Hi all. I got so much helpful feedback on my last thread that I thought I would put up the next piece I put together for comments as well. If you haven't read the previous thread, http://www.enworld.org/forums/showthread.php?t=87407, this one will make more sense if you do, but should still be enjoyable without it. This one details the origins of dragons in my world, Shattered Skies, is only about 1/4 the length of the last one, and is in a much lighter tone.
I would really appreciate feedback and comments on any part of it, but especially A) If you like the story of the myth as a whole B) If the framed narrative works for you C) If the jokes and the fact that the reader understands more than the narrator are amusing or distracting. D) If there are any parts that are unclear, do not follow the style I am trying for, or can be improved in any other way.
The same caveat applies as to the other thread- this is copyright, and you should not respond if you're not comfortable with suggestions possibly being used in a product.
edit: The boards killed the paragraph indentations for some reason, so it's probably easier to read the .doc or .txt attachments at the bottom of this post.
Altair El-Raza
473 Scarlet Wand Lane, Apartment 12C
College of Arcane Studies
Morritton
Hey there Alty old buddy! It’s your old pal Wilby Mossbottle. How’ve things been going since you retired? We sure had a lot of good times, didn’t we? Shame about what happened to the rest of the party, though. I still feel bad about not noticing that trap. How’d’you like being a professor these days? Anyway, the reason I’m sending this is cause I heard something I thought you might be interested in, seeing as you were always reading those old books in funny languages while the rest of us were having a good time in the tavern.
So anyway, last week I was in the lair of this big old copper dragon named Scerathor doing . . . well, never mind why I was there. Anyway, he came home earlier than I thought he would, and he wasn’t too happy to find me there, let me tell you. So he was just about to eat me, but I guess he decided to be nice, cause he said he’d let me go if I could beat him in a story-telling contest. So I thought, no problem, nobody tells better stories than a halfling. He decided to go first, and tell me the story of where dragons came from, which is why I thought I should tell you.
So anyway, Scerathor said that all this happened a real long time ago, back before there were any halflings at all, if you can believe that. So evidently, there was this mangled hand lying around that used to belong to one of those old-timey gods people used to worship back before they got civilized. It was all crushed and didn’t have any fingers left, so I don’t know why they didn’t just throw it away like any normal person would have, but they kept it in some sort of shrine. Anyway, some big orc shaman got wind of it, and snuck into the shrine and stole the hand. Kind of shows how pathetic those gods must have been, letting an orc steal from them, huh? I mean, I can hear an orc coming two miles away. Everybody knows if you want stealth, you need a halfling.
Well, anyway, the shaman took the hand and he put it on this spot where there used to be a portal that demons came through, and even though it was closed, there was evil energy still leaking through it. People tried to find it, but it was too close to the portal, so the magics interfered with each other or something. I guess the hand sat there for a really long time. Scerathor said that the shaman left it by the portal for Millennia, but I don’t think she ever came to pick it up. So anyway, while the hand sat there and soaked up the evil energy, it turned black, and got bigger and bigger, and grew this hard crust over it. Then wings started coming out of the spot where the hand used to be attached to the wrist. After a while, these things started to grow from the stumps where the fingers used to be, and they kept growing until they were really long and then a head grew on the end of each of them, and they were all different colors. So now the thing didn’t even look like a hand anymore, but a big, scary dragon, and she just lay there in the cave with the portal and slept, and kept absorbing the evil and growing bigger and bigger.
One day, after the dragon laid there for a long time, these two dwarf boys went exploring and got lost in the hills. They found the cave where the portal was, and decided to sleep there for the night. Then, when they went in, they saw the dragon sleeping there, and they had never seen anything like it and didn’t even know if it was alive or not, so they started poking it with sticks. Well, that was a big mistake, cause the dragon woke up and ate them both. After that, the dragon was still hungry, so she left the cave and went out to look for food. She started eating animals, and any people that went wandering in the wilderness, but she stayed away from the cities cause she wasn’t that strong yet. But she kept eating and getting bigger and stronger, and she had a lot of kids too. Scerathor said that all the evil dragons and a whole cartload of other monsters are descended from her, so I guess she must have slept with anything that moved.
Well, after a long time like that, she was feeling really strong, so she and all her kids started attacking elf and dwarf cities, and killing the people in them and taking their stuff. If you think about it, it’s kind of like what we used to do to dragons back when we were adventuring together. Well, naturally, the elves and the dwarves didn’t like that, so they started fighting her, but she was too strong for them. So the gods started fighting her too, but I guess they couldn’t hurt her cause she was made out of one of their hands, so they were useless.
So anyway, the elves and dwarves were both fighting the dragons and losing, but they didn’t work together cause they didn’t like each other, just like now. After it went on for a while, they decided that they needed to talk to each other and try to figure out a plan, even though they didn’t trust each other. So they had a big parley in a big empty field somewhere, and started talking. After a while, the dwarf prophets came out, cause they could see into the future real well, and they said that the only hope for them was in the future. Apparently the creation of a really powerful, nasty, evil dragon near the beginning of time caused the creation of a really powerful, nice, good dragon near the end of time. I think Scerathor said it was called “an inkwell and a quasit reaction”, but I’m not sure what he meant. Maybe the quasit was dipping his tail-stinger in the ink and using it to write something, but I don’t know what that has to do with anything. Well, anyway, the dwarves thought they needed to talk to this dragon, but they couldn’t get to the future, because their wizards weren’t all that good at wizarding. But the elves had really good wizards, so they said they would take care of it.
So all the best elf wizards got together, and they all helped cast this spell that shot one of them way into the future, when the world was about to be destroyed. Then the wizard in the future wandered around for a while until he found this giant platinum dragon, and he said, Hey Mr. Dragon, we need your help to save us from this other big dragon. So the dragon said OK, and they went back in time, and the dragon brought all his friends, which were a bunch of good dragons and some other things, and all the elves were real happy to see them.
So anyway, then there was a giant battle, and lots of people died, and there was a humongous fight between the dragon with five heads and the platinum one, but when the bad guy dragons saw that they were fighting the elves and the dwarves and the gods and the good guy dragons all at once, they knew they couldn’t win, so they ran away and hid. Then all the good dragons decided to stay there, instead of going back to their own time, so they could fight the evil dragons if they tried anything again, plus the world was about to end in their time, so it wouldn’t have been that smart to go back to it anyway.
So anyway, Alty, that’s the story Scerathor told me about where dragons came from. I hope you like it. Anyway, after he was done, I told him that story, you know the one, about me and Birny. And the beehive. And the mayor’s daughter. And the herd of pigs and the mudpuddle. Anyway, when he heard it, he started laughing so hard I thought he was going to explode, so I slipped out while he was still laughing and not paying attention. But it’s OK, cause my story was obviously better anyway, so I won the contest. I mean, who really wants to hear about a bunch of old battles and dragons and stuff?
Your friend,
Wilby
As a note: I am thinking of modifying dragons to fit with the story by giving evil dragons some sort of additional resistance to divine magic and good dragons some sort of advantage in seeing the future or controlling time, but I haven't decided whether to simply give it to all dragons in the world, or make a "True heir of Tiamat/Bahamut" feat or template to use. Also, does anyone know whether Wizards owns the standard D&D conceptions of Bahamut and Tiamat? I know Tiamat is originally from Babylonian myth, but I am not sure about Bahamut, and I'm unsure whether their representations as 5-headed/platinum dragons are protected.
Thanks for your feedback.
I would really appreciate feedback and comments on any part of it, but especially A) If you like the story of the myth as a whole B) If the framed narrative works for you C) If the jokes and the fact that the reader understands more than the narrator are amusing or distracting. D) If there are any parts that are unclear, do not follow the style I am trying for, or can be improved in any other way.
The same caveat applies as to the other thread- this is copyright, and you should not respond if you're not comfortable with suggestions possibly being used in a product.
edit: The boards killed the paragraph indentations for some reason, so it's probably easier to read the .doc or .txt attachments at the bottom of this post.
Altair El-Raza
473 Scarlet Wand Lane, Apartment 12C
College of Arcane Studies
Morritton
Hey there Alty old buddy! It’s your old pal Wilby Mossbottle. How’ve things been going since you retired? We sure had a lot of good times, didn’t we? Shame about what happened to the rest of the party, though. I still feel bad about not noticing that trap. How’d’you like being a professor these days? Anyway, the reason I’m sending this is cause I heard something I thought you might be interested in, seeing as you were always reading those old books in funny languages while the rest of us were having a good time in the tavern.
So anyway, last week I was in the lair of this big old copper dragon named Scerathor doing . . . well, never mind why I was there. Anyway, he came home earlier than I thought he would, and he wasn’t too happy to find me there, let me tell you. So he was just about to eat me, but I guess he decided to be nice, cause he said he’d let me go if I could beat him in a story-telling contest. So I thought, no problem, nobody tells better stories than a halfling. He decided to go first, and tell me the story of where dragons came from, which is why I thought I should tell you.
So anyway, Scerathor said that all this happened a real long time ago, back before there were any halflings at all, if you can believe that. So evidently, there was this mangled hand lying around that used to belong to one of those old-timey gods people used to worship back before they got civilized. It was all crushed and didn’t have any fingers left, so I don’t know why they didn’t just throw it away like any normal person would have, but they kept it in some sort of shrine. Anyway, some big orc shaman got wind of it, and snuck into the shrine and stole the hand. Kind of shows how pathetic those gods must have been, letting an orc steal from them, huh? I mean, I can hear an orc coming two miles away. Everybody knows if you want stealth, you need a halfling.
Well, anyway, the shaman took the hand and he put it on this spot where there used to be a portal that demons came through, and even though it was closed, there was evil energy still leaking through it. People tried to find it, but it was too close to the portal, so the magics interfered with each other or something. I guess the hand sat there for a really long time. Scerathor said that the shaman left it by the portal for Millennia, but I don’t think she ever came to pick it up. So anyway, while the hand sat there and soaked up the evil energy, it turned black, and got bigger and bigger, and grew this hard crust over it. Then wings started coming out of the spot where the hand used to be attached to the wrist. After a while, these things started to grow from the stumps where the fingers used to be, and they kept growing until they were really long and then a head grew on the end of each of them, and they were all different colors. So now the thing didn’t even look like a hand anymore, but a big, scary dragon, and she just lay there in the cave with the portal and slept, and kept absorbing the evil and growing bigger and bigger.
One day, after the dragon laid there for a long time, these two dwarf boys went exploring and got lost in the hills. They found the cave where the portal was, and decided to sleep there for the night. Then, when they went in, they saw the dragon sleeping there, and they had never seen anything like it and didn’t even know if it was alive or not, so they started poking it with sticks. Well, that was a big mistake, cause the dragon woke up and ate them both. After that, the dragon was still hungry, so she left the cave and went out to look for food. She started eating animals, and any people that went wandering in the wilderness, but she stayed away from the cities cause she wasn’t that strong yet. But she kept eating and getting bigger and stronger, and she had a lot of kids too. Scerathor said that all the evil dragons and a whole cartload of other monsters are descended from her, so I guess she must have slept with anything that moved.
Well, after a long time like that, she was feeling really strong, so she and all her kids started attacking elf and dwarf cities, and killing the people in them and taking their stuff. If you think about it, it’s kind of like what we used to do to dragons back when we were adventuring together. Well, naturally, the elves and the dwarves didn’t like that, so they started fighting her, but she was too strong for them. So the gods started fighting her too, but I guess they couldn’t hurt her cause she was made out of one of their hands, so they were useless.
So anyway, the elves and dwarves were both fighting the dragons and losing, but they didn’t work together cause they didn’t like each other, just like now. After it went on for a while, they decided that they needed to talk to each other and try to figure out a plan, even though they didn’t trust each other. So they had a big parley in a big empty field somewhere, and started talking. After a while, the dwarf prophets came out, cause they could see into the future real well, and they said that the only hope for them was in the future. Apparently the creation of a really powerful, nasty, evil dragon near the beginning of time caused the creation of a really powerful, nice, good dragon near the end of time. I think Scerathor said it was called “an inkwell and a quasit reaction”, but I’m not sure what he meant. Maybe the quasit was dipping his tail-stinger in the ink and using it to write something, but I don’t know what that has to do with anything. Well, anyway, the dwarves thought they needed to talk to this dragon, but they couldn’t get to the future, because their wizards weren’t all that good at wizarding. But the elves had really good wizards, so they said they would take care of it.
So all the best elf wizards got together, and they all helped cast this spell that shot one of them way into the future, when the world was about to be destroyed. Then the wizard in the future wandered around for a while until he found this giant platinum dragon, and he said, Hey Mr. Dragon, we need your help to save us from this other big dragon. So the dragon said OK, and they went back in time, and the dragon brought all his friends, which were a bunch of good dragons and some other things, and all the elves were real happy to see them.
So anyway, then there was a giant battle, and lots of people died, and there was a humongous fight between the dragon with five heads and the platinum one, but when the bad guy dragons saw that they were fighting the elves and the dwarves and the gods and the good guy dragons all at once, they knew they couldn’t win, so they ran away and hid. Then all the good dragons decided to stay there, instead of going back to their own time, so they could fight the evil dragons if they tried anything again, plus the world was about to end in their time, so it wouldn’t have been that smart to go back to it anyway.
So anyway, Alty, that’s the story Scerathor told me about where dragons came from. I hope you like it. Anyway, after he was done, I told him that story, you know the one, about me and Birny. And the beehive. And the mayor’s daughter. And the herd of pigs and the mudpuddle. Anyway, when he heard it, he started laughing so hard I thought he was going to explode, so I slipped out while he was still laughing and not paying attention. But it’s OK, cause my story was obviously better anyway, so I won the contest. I mean, who really wants to hear about a bunch of old battles and dragons and stuff?
Your friend,
Wilby
As a note: I am thinking of modifying dragons to fit with the story by giving evil dragons some sort of additional resistance to divine magic and good dragons some sort of advantage in seeing the future or controlling time, but I haven't decided whether to simply give it to all dragons in the world, or make a "True heir of Tiamat/Bahamut" feat or template to use. Also, does anyone know whether Wizards owns the standard D&D conceptions of Bahamut and Tiamat? I know Tiamat is originally from Babylonian myth, but I am not sure about Bahamut, and I'm unsure whether their representations as 5-headed/platinum dragons are protected.
Thanks for your feedback.
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