Anticipating a Problem: How to handle with players "Set in their ways"?

[The Highway Man]

Talk about it with him directly, face to face. You can judge someone's reactions much better in person than emails.

Now, if the guy is a grognard happy with 2nd ed and such, and opinionated about it, knowing your posts on the forum, Rechan, this guy won't be happy. I know I wouldn't. You will have to let him go, almost guaranteed.

 

[Mathew_Freeman]

I'd say meet up with him, and see if your online impressions are correct.

If they are, just say "I don't think this sounds like the sort of game that you'd enjoy. I'd prefer not to game with you."

It is perfectly OK to say this. Your Fun Is Not His Fun, and so forth - if he gets offended then you've probably been proved right.

 

[BlackMoria]

I run a 'open table' (anyone can join in) and have done so for over 20+ years.

Every new person gets the same spiel. I let everyone know what the campaign choices are (I usually offer 3-4 choices), what the rule sets and house rules are, and explain the code of conduct at the table.

Everyone has a equal say in deciding the campaign and the rule set. Majority rules. When that is decided, it is opt in or opt out. If you opt in, then the code of conduct applies (my code of conduct in general terms explains what is acceptable or not acceptable at the table, how disputes are resolved, and where the line in the sand is ( the point in which the player risks being expelled from the game).

In 20+ years of playing an open table, I only had to eject a player once, despite having scores of players over the years.

I attribute that to everyone knowing up front how my table operates, allowing them some input and know how I conduct my table before they decide to join in.

In short, tell him straight out - this is the campaign, this is the ruleset we are using and this is the code of conduct that is expected of players. He accepts it or walks away. If he accepts, he follows the rules of conduct or he will be ejected.

 

[Quickbeam]

Would it be better to, well, wait and Meet him first? This could be overreaction.

... That, and he knows where and when we're meeting.

Forthright honesty is definitely the best policy in this situation. Let this potential player know exactly what you have in mind for the campaign, and do so in a way which acknowledges that you're doing this out of consideration for his expressed gaming preferences. He is not in a position to alter the style and scope of your campaign unless you let him, but I'm not sure that's his intent.

Let me offer you a different perspective on his rather strong remarks and tone. Perhaps this is an individual whose recent gaming experiences have been very disappointing because he consistently finds himself in groups where the style of play doesn't suit his preferences. Instead of joining your group only to be frustrated once again, he is trying to pro-actively explain his ideal scenario. With open feedback from you, he can then determine his appetite for participation...which benefits everyone.

Just my two coppers.

Of course it's possible he's just a wanker, but don't leap to that conclusion just yet.

 

[Roger_the_jolly]

He's communicating very clearly what he wants -- it sounds like it's the opposite of what you want. Don't think that you're going to persuade him or somehow trick him into the game you want. Politely go your separate ways -- anything else will be a big waste of time and energy.

This

 

[Foxen]

This will require me teaching them the system because everyone is new.

If anything, I want to re-emphasize your point about teaching them the system....switch my "young bloods" gamer group from 3.5e to 4e has been a HUGE jump. Very different games and the players (especially if they don't have the books or are new to RPGs and have the PHB) will need a lot of explainations over and over again about some of the most basic concepts.... like...Healing Surges, or the fact that each round they can and should attack with an At-Will Green Power instead of using their "basic attack", or that they have second wind, or action points, or they should add up all their attack bonuses for each power first...before the game starts instead of re-adding everything up each turn, or at least learning what their powers are instead of opening the PHB every time it gets to their turn to choose their next course of action...blah blah blah.

Sorry, venting DM here...

Fox

 

[Ginnel]

"Hey, this is the game I've been wanting to do and the others want to do it too. You in?"
"No."
"Oh, ok. Maybe next time then."

You don't need to "handle" them.

This works

Explain everything about the potential campaign (system races style) via email ask if he wants to come along to the precampaign meeting thingie and also state, that while you accept his suggestion of where to play you are the DM and you will be playing where you feel comfortable (We have always DM'd at the DM's house) whether thats the place most of your players can get to our the most convienient for yourself is your decision.

If he comes along, great, if he comes along and disrupts play not so great, first time warn him, second time kick him.

 

[RabidBob]

Also as a college teacher, I see that 5-10% of people are agents of chaos who try to drag as much time and energy out of you as possible for no good reason whatsoever.

Actually agents of chaos tend to be quite creative. Read on.

Have one test session first, where you provide pregen characters for a mini adventure ...

Do this except give all of the other people's characters a reason to hate/want to kill the other player's character. Put them in a dungeon where all but one of the characters can escape a horrible death.

Play without him.

Or do this; boring but probably more politically correct.

Every new person gets the same spiel. I let everyone know what the campaign choices are (I usually offer 3-4 choices), what the rule sets and house rules are, and explain the code of conduct at the table.

That's actually a really sensible approach!

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

Or do this; boring but probably more politically correct.

Well, like I said, this is an old friend who has made his feelings perfectly clear, and they aren't always in synch with everyone else in the group.

Besides, its not like we don't interact socially on other occasions.

So in our case, there are no hard feelings or sense of exclusion or punishment.

 

[Rechan]

As a general update, I sent this email last night:

[sblock]Hey,

I want to warn you about something. I am not certain you will enjoy the game I would like to run.

The reason I say this is because you seem like a guy who Really Liked 1e/2e. You said you are Old School and Hate Eberron. Well, 4th edition kills some sacred cows. Furthermore, I want to get away from Tolkenish fantasy - I am tired of Elves, Dwarves and Halflings. I want to replace them with Shifters, Warforged and Kenku (wingless raven people, sneaky little bastards). Assuming that I don't receive a riot from the other players about no elves/dwarves/halflings.

I know you're all ready saying "WARFORGED? EBERRON RACES?" I'm not using the Eberron setting, but a few aspects (one or two of the religions, a few of the races) I actually like.

The way I want to handle Warforged is this: Dwarves used to exist. They were cursed, unable to continue reproducing. What they did instead was create an artificial body that could house their soul, allowing them to continue to "live". Not only could they "live", but continue to repopulate themselves. However, while the artificial bodies continue to persist, the memories don't; after so long, a warforged starts forgetting the things it's seen early in life, sort've like any old person. So while the Warforged have dwarven culture, specialty (smithing, gemworking, etc), they are definitely something else entirely.

I wanted you to know up front, in case you didn't want to play, and didn't waste both of our time discovering this. You give the impression you know what you like (and what you don't). So there it is.[/sblock]