And thus it ends ...sorta

[Chimera]

Just over two years off a really nasty divorce with all sorts of lies and slander from the ex- that cost me everyone I knew.

But it isn't/wasn't the same as yours. We didn't have kids, for one. So I won't pretend that I "know" exactly where you're coming from.

Step 1: Breath (as others have said).

Stillness, even when you don't want to be still. Patience, even when you don't want to be patient. Stillness and Delay as a stalling tactic to allow yourself time to breath and think.

Step 2: Deal with yourself first. If you can't get yourself right, you can't get anyone else right either.

You can't change what she is doing, what they are doing. At best you can only influence, and if you're vilified, you have precious little of that available.

So step back, take a deep breath, and work on the ground beneath your own feet.

Step 3: Let Go.

Yes, you still love her. But she doesn't love you anymore and you won't win her back. When it comes down to it, you wouldn't be happy - in the long run - if she did come back to you. The bad would things would only continue to fester and grow. She'd find yet another guy to cheat with, to plot with.

So let go.

You can't save people who don't want to be saved.
You can't change people who don't want to be changed.


Step back, let go, take a deep breath, and work on your own stability and mental health.

Everything else will sort itself out along the way.

 

[Klaus]

Mega,

As most, I know you from the boards, and I also wish you all the strength you need to endure this storm. But know this: the storm WILL pass.

Like others said, prioritize. First you need to clear your debt, then find a place to live. Even if it's a bit farther away, it beats having no roof, and you can move again later, when things aren't so dire.

Your first thoughts at this moment must be towards your kids. You must dust yourself off and keep level-headed for their sake.

If you need, look into any sort of support group, there's bound to be a few that you can reach with no difficulty.

As for the Big G, there's a story that I hope doesn't break the religion rule:

One night I had a dream...

I dreamt I was walking down the beach with the Lord and throughout the sky, scenes of my life were flashing by. For every scene that flashed by, I realized that two sets of footprints were left on the sand: mine’s and the Lord’s.

When the last scene flashed by us, I looked back at the footprints on the sand and noticed that, throughout my walk through life, there was only a single set of footprints. I also noted that this happened during the hardest and most anguishing moments of my life. That upset me greatly, and I asked the Lord:

“Lord, You told me that once I had chosen to follow You, You would always walk with me, all the way. However, I noticed that during the greatest tribulations of my life, there was only a single set of footprints in the sand. I can’t understand why, when I needed You most, You left me alone."

And the Lord answered:

“My dead son, I would never leave you in the times of trial and suffering. When you saw a single set of footprints on the sand, those were My footprints. Those were the times when I held carried you in My arms.”

Peace and Strength to you, friend.

 

[Steve Jung]

Good thoughts from me. As the others said, your focus should be on yourself. You can't help your children if you're not settled.

 

[Treebore]

The big G hasn't been ignoring you, you haven't been listening to him. Get yourself together, do what you need to do to be healthy, physically, emotionally, and financially. Then you will be in a position to help your kids.

Like I said, he hasn't been ignoring you. You've been busy sitting on your arse feeling sorry for yourself. He's been telling you to get off your arse and do what you have to in order to get your life in order, and take care of your kids!! Your wife is obviously not too concerned about them or she wouldn't be wanting a guy who is known to be violent. Of course she is probably saying, "He won't be that way with me. I'll make him happy and all better." Yeah, right. She has been so good for you this other guy should be a breeze.

So pull your head out of your arse, get off of it, and do what you have to (legally) to get your life straightened out! Simple! Painful, probably a lot of hard work and hard decisions, but a simple plan.

So quit complaining about him not being there for you. He is, and he'll help you find the strength to FIX YOUR LIFE YOURSELF. He doesn't use the magic wand waving approach.

 

[MavrickWeirdo]

While I am sure that all the replies so far are made out of sincere concern for Megamania, we don't want this to turn into a religious debate.

 

[Chimera]

Like I said, he hasn't been ignoring you. You've been busy sitting on your arse feeling sorry for yourself.

Treebore

While the thought behind this may be well intentioned, this is not helpful.

If you haven't been through this kind of pain, then you've no idea how it is.

 

[elforcelf]

Yes,Treebore that was uncalled for. He needs help not a bitching out.

 

[megamania]

Well I have my first face to face talk with him. I can see he has an angry button that concerns me but I am confident he cares for both my wife and children.

The funny thing is HE is having some second thoughts now. Afterall- she cheated on me. What is keeping her from cheating on him later. Funny in a way.

During the talk it also became evident that what my wife tells me is different from him. Both of us saw this clearly during our talk. She is suddenly aware how close she is coming to losing both of us because her inability to tell the truth and/or be faithful.

This now scares me. What if she is left out by both of us? I know I need to move on but to leave her when I still care ....its a weird world.

As far as doing something stupid (life threatening) I think I am past that now but it wouldn't take much.

I'm just too tired from packing. Looks like I will need to look into e-bay soon to sell 100's of action figures, 100's of comicbook TPBs and 1000's of comics. The need for cash and less need to keep stuff I just don't use/look at anymore.

During our meeting we didn't cover much but I will have the kids on rotating weekends (unless the court says otherwise) and still not pay childcare (clearly the court will look into THAT one).

Thankyou everyone here. If not for you folks and my sadly my mother, I may not be here. It was hard but I told her about my attempted suicide last March. She now calls daily if only to be sure I answer.

People care. My wife still cares. I can see that. If I didn't have cancer and become limited to working 2nd & 3rd shifts leaving her alone we would possibly be together even now. That is life.


Corny as it sounds, I suppose because we both love the same woman whom loves both of us, I can see he and I becoming friends (though not soon bastard is making my DnD room into a pool table room) I ended our meeting with something I had told my wife that she laughed into tears over and its true.

We should write a TV show for PAX or other Hallmark TV type shows.

My wife of 14 years has fallen in love with another man. They tried to stay away but couldn't. It grew into love...I think true love. During this time I fought with cancer, diabetes, working 70+ hours a week and Hormone issues. Its not I don't want to be with her, its more about time and energy.

I am "handing" her over to him. This is out of love and care. He has the means to spend quality time with them, is finiancially secure, works 8-4 and yet brings in what I have to work 6am to midnight to reach.

Anyway- back to the hallmark moment.... They are dancing at their wedding. I have a dance with her and sit down. I am nearly in tears and a lady behind me introduses herself and asks which side of the family I am from. Back ground would be she likes my hobbies and the such and it ends with the strong possibility of my finding true love after all of this rtime also,






damn its hard to see to type with tears. Such a sap.


Anyway- again. Thankyou everyone.

 

[MavrickWeirdo]

Amen

 

[MavrickWeirdo]

As a side note, You may want to list any game/hobby materials you plan to sell here, and create a link to it in your sig.

Enworlders are the target consumer of alot of those.