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Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
When you tell jokes on the boards, please try to stick to ones that won't offend Morrus' grandmother (and the pre-teens who read this site.)
A guy walks into a bar with a priest, a rabbi, a horse, a dog, and a little tiny man 12" tall. The bartender looks up at them and growls, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
A guy walks into a bar with a priest, a rabbi, a horse, a dog, and a little tiny man 12" tall. The bartender looks up at them and growls, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
Dr Midnight
Explorer
A priest, a rabbi, and Dracula are sitting in a boat, fishing.
The priest catches a fish. "Look at the size of this fish!" he exclaims. "God must love me the most."
The rabbi catches an even bigger fish. "Oh, look at THIS fish! God must love ME the most."
Dracula catches the biggest fish of all. He shouts "BLAH!" then kills the priest and rabbi and drinks their blood.
The priest catches a fish. "Look at the size of this fish!" he exclaims. "God must love me the most."
The rabbi catches an even bigger fish. "Oh, look at THIS fish! God must love ME the most."
Dracula catches the biggest fish of all. He shouts "BLAH!" then kills the priest and rabbi and drinks their blood.
Piratecat
Sesquipedalian
A man was driving his new sports car down curvy back roads in Georgia. He turns a corner and *WHUMP* - he hits something. Pulling over, he discovers that he has pasted a jack rabbit. It's all over the front of his car, dead as can be. His car is splattered with gore.
Upset, he decides to wash off his car. He can hear a stream off the side of the road, so he grabs a coffee cup and heads down the bank. As he's filling up the cup, he sees something odd. Out in the stream, a fish is doing something weird. A bright red fish is almost dancing across the top of the water - *SPLISH SPLISH SPLISH SPLASH!* It does it several times as the late afternoon sunlight shimmers on its ruby scales, swimming around and then *SPLISH SPLISH SPLISH SPLASH!* "Strange," thinks the man, and he gets up and goes back to his car.
He's washing off his bumper from the rabbit remains when an old pickup truck pulls in behind him. A tall, pretty woman with blond hair gets out and walks up. "What all is the problem?" she asks.
"Oh, I just ran over this rabbit," the man answers.
"Ah kin help with that," the woman says in her soft accent. She goes back to her truck and rummages around for a minute, and then comes out with a spray can. As the man watches, she sprays the corpse of the rabbit... and within seconds, it begins healing! As the man watches, its pieces knit together and it starts breathing, and within a minute it's totally healthy and back to normal.
The rabbit looks at the man, puts its little paw in the air, and waves frantically at them. Then it hops a few paces closer to the bushes, turns around, and waves its paw again. Finally, it reaches the bushes, waves one more time, and disappears into the underbrush.
"What WAS that?" asks the man, thunderstruck. He grabs the can from the woman and reads the slogan printed on the can:
"Gives life to dead hair
Adds permanent wave!"
Upset, he decides to wash off his car. He can hear a stream off the side of the road, so he grabs a coffee cup and heads down the bank. As he's filling up the cup, he sees something odd. Out in the stream, a fish is doing something weird. A bright red fish is almost dancing across the top of the water - *SPLISH SPLISH SPLISH SPLASH!* It does it several times as the late afternoon sunlight shimmers on its ruby scales, swimming around and then *SPLISH SPLISH SPLISH SPLASH!* "Strange," thinks the man, and he gets up and goes back to his car.
He's washing off his bumper from the rabbit remains when an old pickup truck pulls in behind him. A tall, pretty woman with blond hair gets out and walks up. "What all is the problem?" she asks.
"Oh, I just ran over this rabbit," the man answers.
"Ah kin help with that," the woman says in her soft accent. She goes back to her truck and rummages around for a minute, and then comes out with a spray can. As the man watches, she sprays the corpse of the rabbit... and within seconds, it begins healing! As the man watches, its pieces knit together and it starts breathing, and within a minute it's totally healthy and back to normal.
The rabbit looks at the man, puts its little paw in the air, and waves frantically at them. Then it hops a few paces closer to the bushes, turns around, and waves its paw again. Finally, it reaches the bushes, waves one more time, and disappears into the underbrush.
"What WAS that?" asks the man, thunderstruck. He grabs the can from the woman and reads the slogan printed on the can:
"Gives life to dead hair
Adds permanent wave!"
BiggusGeekus
That's Latin for "cool"
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return?
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A STICK!
badda-bing!
Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here all week.
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A STICK!
badda-bing!
Thank you! Thank you! I'll be here all week.
Dr Midnight
Explorer
Sooo... the bright red fish isn't really part of the joke?
A red herring... as it were?
*ducks*
A red herring... as it were?
*ducks*
Dr Midnight
Explorer
That's pretty good. I'm sorry to have robbed you of your glory, but... I WIN!
Knock knock.
Knock knock.
