Anticipating a Problem: How to handle with players "Set in their ways"?

[Rechan]

I am trying to put a group together. I've got 4-5 people interested, and that's all I have to work with.

However, judging by the emails of one, I have the feeling I'm going to have a problem with him.

He's not played since 2e (except for Neverwinter Nights, which he is aggressive about encouraging). Says he owns every bit of Greyhawk and Forgotten realms stuff, and is "VERY OLD SCHOOL"; he HATES EBERRON.

He has also been aggressive about where and when we should meet, to the point of almost seeming like he's trying to take charge of the situation.

Meanwhile, here I am wanting to run a good ol' PoL Homebrew, kill Dwarves, Elves and Halflings, letting Warforged, Shifters and Kenku take their stuff.

I just get the impression that the Grognard is Strong with this one, and he might fight every inch of the way, especially when I start introducing him to 4e. There's not much to indicate that, but the "Very Opinionated and Not Afraid to Make it Known" vibe is coming off him.

Am I overreacting? And if I'm not... how should I go into this? How do I make the best of this, because I would LIKE as many players as I can get? How can I pre-emptively defuse a problem, or win this guy over?

 

[Tarek]

Let him play but don't be swayed. If he starts complaining and making strong suggestions that the group should play "his way", then dump him; tell him frankly that he's being disruptive and that you're just not willing to tolerate it.

 

[Delta]

He's communicating very clearly what he wants -- it sounds like it's the opposite of what you want. Don't think that you're going to persuade him or somehow trick him into the game you want. Politely go your separate ways -- anything else will be a big waste of time and energy.


P.S. Okay, side note. As I've gone on in life I've actually had to learn how to "fire" people (musicians in a band, but same idea). Looking back on my other jobs, I see what an astonishing waste it was for my bosses to keep around people who were a drag on different projects, just because they didn't have the guts to politely tell them "goodbye". The time and energy lost to one member of a team who doesn't want to be there is absolutely monumental.

Do NOT come at this out of a sense of desperation, that you've got "4-5 people and that's it, I need everyone I can scrape up". That one extra person who doesn't want to be there is going suck down all of your time and energy. Boot him, you'll have a beautiful campaign for what you want with 3-4 people, and wish him the best in being happy with his own style of gaming, too.

Be courageous about finding people that 100% support what you want.

 

[Doug McCrae]

I am trying to put a group together. I've got 4-5 people interested, and that's all I have to work with.

However, judging by the emails of one, I have the feeling I'm going to have a problem with him.

He's not played since 2e (except for Neverwinter Nights, which he is aggressive about encouraging). Says he owns every bit of Greyhawk and Forgotten realms stuff, and is "VERY OLD SCHOOL"; he HATES EBERRON.

He has also been aggressive about where and when we should meet, to the point of almost seeming like he's trying to take charge of the situation.

He sounds like a total wanker. I wouldn't play with him. 3-4 is fine, anyway.

 

[Whimsical]

Just tell him you are running a game in Eberron. That should take care of things.

 

[Rechan]

Would it be better to, well, wait and Meet him first? This could be overreaction.

... That, and he knows where and when we're meeting.

 

[doctorhook]

He's communicating very clearly what he wants -- it sounds like it's the opposite of what you want. Don't think that you're going to persuade him or somehow trick him into the game you want. Politely go your separate ways -- anything else will be a big waste of time and energy.


P.S. Okay, side note. As I've gone on in life I've actually had to learn how to "fire" people (musicians in a band, but same idea). Looking back on my other jobs, I see what an astonishing waste it was for my bosses to keep around people who were a drag on different projects, just because they didn't have the guts to politely tell them "goodbye". The time and energy lost to one member of a team who doesn't want to be there is absolutely monumental.

Do NOT come at this out of a sense of desperation, that you've got "4-5 people and that's it, I need everyone I can scrape up". That one extra person who doesn't want to be there is going suck down all of your time and energy. Boot him, you'll have a beautiful campaign for what you want with 3-4 people, and wish him the best in being happy with his own style of gaming, too.

Be courageous about finding people that 100% support what you want.

This.

Recruiting new players is relatively easy, especially compared to dealing with a problem player. You'll spare yourself a ton of trouble, I imagine, by simply saying, "Look, bud, I don't think you'd be a good fit for the group." Definitely don't tolerate any horsecrap if he tries to bully his way into your group, or even manipulate other players out of it; you know there's nothing wrong with the flavour of game you're looking to play.

Instead, look to see if any of your other player have friends or siblings with a nerdy streak. You might be surprised at some of the people willing to try D&D, if you "sell" it to them right. Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress is a great book, not just for female gamers but also DMs looking to recruit; it points out a lot of the appealing aspects of D&D, including factors often ignored or forgotten by male gamers. If you're trying to recruit a guy, I recommend you play-up how fun it is to hang around with friends and enjoy a casual game together, while with girls you can either do that or just loan them the aforementioned book. (All the non-gamer girls I've "seeded" with it have returned it to me enthusiastic about playing.)

Anyway, good luck, and like Delta said, don't waste your time on someone you're not going to get along with.

 

[Nifft]

Just tell him you are running a game in Eberron. That should take care of things.

This is a fine solution, if a bit passive regarding its assertiveness. (But at least it has some assertiveness.)

Cheers, -- N

 

[Foundry of Decay]

My only suggestion would be to give him an overview of what your game will be featuring. Let him know you are willing to listen to his concerns if he has any, but note to him any points you have set in stone (Such as the ruleset you are using, and races for example).

You can let him know that the times and places he's suggested are noted, and you'll have to confer with the other players as well (It should be generally mutual).

If he does end up gaming with you all, it might take him time to start getting the vibe of things. If he becomes disruptive about something that would bog the game down, let him know that you'll talk with him after about it. If he actively starts sabotaging the game or generally puts down every effort your or others have while playing, give him a warning. If he continues to do so, ask him to leave.

That's about all I can suggest.

 

[pawsplay]

Let him make an informed decision. Gamers can be very opionated, but for the most part, people are oriented toward having fun and getting along with others and people can be flexible. I played a few games of AD&D in college, not particularly with enthusiasm, but I had a good time (and cannibalized the groups for my Torg games).