D&D 5E 15 Petty Reasons I Won't Buy 5e

[Tequila Sunrise]

That's one thing that always drives me nuts. It's not that hard to do standard, rhythmic progressions; why they feel the need to either avoid patterns or keep the patterns opaque is beyond me.

Glad I'm not the only one.

Well, enjoy 4e for a few more months. After that, the special ink will fade and the ddi will erase itself. Then the WotCstappo will come and threaten your hamster if you don't buy Tyranny of Dragons. Resistance is futile. You will become like uzz.

Little do they know, my hamster is the progeny of the Monty Python Grail Rabbit!

 

[Tequila Sunrise]

The color of the spine will clash on the shelf next to my 4e books, forcing me to buy a new bookshelf to avoid this; since I don't have enough room for a new bookshelf, this travesty cannot be allowed.

Oh, that reminds me...

16. The silver ampersand clashes horribly with the red D's. Lose the red, so fans don't have to tell the store clerk they're buying for their 10 year old nephews, and compliment the silver ampersand with something that makes it appear as if WotC has an art budget.

And just for good measure...

17. We're back to random treasure tables, really? It works okay in Diablo, but I don't want to grind for loot in D&D!

 

[Tequila Sunrise]

I wish I knew how serious you were being.

While the OP is somewhat of a joke inspired by a certain vocal poster in a certain ENworld subforum, it is not without truth. There are practical obstacles and more mundane reasons I won't be buying 5e, but it's also true that I'd probably try to overcome those obstacles if 5e looked different in the right ways. Heck, I'd be more likely to buy 5e if WotC were like "Haha, we punked you guys good...now here's the real 5e!" than I am currently likely to ever buy it, even if my situation improves.

In other words, it's not that 5e looks utterly terrible; it just looks less fun than what I already have.

 

[Hussar]

((BTW TS, your text is black on black - hard to read))

This thread was much more fun when I thought the OP was tongue firmly in cheek.

Good grief, kvetching about random treasure tables? REALLY? Is it really that hard to pick your own treasures and ignore the tables?

I am constantly astounded by the level of hand holding people seem to expect from RPG books. Good grief.

 

[BoldItalic]

Well, I'm certainly not buying the Basic version.



No, I mean if I download it and print it out and put the pages in a binder, how am I going to make the binder look like it's D&D?

I'm going to buy the printed books and cut the covers off and glue them onto the binders I use for the printouts. Then it will look cool.

 

[GMMichael]

I've solved a lot of these issues.

Speaking of magic items, 5e still has +X items. *yawn*

Magic items contribute to an ability, skill, or feat.

Mages are still the game's 'supreme magic-users,' and still can't heal. Are they even using balance as an excuse this time, or is it just one of those things that 'doesn't feel like D&D'?

Yes, they can. The PC can choose to learn a healing spell. But he'll need GM permission to find the spell.

Speaking of healing spells, they're now in the evocation school...bwuh? First it was necromancy, which made perfect sense, then it was conjuration, and now it's in the blow-stuff-up school. Jeez, D&D, make up your mind!

Schools have been removed.

Hard Stat Caps: A well-designed game doesn't need awkward hard caps.

And, removed. Actually, it does, if you want to maintain something like level-integrity.

A La Carte Multiclassing: You know, I think that 3e style multiclassing is a great idea, and I believe there're ways to make it work! Unfortunately, treating 1st level characters as (semi?)competent adventurers is not one of those ways.

1st level is "amateur" level.

Spell charts and class ability advancements are irregular: Yes, it bothers me that there's no pattern.

Pattern solved. Every level gets an ability point, skill point, and perk.

And last, but certainly not least...NO MORE LEVEL BONUS TO AC?! What, it makes too much sense? Is it too elegant? No, I guess it just 'doesn't feel like D&D.'

AC should've always been a skill. Or damage reduction.

See? Problems solved. Now my homebrew....oh. These were 5E problems? Yeah, good luck getting WotC to conform to your needs.

 

[Ruin Explorer]

Well, enjoy 4e for a few more months. After that, the special ink will fade and the ddi will erase itself. Then the WotCstappo will come and threaten your hamster if you don't buy Tyranny of Dragons. Resistance is futile. You will become like uzz.

The trouble is, the DDI actually could erase itself. It's not unprecedented. That's the trouble with digital products, particularly sub-based ones which you don't actually download.

 

[pemerton]

The color of the spine will clash on the shelf next to my 4e books, forcing me to buy a new bookshelf to avoid this; since I don't have enough room for a new bookshelf, this travesty cannot be allowed.

Clash? My OD&D books have declared formal war against the new edition. I fear I will have to keep them in separate rooms.

I thought Henry had won the thread until I learned that Crothian had.

 

[Stainless]

How long will it take before someone takes your post seriously and not realise it's a joke high on irony? Oh, hang on, wait....

 

[Pickles JG]

I share most of these "concerns" though they are too petty to stop me trying the game - there is lots of good looking stuff in 5e too.

3) is one that bugs me as clearly a character with a +1 sword is more effective than one without. I think though that the randomness of the game with very short fights & few rolls will mean these differences are not so obvious as they are in 4e. There you make so many attack rolls per fight that a below par attack bonus can be really obvious. (yes you can make bad character in 4e but if you have 18 or 20 in you attack stat or 16 & recognise the issue & compensate you will be fine).

I am pretty sure that anyone with a net +2 would stand out even in 5e though.

Whether by this analysis the game is so random that stats don't really matter might be another concern.

My biggest concern is that the game while well designed & with lots of cool features is not for me.
In my favourite analogy, like gay porn however well done it is I am never going to really appreciate it let alone enjoy it.