A History of a World.

Laveral

First Post
I have been trying to create a homebrew world thelat couple of months. I wrote a short history for basis of the world. Th name is kind of lame I guess and some of the parts of history might notbe to the taste of others, but I am posting it here to get a little help on and maybe with your help I can flesh out the rest of the world. I have drawn a map and I have several cities besides the ones listed in the history so if you want more info I will post that on too, but I would like critiqes on the history mainly and maybe so other ideas.

Here we go:History of the province known as Wystilyn:

Wystilyn was started by four humans at a time of turmoil in the lands. Saigan Darthes a fighter of great prowess, Jarvill Venable a young druid with much potential, Demus Sorenstam an upstart cleric of Theigon, and Hesian Yarzith an older ranger that led the others through the lands. These four men began clearing the land for settlement. They were explorers on a mission to pave a path for others to join them for their land was being destroyed by plague and drought. This land in which they were fleeing from is now known as the Great Desert of Desolation. The Desert is a home for the undead and demons of all sorts now.

The elves and dwarves were separated from the rest of the races at this time. They each did not like or trust each other. The good thing for the human settlers was that the elves only claimed the forests and the dwarves claimed the mountains, so the plains and valleys were free for development. The only race for the humans to contend with were the kender who seemed to do a fine job of settling and building towns as any. The only problem with the kender towns was that every thing was too small. The humans just seem to build around or beside the kender. Although fearless and never afraid of the humans the kender were more of a welcome wagon for the humans. The humans had a harder time getting along with the kender than the kender did with the humans. Over time they learned to live together.
The group decided to set up boundaries in which they would set for their expansion as to not put others out of land. To the south Saigan Darthis started a trading post beside the mouth of the River Quailn. Many farmers and ranchers found the land around this area plump for harvest and settled down. Over time Saigan’s Door, as it is now known to be called, is the largest city in the realm.
Demus Sorenstam found a plain about 20 miles from the Green Sea and built a temple in the honor of Theigon god of justice. With a temple already there many people began to settle around this area in order to be near spiritual guidance. They named the town Sorenstam after the priest who founded the town, and Sorenstam grew to become the Capitol of what to the kender was called Wystilyn.
The ranger, Hesian Yarzith, spent his time going to the different nations, elves, gnomes, dwarves, etc, and proposing trade agreements. The Straight line trade route that now seperates Wystilyn from the frontier is a result of the work Hesian did during his last days.
Jarvill began to find himself at one with nature within a forest that was just outside the military fort of Quandra. The forest there has been renamed for this long standing Druid that spent his years helping the forest be free of evil and strife. Of the four men that started out Jarvill is thought to still be alive in some form within this forest.




Saigan’s Door : Metropolis/ pop. 42,765


Thanks,
Lav.
 

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Hmmmmmmmm. I have had 13 people look at the postbut no responses. Maybe I should rethink the way I post things on these boards. It seems you all are picky about what you post on. What do you all suggest. When I ask for help that means I have come to a point in my thought process where I can't think of anyting at the time.
Anyway, I am jut looking for a little help and idea boosters.

Thanks,
Lav.
 

Once you have establish the town now you should think about thee enemies.

Like a tribe of minotaur that pass this region twice a year.
 

Okay, you want some feedback...

1) The land is a province. Of what?

2) In a similar fashion, what did the old king/emperor/government of their former kingdom think of the founding of this place, and the resulting mass exodus from the original kingdom? (Yes, I know there was a drought, but taking people from a kingdom, while increasing their chances of survival, lessens the land's ability to put forth recovery efforts later...)

3) Now, why did the elves and dwarfs just accept the humans moving in next door? Even if they only lived in the mountains or forests, they at least could have attempted to establish dominion over them--or even eliminate them completely. Elves, for example, ain't dumb--humans coming means trees going.
 


Is that some type of joke, because it is not very funny. If you are being serious I could suggest where you can stick your opinion Jeph.
 

Well, nice to see you're serious about wanting criticism. I write you three very cognizant questions, and you ignore them and get huffy over someone's criticism of your spelling.
 

Talking about my spelling isn't criticism it is rude and uncalled for. If he had nothing costructive to say

I actually liked your idea Rhialto. I am using them to flesh things out. In the beginning Wystilyn was suppose to be a new kingdom fashioned after the old. The king of the old kingdom sent the adventurers out to find new land to begin anew in. I willalos try to flesh out some free cities seperate to the kingdom.

As for the dwarves and elves, I am fleshing out there history right now. I think it will center more around the Dwarven tribes/clans feuding amoungst themselves. There are several variety of elves: Blue (aquatic), Green (wood), Gold (sun), Gray (moon), Black or Dark (drow), and then there are wild elves who roam in barbarian tribes. I am havina more difficult time coming up wth the elven history than the dwarves.

Lav.
 

I agree, it was rude, and I apologize. I'm just an incredibly impulsive sarcastic person, and sometimes rub people the wrong way.

I'm no human spellcheck myself, either ;)

- Jeph
 

Wystilyn was started by four humans at a time of turmoil in the lands.

were they leading the exodus of people out of the plagued lands?

Saigan Darthes a fighter of great prowess

Was Saigan a hero of his people, an Epic Fighter? Or is was he a lower leveled Fighter with some amazing story....

Jarvill Venable a young druid with much potential

Why does he help start a City, Kingdom...Is he an alternate type of Druid such as those we see in the Shannara Serries by Terry brookes where they are the guardians of their people, and protect the learning of the past ( Science basically) or are they the normal druid



Demus Sorenstam an upstart cleric of Theigon

What makes him an upstart, does he found an unorthodox sect, Name himself the Chosen of Theigon, perhaps he is a Proxy of his god and his people are persecuting him for this reason.

Hesian Yarzith an older ranger that led the others through the lands.

How old was he, perhaps he is a mysterious strider figure that has lived far longer than a normal human should live for some reason. Perhaps Hesian still lives in the world and is thought of as the Old Man of the Woods. Maybe A Ranger/ Bard Heroic quasidiety


These four men began clearing the land for settlement.

Again why would a Druid, and a Ranger clear land...Did the party have a breaking of the path once the found a place...perhaps they found ruins of an ancient society, and simply used the stones from these to build the city with in the walls of that ancient place. The Cleric blesses the land and the druid begins a great forested grove for the druids of his old land thru the use of some ancient druidic power

They were explorers on a mission to pave a path for others to join them

Did they go it alone or did the others start an exodus that followed in the trails that they blazed

for their land was being destroyed by plague and drought. This land in which they were fleeing from is now known as the Great Desert of Desolation. The Desert is a home for the undead and demons of all sorts now.

Was there a reason the lands were suffering from a blight as such (anger of a God, Magic of an Evil Villian, Etc)?

From the way you wrote this I would say an evil Villian rose up and brought the desolation to the land. ( A Sauron figure, of at least 15th level. He could be a once good man turned evil)
 

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