A Dear Abby sort of question ...

[Pseudonym]

Greetings EN World!

I am in a bit of a quandry, and so I appeal to the masses for advice.

My lovely bride and I were married last month, and along with the various gifts we received a number of checks. Well, upon checking my account balance earlier today I noticed it looked a little light, and after talking with a nice man from my bank it appears that one of our guests gave us a check which bounced; and subsequently cost me a $7 dollar fee.

The $7 is no hardship, but I am not sure how to handle the bounced check. It's the principle of the thing. We are in process of writing thank-you notes, and this person's hasn't been sent out yet. Should I mention it, perhaps in the note? Should I send a thank-you note at all?

I am not sure what the proper etiquette in this sort of situation is, so any insight would be appreciated.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

Kill him and take his stuff.

But seriously, how close are you or your bride to this person? Do you think you could talk to this person?

I would not mention it in a thank you note, that would be pretty rude. IIRC, you have one year to send a thank you per the ettiquette. I would hold off on sending a thank you and see if the person realizes their error and makes amends. If after that time nothing has happened you can either a) not send a thank you. After all, they didn't get you anything except a bank fee or b) send a thank you solely for attending the wedding and be sure not accept checks from that person ever again.

BTW, congratulations.

 

[Vraille Darkfang]

1. How well do you (or your wife) know this person? The better you know them, the more likely you should talk to the to find out what's going on. They may have accidently bounced the check. They may have switched accounts, thus leading to a bounced check.

2. If its some realtion you hardly know, talk to a relative/friend who knows them well. They might give you insight into what happened.

Beyond that, I'm not sure the best way to handle it.

As for banks charging YOU for depositing a bad check don't get me started. It's like the police arresting YOU for ALLOWING yourself to be robbed. You get taken by someone passing off a bad check, then the bank twists the knife by taking EVEN MORE MONEY away from you.

Why? You have money. The guy who bounced the check clearly doesn't. And there's not a darn thing you can do about it. Becasue who has ALL your money? Why the bank of course. Nice scam they got going. We once bounced 4-5 checks because a 300 check bounced and the bank didn't tell us for 3 weeks.

Commerce Bank (don't use them. EVER) manged to pry 40-50 dollars worth of fees from us. We left. We left. We now have a mortgage, large checking ccount, savings, bonds through our new bank. Commerce's greed has cost them over $10,000 dollars (on just house payment interest).

I'm sorry I'll end my rant here. Just remember Commerce Bank Sucks!

 

[BiggusGeekus]

You send two notes. One for the lovely gift, straight up and sincere. This is the card that might make it on their mantle, so no calling them a worthless deadbeat. Then you send a second note, saying "hey, dude, don't sweat the money, all we wanted was your presence and blessing, but The Man might be about to put you down and we thought you should know before the **** hits the fan."

 

[BOZ]

i would call them and let them know that the check bounced (it is important that they are aware of it, because that could hit their credit), but i would not mention writing a new check or anything like taht.

 

[loki44]

Ignore it. Whoever gave you the check will know the check bounced, probably before you did. If it was an honest mistake they'll be sufficiently embarrassed and will most likely approach you about it anyway. If it was a willful bouncing of a check, screw 'em. As for the 7 bucks, call your bank and explain.....it's pretty easy to get those automatic charges waived as long as you're not a habitual offender.

 

[Nellisir]

Write the thank-you note. Say thanks for being there, blah, blah, and something vague and generic like "thanks for your expression of goodwill". Don't mention the bounced check - they already know, and their bank is assessing a fee on them.

One of two things will happen. A) the checkwriter will be really apologetic and give you cash (and maybe even something extra to cover the fee), or B) they'll never mention it again, which is your cue to gracefully allow your relationship with this person to wither into nothingness.

Cheers
Nell.