A short story that I've written

[Dioltach]

Lately I've found that at the end of a long day I don't really have much energy for reading. Strangely, perhaps, I've been writing a lot instead. If anyone's interested, here's an example, the first in a Sword & Sorcery series that I call The Tales of Henren the Bloody and the Cat.

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The gift of speech

A tale of Henren the Bloody and the Cat


I heard them long before they came into sight: first the piercing wail of an infant, then, as I drew closer, the raised voices of a woman and a man. Topping a slight rise in the road I saw them: a couple of pedlars standing beside a small but heavily loaded cart with a long-faced donkey yoked to it. The man was holding the infant in his arms and berating the woman, who was peering down at one of the cart’s wheels and snapping back at him.

They weren’t so preoccupied that they didn’t notice my approach, though. The roads were safer than they had been, but no experienced traveller would let a stranger come up on them unawares. The couple held off their arguing as I approached, the woman rising to move beside the man with a long-handled hammer in her hands and the man turning half away with the infant, as if ready to dash into the trees lining the road. Even the child stopped its mewling, as if sensing its parents’ apprehension.

I slowed my pace as I neared to give them the chance to look me over. I saw them take in the short spear and sword strapped to the flanks of the horse that I led and the heavy dagger at my belt – I lifted my cloak obligingly to give them a clearer view – before their gaze turned back to the horse. More precisely, their eyes were drawn to the Cat’s cradle mounted before the saddle. The Cat himself, black as coal from nose to tail, was out of sight for them, curled up in the cradle. It was a sunny day, so I’d folded back the cover that protected him from rain and cold.

===

See the PDF attached to read the rest of the story.

 

[Dioltach]

In response to what I can only assume is stunned silence, here's another story of Henren the Bloody and the Cat.

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A short story

A tale of Henren the Bloody and the Cat



“Bring me a story, Henren the Bloody,” the old man said. “That’s my price.”

I stared at him for a moment, and he stared right back. There was a feverish look in his eye, and his skin was sallow, with a few wispy white hairs on his chin. But this was a shabby inn in a poor part of a trading town that had been hit hard by the war, and there were many who looked much worse than him. Plenty who acted crazier too, despite his most recent pronouncement.

“A story?” I repeated. “That’s all you want?”

“That’s all I want. But – ” he interrupted me with a cackle as I was about to speak again, “but it’s got to be your own story. I’m not interested in someone else’s adventures. What’s more,” he poked a bony finger into my chest, “I want it clean. Nothing stale, nothing that’s been bandied around in taverns and mead halls.” Another poke. “Bring me something fresh off the streets.”

===

As before, the story continues in the attached PDF.

 

[Dioltach]

OK, so no thoughts from anyone? That's pretty unique in the two decades that I've been hanging out here. Usually people are more outspoken. Or is it a question of "if you can't think of think of anything nice to say, don't say anything"?

To be clear: I wouldn't have posted these stories if I hadn't been looking for honest feedback. I like to think they're better than some published books I've read, but that's possibly just because I'm writing what I'd like to read. So still looking for people's thoughts.

 

[Richards]

Okay, I'll be your first reviewer.

First off, the reason I initially ignored this thread after having read your first post: I'm not a fan of cats. (Allergies will do that - I prefer to be able to breathe over any comfort a cat might bring.) But then curiosity struck me, as I too had noticed nobody had responded to your thread in a week and a half, and I know how frustrating it can be hoping for feedback and getting nothing back.

So, general impressions: the stories are well written. They're also apparently out of order, given it's the second one (and is "A short story" the actual name of that short story?) that details the meeting of Henren the Bloody and the Cat. The stories were short enough to overcome my original hesitancy to devote a lot of time to reading something I wasn't originally inclined to read. Their short length obviously makes it difficult to advance very much as far as worldbuilding goes, but I already get a good feel for what type of world in which these tales take place, and you've dropped a few intriguing details (like a talking stone face over a river) that hint at the bigger world. And despite my general dislike of cats, the Cat is an intriguing character - enough so I wouldn't mind reading more, to learn more about him.

Are you thinking of eventually publishing these? While they are both already very polished, I did note a missing word at the end of the fifth paragraph of "The gift of speech" ("As if it my fault his peace and quiet was being disturbed" could probably use a "were" after "it".) I was also struck by the oddity (to my American eyes) of the word "pedlar" - but Google informs me that's a British variant of "peddler." Likewise, "miaow" stood out as looking strange, as I'm much more accustomed to "meow," but that's just a stylistic choice.

So, well done! Of the two, I think I enjoyed "The gift of speech" better because it was more standalone; "A short story" is apparently only the first part of a series of encounters, assuming Henren the Bloody and the Cat seek out the Grand Duchess and eventually find out the details of the Sea Prince's whereabouts.

Johnathan

 

[Dioltach]

@Richards Thanks for reading the stories, and for the review, much appreciated on both counts, particularly in the face of your allergies!

The reason why they're not in chronological order is that "The gift of speech" probably wouldn't have as much impact if the reader is already familiar with the Cat. So it serves as a sort of teaser, I suppose. At some point I'd like to see about getting them published, once I have enough stories ready.

I don't know whether I'll revisit the Sea Prince, but the Grand Duchess should make an appearance at some point. Personally, I like stories where there's a lot more hinted at than actually told, so the reader can let there imagination fill in the blanks, and most of what I've written a short stand-alone incidents.

Anyway, thanks again for reading and sharing your thoughts - and for wanting to read more!

 

[Dioltach]

Alright, alright! Give the audience what they want, and the audience is clearly clamouring for more stories of Henren the Bloody and the Cat. This one is more traditionally Sword & Sorcery, so perhaps that will appeal a bit more.

===
Dragon’s Oath

A tale of Henren the Bloody and the Cat



“It’s too far for me to walk,” the Cat said reluctantly.

“Yes.”

“And you’re not going to carry me.”

“I need my hands free. Sorry.” I reached down and stroked his head. “And before you ask, I’m not taking the horse out there. Too skittish. Unpredictable. You know that.”

“I know that,” he agreed glumly. “I just wish I could go with you.”

Together we stared out across the dusty plain to the low ridge where the dragon waited. “Are you sure?” I asked. “I don’t even want to go, and I’m supposed to be the hero.” His only reply was to nudge my leg with his head.

Being a hero comes with responsibilities. When the city you’re in is under attack from a dragon, for example, you’re expected to step up. The frightened populace look to you to protect them, or at least die a spectacular death and provide them with something to talk about as they rebuild their city from the rubble.

On this particular occasion, the dragon had shown up the previous afternoon. It had flown around for a bit, screeching and blowing flames, before settling on a rocky outcrop about half a mile from the city’s main gate. The implication was clear: give me gold or I’ll torch the place. Dragons, for all their devious cunning, tend to adopt a simple approach. Of course, who needs complicated strategies when you’re fiery death on wings?

===
As before, it continues in the PDF.

 

[Richards]

Very nice. One typo on page 3 (of the PDF), though: the Cat says, “It’s thanks to me that we gold all this gold” - I imagine that was intended to read, “It’s thanks to me that we got all this gold” (underlined bits for emphasis).

Henren the Bloody is - or at least was - a bit more competent than I had believed, especially if he had previously taken out Fornox's mother before having ever met up with the Cat. (I don't want to spoil anything for those who haven't yet read the story.)

Johnathan

 

[Dioltach]

@Richards, thanks for reading! And thanks for spotting the typo. "Do I need to do a proper proofreading?" I asked myself. "No, I've read it so many times, I've caught all the mistakes." One day I'll learn.

I've actually always written Henren as very competent. But I realise that the previous stories I posted here didn't show that. Those weren't the first stories I wrote, so I didn't stop to think how the reader would perceive him. Thanks for highlighting this.