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1001 Villain Sayings/Threats


First Post
Hm, let's think.

Kai from Lexx (easily modified): "His Divine Shadow has sent me to kill you." Then he, um, kills him.

"Step aside, mortals." In fact, call everyone mortals... it puts them off balance.

"Come into my parlour..."

"I'll burn your women and eat your houses!" Bonus points if he actually can.

And the importance of a good drawn-out belly laugh cannot be overstated. With formal opera training I'm fairly good at them myself, but I think anyone can get it right with practice. (There are also the distict categories of cackles, sardonic chortles, and insane giggles, but the Evil Laugh (tm) is the king of the crop. Bonus points if you get lightning to go off at the same time.)

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Stone Angel

First Post
Ya know, my daddy used to say every man's got a devil. And you can't rest 'til you find him... but if it's any consolation to you, you have put a smile on my face.

Is this from The Crow. anyway that villain was awesome.

Few things villains would say.

Bar fighting villain
-How about you ram your face into my fist for a while

Any other villain
-The floor would be much more pretty decorated in your
blood and organs
-My sword is thirsty, come let it drink of you
-Ready for it, cause here comes the pain
-Yes come get slaughtered because I said so!

Sometimes it is best when villains say nothing, especially when he has already defeated the party. I.E: Party is tied up, door opens, villain walks in, slices one members throat, villain leaves.

I love the 1001 threads


First Post
s/LaSH said:

"Step aside, mortals." In fact, call everyone mortals... it puts them off balance.

Brilliant Idea!:D That'll definitely freak out my players :D

I'll have to think of one now just so this post has a purpose as it were :)

"Ahh! (chooses hero) And how is your mother? (Use a tone that suggests there is a definite possibility she could be in a certain villain's evil torture chamber ;))"


First Post
"And I would have gotten away with it - if it weren't for you meddling kids!"
"How about we settle this the old-fashioned way."
"I'll grind your bones to make my bread!"
"Next time, Gadget. Next time!"
"My hate of d02 know no limit."

Mark Chance

Boingy! Boingy!
More (Unnumbered!)...

"I'm gonna hit you with so many lefts you'll beg for a right!"

My half-orc PC's guiding aphorism: "Fear of Gruumsh is the beginning of strength."

He was also fond of: "Blood is thicker than water...and twice as sweet."

A fiction favorite: "Blood and souls for Arioch!"

Inspired by Lady MacBeth: "Dark devils, give me the strength to wallow in the entrails of these, my enemies!"


First Post
"Let him contemplate this on the Tree of Woe. Crucify him."

"Your white flesh excites me so."

"I am invinicible!" (Boris from Goldeneye!)

"Smile. God loves you. And I'm God."

"This town needs an anema!"

"Never rub another man's rubarb."

"You wouldn't hit a man with glasses, wouldja?"

"Haven't ever heard of the healing power of laughter?"

"I'm glad yer dead. He he he!"

"Life's a bitch--now so am I!"


First Post
"Thou shalt regret thy coming here! For thou shalt surely be dead. And I shall dine upon thine innards!"

(This quote came from one of those Dragon Warrior games.)


First Post
"I am your father."

"No, I take it back. I could never have a annoying pimple-faced brat like you."

"In fact, you kinda look like that inbred cretin your momma let stay out in the cow shed seventeen years ago."


Penguin Herder
"This town needs an enema -- OF BLOOD!"

"When you meet your god, tell him I spit in his face!"

"You are but twigs in the flood -- OF BLOOD!"

"I ask a boon: keep warm for me a place in Hell!"

"Little pebbles, you cannot stop the avalance -- OF SKULLS!"

"More insects buzzing at mighty [Villain Name]?"

"Those you love most will be the first to die."

"Eat flaming death, [PC Race] scum!"

-- Nifft
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First Post
16) Your pathetic, you sound like a chapter from a selfhelp book
17)NO, DESTROY, DESTROY, DESTROY, I will make a monument to non-existance

Bonus feat: obscure knowledge if you can name where those two came from

Would that happen to be from Final Fantasy 3(6)? The quotes Kefka says before the final battle.
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First Post
[Villain casts fireball]

Villain: My, my, heroes, you look a little charred. And now my henchmen will turn you into SWISS chard! A-hahahahahaha!

Henchman1: Um, boss, I'm not entirely clear on what that means.

Henchman2: Yeah, I mean, we're fighters. It's not like we can Polymorph them.

Villain: No, look, it was a pun. Charred, Chard? 'Cause they were charred, and then you were gonna stab them full of holes?

Henchman1: But Swiss Chard doesn't have holes.

Henchman2: Swiss Cheese has holes, but not Swiss Chard.

Party Member: Well, I guess if you wanna assume that "Swiss", as a rule of thumb, means that it has holes in it, then it sort of makes sense.

Villain: Really, it was just supposed to be a pun.

Henchman1: Chard and cheese don't even rhyme, though.

Henchman2: Plus, we're in the land of Daynork. There's no Switzerland in Daynork, so there's no Swiss.

Party Member: Maybe we can assume that what he really said was some kind of other country in this world where they make cheese with holes in it.

Henchman2: And they're famous for their chard, too?

Party Member: Okay, my bad. Can we just roll initiative?


I'm A Banana

DANGIT, Shadow beat me!

Yeah, I'm pretty sure that it's from Kefka's infamous final battle speach. The PC's array and condemn him, and then insert the self-help line. :)

Kefka's got a lot of good lines, actually:

"There's nothing quite like the sound of a thousand voices screaming in unison"


"Son of a submariner!"

Etc. :)

Psychotic Jim

First Post
Here's some more I forgot:

"The streets will flow with the blood of the nonbelievers."

"Heeere's Johnny!"

"You are all just in time for your own funerals!"

"Say hello to my little friend." *pulls out weapon of death*


First Post
"Your mother was a Hamster, and your father smelled of Elderberries!"

[to a bard character]
"You Spoony Bard!"

And my absolute favourite (especially if a will save is required afterward) is:


First Post
I found being extra nice in tone and style really freaked out my players once.

"You see, I'm rather fond of power. I'd much rather be in charge around here. That way, I can burn this stupid temple down. I like burning things. And you see, you four are the most powerful people around at the moment. So I thought - being an evil genius and suchlike - that I'd send you all off to die. But I noted whilst scrying you that you didn't die, so I assembled some friends and, well, here we are!

I believe this is the part where we have a big fight and I get away without a scratch, possibly killing one of you before I go...what fun, eh?"

Note: The Cleric9 in question did manage to kill a PC, and he did manage to escape. I was so proud of him...:D


First Post
Before the final dual.

"Look at me and see your death."

After a sucessful backstab using paralytic poison.

"Understand this, as you lay there dying you are not alone. Soon the rest of your kin will follow. The (pc's family name) line stops here."


First Post
"We have waited centuries for this moment. The rivers will soon run red with the blood of those who oppose us."

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