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1001 Villain Sayings/Threats

Fenes 2

First Post
Re: sayings/threats

ejja_1 said:
Of course this is just before he rolls a critical fumble and either shoots himself or a team member with his bow, wich has lead to the other players giving him the title- Red Jack Reaver, Farmer bane and friend slayer.

Is he an elf too? We got one of those in our campaign who managed to hit almost every party member at least once by accident. Thanks to the efforts of the party bard he is known and feared as "Thiefstalker", but if the adventurers are in a foul mood they refer in other, less favorable terms to him in private.

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First Post
From a Mecha Crusade game:

Colonel Irina Sandorf (really, really bad news; basically, just sane enough to get into Earth military, but not nearly sane enough by any reasonable standard), addressing a bunch of captured Colonials (including the PCs...):

"Your aims are wrongheaded, but I can accept that; not everyone can be right. Your methods of furthering those aims are worse than wrong, however: they are stupid, ineffective and miss the point."

*Pauses and draws a big gun, waving it around just the way big guns shouldn't be waved around by unstable people in rooms where it's vacuum outside the wall.*

"Point one: you tried to kidnap my sister instead of me, in an attempt to manipulate me. Wrong! You should have tried to kidnap me!"

*Shoots one of the NPC Colonials in the head; Colonial messily expires.*

"If you had kidnapped me, you would still have been foolish and inefficient. You should have killed me; had you done that, I couldn't do this."

*Shoots another of the NPCs.*

"Is this clear, now? I SAID, IS THIS CLEAR?"

*When nobody answers, she shoots a third captive. Suddenly pauses, looking sheepish.*

"Oh. Terribly sorry. I forgot you were gagged. Please nod if I made myself clear."

*Lots of panicky nods*

"Good! Captain, please take them away for 'political reconstruction therapy'. And tell the doctors to concentrate on the parts about efficiency!"


First Post
"I'm sorry, did I say your money or your life? I meant your money and your life. Sorry about that."

And the fearsomely nasty, "Bend over!"

"Welcome to my world... insect." -System Shock 2, bonus points if you use Shodan's voice. In fact, anything from System Shock 2 is good if it has a voice. Most of them do. Cyborg midwives are particularly fond of creepy little sayings like,
"I'll t-t-tear out your spine," or
"The little ones need lots of f-f-food to grow up big and st-st-strong." Sure, it's difficult to pronounce the metallic skipping-CD effect of their voices, but once you do... nastyville.

More Shock2 stuff:
"Your flesh betrays you." (A searching sound.)
"Do you not yearn to be free from the tyranny of the individual?" (A public announcement message said so apathetically it's creepy.)

And now, a non-verbal villain quote:

Point straight at someone and grin. Broadly. Once you've got their undivided attention, raise your hand so you're pointing your palm and chuckle. Insert favourite horrible magic power afterwards.


First Post
"Wass-kally Wabbit! I'll get youuu!"

"I see you have entertained the idea to keep breathing on your own... but now it is time to change your mind."

"Are you too lazy to kill yourselves? Everyone knows that if I do it for you I get to keep your souls!"


One that I picked up here, and it elicited quite a response when I used it in my game:

"Death wears many faces. Yours wears mine."


First Post
Great one from the Prophecy:

"I will lay you out and fill your mouth with your mother's feces."

One of my father's lines:

"I'm gonna cut you from a*****e to bellybutton."

Just spinning words here:

"I wonder what death will be like for you. I wonder if the fire of your life will vanish all at once or if it will fade down to a tiny spark. I certainly hope it will be the latter . . . that way you can enjoy, in some small way, the joys of motherhood as the maggots consume your corpse and leave you behind."



First Post
"You're just in time. Tea?"

"Obese mangonel logic clockwise! Meeheehee!"

"Did you enjoy your last sunrise? I know I enjoyed it. Everyone should remember to take out some time for themselves, yes? Now, you die... sorry you won't have time to take my advice."

"I certainly hope the bards remember to chronicle this battle of yours."

"I just wish you would listen."

"Sirs, I just wish you would explain to this child here why it is neccesary to kill her favorite grandfather."

"This is Grand Wizzad V / Mixin' it up you an' me / I hopin' you having a good time / 'cause now my undead 'ill rip out yo spine"

From Blackadder III
"Baldric, eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his fiendish instruments of torture will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me and this pencil!"

"Listen...death is laughing at us. Shall we ask what's so funny?"

And a cryptic favourite:
"Fiery the angels fell,
Deep thunder rolled around their shores,
Burning with the fires of Morlock"

Double kudos to the person who can cite both sources for this one.


First Post
Heretic Apostate said:

From the "How to be An Evil Overlord" list, right? :)

Hey, I can pay homage to the greats, can't I? :D

And actually, the Villain Design Handbook (or similar) from 2e had a villain whose daughter had died, crushing him, and he dismissed his horde of undead (yeah, like he couldn't have had her raised). I was thinking of that, not the Overlord list, at the time, but... darn subconscious. It's always there...

Back to your regularly scheduled evil, now...
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"Shall we... dance?" (works best with a rapier, for some reason)

(Regarding some captured relation/friend/ally) "The look upon his/her face was priceless... You should see it. It's hanging on my wall."

"I'm not a religious man, I pray to no God. But if I were you, I would start."

"Don't feel so bad about dying today. The world ends tomorrow, anyhow."

"Before you begin, may I offer you a deal? If you pay the cost of a resurrection, I'll kill you twice."

I like these, a lot.
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"And so, we meet again." (Even better if the party's never seen him before.)

That's good.

If there's a situation where the PC's have recovered a McGuffin from an early age, I'd reference that, especially if a PC resembles the ancient hero who used the McGuffin in days of yore.

For example, if Aragorn confronts the Witch-King of Angmar:

"And so, we meet again, Isildur. And this time, I am prepared for you."
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A Wicked Kendragon
"Today is the first day I will regret killing someone. But you won't know who. You'll be dead by then."

What is with all the massive thread necromancy recently?
Might have something to do with the 'Similar Threads' thingy at the bottom of the page. Several times now I've caught myself thinking those were new.


“Blood is thicker than water, but both transfer heat in the same way. Those who are cold-blooded will eventually find themselves dying in colder water.”
-Me, giving a quote to the final boss
I suppose this quote could also work for an anti-hero.

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