And thus it ends ...sorta

[MavrickWeirdo]

Now I'm the one who will ask the rude question.

I am happy for you that you'll still be around your kids, and to be honest I hope your wife has changed her ways. I understand that you love her, really, but the question is, "Why should you believe that 'this time' will be different?" or more specifically, "What will prevent fear and insecurity from creeping back into your life/relationship?"

 

[ceratitis]

hi mega

i'm glad to hear you're doing better and close to your kids. i understand you still love your wife and as others have said you are a better person then i but i sinsirly (if misspelt) hope you'll be happy from now on, or at least for a while. even if things dont work out in the long run this is a better way to work things out and who knows, you might live happly ever after. we all believe in fantacy here, right ?
Z

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

Now I'm the one who will ask the rude question.

I am happy for you that you'll still be around your kids, and to be honest I hope your wife has changed her ways. I understand that you love her, really, but the question is, "Why should you believe that 'this time' will be different?" or more specifically, "What will prevent fear and insecurity from creeping back into your life/relationship?"

That should be something the counselor will try and work with the two of them to address. It can be done, but it isn't easy. The relationship will never be the same, but they way things were, they shouldn't it want it to be the way it used to ever again.

 

[Doctor Bomb]

Try Really Hard

Mega - my sympathies and congrats for getting on the path to recovery.

Thornir - Mav hit the nail on the head with that one.

Long story short version - I cheated on my wife at the beginning of our marriage (no excuse, but being away from home for over a year is hard on the love life...) and we split over it. 9 months later we were together, and things seemed OK. We moved to Hawaii and had the good life... but things had festered, and she wanted out. I talked her into seeing a marriage counselor, and after a couple months, we had worked on our communication issues and were trying for a baby. Then more military moves, and another year away from home, and she has gotten addicted to sleeping pills, drinks more heavily, and there is a 2 year old in the equation. I am not about to call it quits, even though I DID catch her sleeping with somebody else, and she has another guy online she is thinking of getting serious with. She's unstable (just tried to off herself for the second time last weekend), she lies about everything, - she needs help! And when I finally got her to sit in the house and talk about it the reason for her problems seem to all stem from the same issue - my infidelity and her inability to trust me - 8 years later.

big words of advice - DONT STOP THE MARRIAGE COUNSELING. It will take both of you years to get over the situation, and trust and guilt issues will be around for quite a while.

That's my 2 cp from a guy in a slightly different situation. I hope when you put all the pieces back together you end up with a more solid and meaningful relationship!

 

[megamania]

Things are still going good between us. The more I find out about this guy the more I know it was good to stick with it. He was bad news but as usual- he had charm, money and worse- time.

Now I need to figure out how to get to working like a normal person to pay our bills. Currently I work 70+ hours a week which is possibly the biggest problem we have that led to this whole mess to begin with.

 

[Treebore]

No, that isn't what led to this mess, but if your happier believing that, be happy.

 

[Piratecat]

MM, I've been meaning to post this for some time, and maybe it'll be some help. A lot of folks get therapists and counselors who aren't a good fit. Here's some great background on how to avoid that for anyone who is interested.

How to choose a therapist

Same topic, different article

Finding and evaluating a therapist

Take good care of yourself. I agree, a less active work schedule is going to help a ton.

 

[Numion]

That is great news Megamania. Keep realistic about things. Counseling is good, but may not fix everything the way you want it.

Even if it doesn't work, and ends in divorce, it might do some good in getting things in perspective. You know, not make the divorce a total disaster.

 

[ssampier]

MM, I've been meaning to post this for some time, and maybe it'll be some help. A lot of folks get therapists and counselors who aren't a good fit. Here's some great background on how to avoid that for anyone who is interested.

How to choose a therapist

Same topic, different article

Finding and evaluating a therapist

Take good care of yourself. I agree, a less active work schedule is going to help a ton.

That's actually quite helpful PirateCat. Thanks.

Best of luck life to you, megamania. Remember to take care of yourself, too.

 

[Harmon]

Mega- I have been thinking about your plight- you have my sympathies, my faith, and my hopes that you will find the light at the end of the long tunnel.

Best of luck.