Amuse me, dammit!

[Piratecat]

I'm in a foul mood, and I think people should tell me funny gaming stories and/or gaming jokes until I'm not. The funnier the better. Please.

Git typing!

 

[Mark]

What has one eye, one claw and no patience for edition wars?

 

[chaotix42]

4e - The PCs fought some trolls and ran out of fire attacks before they could kill the last one. The fighter broke out the Portable Campsite™ in the middle of the day just so they could roll the bugger into the campfire.

 

[mach1.9pants]

An elf, a human and a dwarf are all enjoying drinks in a tavern when each notices a fly in their glass.
The elf places his napkin over the glass and pushes it off to the side.
The human removes the fly and keeps drinking.
The dwarf pulls out the fly and starts yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!

from this thread
1001+DnD Jokes - Wizards Community

 

[tuxgeo]

I'm in a foul mood, and I think people should tell me funny gaming stories and/or gaming jokes until I'm not. The funnier the better. Please.

Git typing!

The following isn't actually funny, but it's all I have at the moment: not a Wassailing song, but an Assailing song (inspired by 3rd Edition, obviously):

Here we come adventuring and walking into traps,
We'll remain in danger until we shut our yaps,

Bolts and blows come to you,
And a Magic Missle too,
And gods hear you and grant you the spells that you request,
And gods send you no death-inflicting Jest.


We are not vagrant scou-n-drels that lurk upon the moors,
But we are dashing rounders that pass out on the floors,

Assail the trees, that they may fear
Many a sword and many a spear,
For they bear and fruit the best in the shelter of their glades,
When they dread the cutting edges of our blades.


Our wassail-cup is crafted from the rosemary-tree,
Our wassail-ale is crafted from the best barley,

Pints and gills come to you,
And a mulled libation too,
And gods bless you and grant you a belly full of beer,
And gods send you a modicum of cheer.

 

[howandwhy99]

I wish I were funnier (what happened to annual ENWorld OD&D Day this past April 1st anyways?), but I can say you're the best admin of any site I've seen or heard on the internet. And if you don't feel appreciated, you should know you are.

even by us rascally ones.

 

[chaotix42]

wtf dbl post plz delete kthxbai!

 

[I'm A Banana]

I'm sorry, I don't have any great stories but I do have this...

It's LOLall I can do!

 

[Wild Gazebo]

Two guys walked into a bar...

the third guy made his spot check.

 

[FireLance]

If you're trying to distract an orc, shouldn't you be using a +3.14 pie?