Advice on getting back in, and other matters...

[boxstop7]

Greetings, all...

It's been a long while since I posted here. Who would've imagined that graduating college and entering the real world would've sucked up so much of my free time????? Anyway, I've been out of gaming for a while, and lately I've really been itching to get back in. And, I've got a great way to do it: my fiance's kids. Unfortunately, my fiance is dead set against this. Her kids are great: three girls, all with incredible imaginations, enraptured with the likes of magic and fairy tales and Harry Potter and Yu-gi-oh and LOTR...I could go on and on. They are PRIME candidates for some homespun, low-level, introductory D&D. And, with mom and myself working, they've been growing increasingly bored this summer. What better way to pass a few hours in the evenings than to bring D&D into the fold? But my fiance says "no way, buster!" I think they would love it, but she has the stereotypical view of role-playing, and thinks the whole notion of playing a game in your head is utterly absurd...to the point that I've even stopped talking about role-playing around her so as to avoid the snickers and jibes and incredulous looks. She's never tried it, will never try it, is completely uninterested in trying it, and has rigidly formed opinions about role-players and the games they play (fortunately none of those preconceptions involve a Jack Chick-esque take on the topic).

So here's my question to all of you: Does anyone have any advice or wisdom or personal experience with a situation such as mine that they would like to share with me? I'm stuck...I really feel that I'm sitting on a role-playing goldmine here, and the situation requires some tact and delicacy for sure. I love my fiance dearly, and she is an amazing woman...I certainly don't want to step on her toes. I just think she's being a little narrow-minded. Any suggestions?

- Jason

Post: It's good to be back...this community is still the BEST out there, thanks to all of the people in charge and all of the people who contribute...

 

[Zenodotus of Ephesus]

I love my fiance dearly, and she is an amazing woman...I certainly don't want to step on her toes. I just think she's being a little narrow-minded. Any suggestions?

Don't screw it up. Find players elsewhere.

http://www.enworld.org/forumdisplay.php?f=49

http://www.accessdenied.net/

http://dnd.meetup.com/196/

 

[DerianCypher]

Well... I would say probably just find gamers elsewhere. One thing you could suggest though is ask her if you can run a session with them, with her supervising, and see if the girls have fun. You never know, you might get your fiance hooked!

DC

 

[IronWolf]

You could be in for a rough time if your fiance isn't supportive of it. I would certainly consider finding other players at any one of the sites Zenodotus of Ephesus listed. If you really want to make a go of it you will probably need to ease your fiance into the idea of you playing.

How is she going to feel if you decide to get involved in a regular group even if they aren't the children? I would imagine that is bound to cause some tension if she isn't somewhat supportive.

In my case my wife is not a gamer. We got her to try it once and it just isn't her thing. Despite that she has very few qualms of me going out every other week to play that game I play. In return she gets time to head out and do her thing.

I guess what I am saying it if you really want to play again and she is not seeming too for that idea you will probably do best to ease back into it. And by that I would mean leave the kids out of it for now. Maybe once she warms up to the idea she will see the point you were trying to make in the very beginning.

 

[boxstop7]

Good point, Cypher. I'm not concerned at all with getting my fiance interested; I don't expect that to ever happen. One thing I've considered is using the D&D game a few nights a week to give my fiance a few hours of peace and quiet. The girls can be clingy and demanding sometimes, and I thought this would be a great way to let them exercise their imaginations while giving mom some quiet, alone time. Maybe I could take that angle with her?

As for me gaming, she doesn't care if I go elsewhere and play with other people. She's fine with that. She knows I enjoy it, and just because she's completely uninterested in it doesn't mean that it's off-limits to me. She's just skiddish about her girls getting involved.

Also, perhaps I was a *tad* dramatic in my previous post (a role-player being dramatic...never!). I didn't want to give the impression that this is a bitter dispute or anything. It's not really even an argument in our house. It's just something that she and I don't view in the same light, and I'm seeking ways to tactfully demonstrate to her that this could be a wonderful thing for all parties involved, not a negative influence or experience.

 

[Lord Foul]

I would leave a source book some place in plain sight of the kids. Let them ask you questions about it. That way mom sees them asking to know or play, and how can a mother say no without a good explanation to her sweet little kids.

On the other hand do what I do....find yourself a gaming group and meet bi-weekly or whatever. As others have posted already, try the "gamers seeking gamers" boards here and other places on the NET. It worked for me.

 

[BSF]

Point out that roleplaying is a good exercise in problem solving and critical thought. There is a reason why so many college classes include roleplaying aspects. Whether dealing with dishonest employees, disgruntled customers, or whatever, there are many classes that use roleplaying to help teach people to think and respond. Sure, they often use some sort of euphemism for it, but it is still roleplaying. Heck, isn't this what parents are supposed to do?

"OK Jimmy, I am a drug using loser you meet at a party and I offer you some dope, what do you say?"

That is roleplaying. So you also mix it with fantasy and mythology and make it fun as well. I know some people just don't 'get it', but that has equally baffled me and I just agree to disagree with those folks.

Of course, my wife is supportive of my gaming and often joins my games. My son can't wait to join us at the table. My situation is just a little different from yours. Take your time and don't push too hard. Maybe your fiancee will come around sooner or later?