212 Odd, Useless, Interesting, and other wise non-sensical magic items

[Tanager]

Hat of the bread?

I think you want the chapeau du lapin.

The chapeau du lapin was created by a minotaur bloodline sorcerer with a flying
squirrel familiar. Due to an error in it's enchantment, the hat can be used by anyone
except a wizard or sorcerer. If a wizard or sorcerer uses the hat, they instead produce
a hostile animal as if Summon Nature's Ally III had been cast.

--Ben

Command phrase: "hey Rocky wanna see me pull a rabbit out of a hat"

Socks of disappearing

These appear to be ordinary socks, if worn immediately upon discovery they function just like ordinary socks. However, placed in an opaque container, washed or left otherwise unattended for even a few seconds, one sock will immediately and irrevocably vanish.

 

[Evilhalfling]

Figurine of wonderous power: clay pigeon

can turn into a real pigeon 1 per day. comand word "pul"
when the pigeon is activated, any one attempting to make a ranged attack roll (where the pigeon is a possible target)
must make a DC 15 will save or target the pigeon. The pidgeon has and AC of 12 and 1 hp.

 

[Ferret]

Figuine of Wonderous power: Quartz Rabbit

For 5 rounds 1 per day this small palm sized rabbit can turn into a normal sized rabbit, with one exception, as a full round action anyone holding this rabit is abile to pull a hat out of the rabbits mouth at a move-action.

 

[NewLifeForm]

These aren't too dissimilar to my normal magic items

Check out my entry in this thread: http://www.enworld.org/showthread.php?t=137389

A few more...

Murphy's LawBringer (aka Murphy's Blade)

+5 Long Sword which, on a critical hit, causes the most embarrassing or idiotic thing to happen to the wielder in the following round.

The Mediocre Mantle of Mendreed The OK

A Robe of unimpressive design and bland color that enables the wearer to become awe-inspiringly average in everyway. Spells and weapons will cause average damage, Charisma becomes 10-11, Wielder is difficult to remember precisely, etc. While it may be seen as a cursed item, it's really not that bad. Or that good. Or...I'm sorry I was distracted by something truly interesting.

The Perfect Thing

The Perfect Thing is exactly what your species and class needs to accomplish whatever it is they are doing. It's just the right size, their absolutely favorite color and easy to use. My players searched for this object as the end goal of a huge plane-spanning quest since everyone in the multiverse was after it. Everyone they encountered sang it's praises, but no one could clearly explain or describe it. After all...it's The Perfect Thing! It is possible that this is what distracted me a moment ago.

The Cowardly Coat of Colbourn the Fleeting

This long sleeved, dull brown, leather coat is thin and worn, but very comfortable. If faced with a challenging dilemma or imminent danger, the wearer need only run away. Doing so in this manner, especially if it leaves friends in the lurch, increases the characters movement rate to 10x normal. Once mobile in this fashion, the wearer can not stop running until the problem or danger they are fleeing is too hard to see clearly from their current distance.

NewLifeForm

 

[Elemental]

Casada's Sword of Capitalism

This appears to be a normal +2 Longsword. However, whenever the bearer is fighting any enemies with an INT score of 6 or more who appear to using low quality weapons or armour, the sword will try to possess the wearer. They will continue fighting, but will constantly shout the merits of Casada's Magic Armoury, where you can get The Best Magic Items at Low Low Prices. Also, the user will deal nonlethal damage to such enemies and cast Invisibility on their loot when they're being searched (poor, dead people make poor customers, after all)


Gauntlet of Temporal Displacement

This psionic item is a normal +2 Impact Gauntlet. Once per week, it can use a special attack. If it hits, it knocks the enemy into the middle of next week. If their space is occupied by a solid object at that time next week, they appear in the closest safe spot.

A variant is the Gauntlet of Fecal Dislocation, where the special attack can be used to beat the crap out of an opponent. They gain a +4 enhancement bonus to INT & WIS for 1 hour, as they are no longer full of crap.

An artifact version is the Gauntlet of Metaphysical Translation, which can knock the target right out of the d20 system. Stats for them in another RPG system must be rolled up before the fight can continue, probably in a very confused manner.


Red Pen of Supersonic Travel

Once per day, this pen can be used to activate a Greater Teleport effect. This is accomplished by using the pen to draw a red line across a map from the current destination to the intended destination. (see any Indiana Jones movie for a demonstration)


Hat of d02

The command word is "Know no limit." Nuff said.


Crowbar of Freeman

A +5 Evil Outsider Bane Club, the reason behind the strange design of this weapon is anyone's guess.


Belt of Narrative Provision

When worn by a character with the Improved Unarmed Strike feat, this item will cause a large bubble with "Whammo!" "Kapow!" "Blam!" or the like to appear in the air whenever the character hits someone with an unarmed attack.


Sword of Psionic Attraction

This is a normal magic sword that has been treated to be psionically attractive. The only effect that this have is that when a psychic anywhere in the multiverse manifests Call Weaponry, they're especially likely to get this sword. It spends maybe 1% of it's existence in the hands of it's owner.


Figurine of Wondrous Power: Energised Rabbit

When activated, this figure will transform into a normal bunny, which will run off in the indicated direction, and will keep going and going and going, indefinately. Since the owner can't tell it when to stop or get it to go anything other than set off, it's of limited use. The command word will change it back into figurine form, though that will usually involve waiting for it to circumnavigate the globe.

 

[NewLifeForm]

An artifact version is the Gauntlet of Metaphysical Translation, which can knock the target right out of the d20 system. Stats for them in another RPG system must be rolled up before the fight can continue, probably in a very confused manner.

It could be said that you've "knocked some sense into him".

These gauntlets and the Ring of Tuesday are definitely making appearences in my next campaign.

NewLifeForm

 

[ZuulMoG]

Hepmonaland Parka
This heavy furred overcoat is able to keep its wearer comfortable in temperatures ranging from -60C to 0C, although the wearer will take 1d4 subdual per hour (Fort DC18) from heat in warmer temperatures. While wearing the parka, the wearer is immune to jungle rot, the venom of tropical lizards and snakes, and gains DR 5/- against attacks by normal pirahna.

Burnoose of Controlling Polar Bears
This colorful silken garment must be worn alone, and can provide modesty and comfort in temperatures exceeding 35C, but the wearer is likely to collapse from cold if the temperature is below 15C (Fort DC18 of 1d4 subdual hourly). The wearer can affect Polar Bears as the Charm Monster spell, with no HD limit, 3/day.

Collapsable Tent-
This tent, when fully erected (a process requiring 8 man-hours of labor), can house up to forty persons of M size (more of smaller numbers, but is too low for larger creatures). Upon command, it collapses in one round. Anyone inside is entangled, and may either wait for rescue, or deal 20pts of slashing damage, or make a Strength check DC25 to escape. The latter two options will damage the Tent, repairs costing 100gp per point of damage or 100x Strength total used to escape. Rescuing someone from the collapsed tent requires 10 minutes. Re-packing the tent from its collapsed state requires another 8 hours, as does re-packing it from its standing state. The Tent weighs 400 pounds.

 

[TDRandall]

Clothes, emporer's new:

A set of clothing that entices anyone wishing to look truly grand into purchasing it. Cost is thrice that of your typical noble's suit. Upon wearing it in public, it casts an invisibility spell on itself while beguiling the wearer and associates into believing they are still fully covered.

Lashes, 40 (eye)

These false eyelashes are often used by illicit women known to seduce wealthy nobles or merchants. When applied, they temporarily give a +1 bonus to the wearer and cause any male observer to act as if they were dazzled, stunned, at -2 INT, or (non-violently) confused (wearer's choice). When batted quickly, they provide a mildly flower scented breeze to emerge from the wearer's square in the direction of facing. Bonuses and effects stack with the complimentary stilletto (heels) of gold digging.

Waldorfs ever-ready dispenser

Originally created by a swashbuckling bard for a swooning conquest known to burst into tears, this gift was claimed by her husband who placed it in the latrine. It can create up to 2 feet of tissue paper (4 inches wide) upon request up to 10 times daily, which again disappears two rounds after being dropped.

Piggy bank

This small china bank, often fashioned into the shape of an animal, operates similarly to a small bag of holding. The exception is that when smashed the owner finds (if they kept track) that the total sum held within is 10% less than originally deposited (amount disappears when deposited, not when attempted to reclaim). Very few know that the difference is transferred to the original (and very rich!) creator's linked item called a "1 arm bandit" which dispenses each sunrise the amounts taken from each of the many connected banks around the region the previous day.

 

[The Shaman]

After reading through this thread, I don't think I'll ever give a normal, 'useful' magic item as treasure ever again.

 

[frankthedm]

Was scrolling back through the forum and thought to add a couple that I've used in my games:

Scroll: Seen Servant
This looks to be a scroll of the spell "Unseen Servant", however careful examination will reveal that it was scribed in error and that part of the spell is missing. It can be learned as a normal spell.

When cast, it acts exactly like the spell "unseen servant" except that the servant which is conjured is visible to everyone. Unfortunately, the servant is an extraplanar being of such unspeakable horror that anyone who gazes upon it must make a Will save with a -10 penalty or run from the thing in abject terror. The servant will of course follow the caster, attepting to receive instructions from it's master. The servant looks different every time, so one cannot become inured to its appearance. There is a 1% chance that anyone falling prey to the terror of the servant will try to gouge out their own eyes rather than continue to look at the thing. However, if the caster is blind or blinfolded for the entire duration of the spell, it can be used safely. (He can simply shut his eyes before he casts, but if he gets even a glimpse of the thing he must make his save as normal).

That would be fun for a grimlock sorcerer

Enlarging Boulder of baleful returning. This +1 returning thrown rock appears to be a rock a medium character could throw as an improvised weapon with one hand. But when thrown it enlarges to the size of a hill giants thrown rock and functions like a simple weapon 2d6+str / x2 crit. /20’ range increment [or throwers rock throwing range, whichever is better]. Unfortunately, on its return, the boulder’s momentum brings it careening into the thrower [roll attack roll using the same attack and damage bonus it was thrown with, regardless if the wielder has a hand free]. The boulder returns to its normal size after the attack.