dementia summoner


Ragged idiot in a trilby.
I haven't actually used this one yet, but I'm just waiting on the right moment:

"Do you feel lucky, monk?"


First Post
This is a personal favorite. I ran this in a dream-quest(the entire party drank from the same spring, and went on the dreamquest together.) when they got to the fortress of the BBEG, he welcomed them to his home. His home happened to be in the middle of the jungle. Hence, his greeting went something like, "Welcome to the Jungle, we've got fun and games!"

The look on every players face as they realized that they were gonna have to fight my twisted, 3rd edition version of Axl Rose:priceless.:D


First Post
Villian: "Before we start, um how tall are you?"
Hero: "uhh 6'. Why?"
Villian: (looking over shoulder) "Ohh drat, I'll have to move the elk head to mount you on the wall properly."


Villian: "Leave now."
Hero: "I shall not we are here (blah blah hero freikkin hero blah"
Villian: "I will be most displeased if you make me get out of my chair. Its so, ..., comfortable."
(complete disregard for the hero's is fairly freaky I think)


First Post
In response to the PCs stealing an enemy general's flagship, he sent the following:

To those that stole my airship,

I'm a bit busy at the moment, but when your emperor's head is on a pike outside your castle walls, I'm going to hunt you down, torture you, kill you, and then defile your bodies.

Ta for now,


First Post
"What's the matter, swatting flies?"

"You know that sleeping with snakes can get you... bitten"

"This is interesting, your death certificate, with your signature on it!"

Quoting my favorite villan, myself, over a game of magic.

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