5E Anti-DM Tips (AKA what NOT to do!)

Morrus

Well, that was fun
Staff member
1. Insist that all your players adopt mildly offensive stereotypical accents. Refuse to accept anything they say that isn't "in character".
 

Morrus

Well, that was fun
Staff member
2. When you're unsure of something, stop the game and make your players spend a fascinating five minutes watching you read a rulebook.
 

UnknownDyson

Explorer
3. Put real world races or religious groups into your game and either subjugate or disenfranchise them. I would suggest playing a colonialism setting with mature players only, as it can get very racist very quickly and might be awkward and off putting for players (especially minorities).
 

Cernor

Visitor
4. Write down ideas on loose pieces of paper. If you need it, and it isn't in your binder, you will lose it.
 
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Oofta

Title? I don't need no stinkin' title.
5.b. Write a story that assumes players will do exactly what you expect. When they don't, get into a huff and throw your binder into the trash while exclaiming "Well that​ was a waste of time!"
 

Morrus

Well, that was fun
Staff member
6. Try to DM your players in real life, and assume that your in-game authority translates to real-life authority. Encourage bribes.
 

pdzoch

Explorer
7. Insist the party have a certain mix of classes and races, so that they will succeed. (Otherwise, they just won't have any fun if they are not prepared for your adventure).
 

Morrus

Well, that was fun
Staff member
8. Try really hard to think of reasons to say no to players. When you can't think of one, fall back on "because I said so!"
 

flametitan

Explorer
Preparing everything that's in every nook and cranny. Make sure every hex on your hex map has sub hexes, and make sure those sub hexes have something there.
 

iserith

Magic Wordsmith
11. Fill your game with tons of cagey, quirky NPCs that the PCs have to spend valuable game time awkwardly interviewing to find the adventure.

After a session of this and after they fail to find any sort of action, grin smugly and say,"That WAS the adventure. It's called ROLEPLAYING because there was no combat."
 

Lanliss

Explorer
Based on my own "vast" experience as a DM.

12. Encourage inter-party conflict, especially if you keep secrets. Help all of your players screw each other over.

13. Bring a God NPC into the game, played by you. You have to protect your story after all, it is far more important than letting your players run around with no direction. Make sure your NPC is stronger than all the other PC's in every area of the game, and gets some cool unique magic items.
 

aco175

Adventurer
Let the party break up as often as you can and promote individual side-quests like the thief sneaking off in the night to try to steal from someone not related to the quest. Make sure it takes at least an hour away from the other players.

Along the same line- let the thief steal from other party members. This is a sure-fire way to have hours of fun!
 

OB1

Jedi Master
14. Never follow the basic assumptions of the game, and then complain loudly how the game is broken.
 

Jer

Adventurer
15. Never accept any player input on where he or she wants their character's arc to go in the game. Instead try to force their character into your vision for your gameworld, even if what you want is the opposite of what the player wants.
 

jasper

Rotten DM
17. Let a player bully you into accepting something that makes you uncomfortable. Auto kill spell tactic, crazy class combo, etc.
 

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