Anyone have a good line for a pirate?

[Ed Cha]

I can't seem to come up with a good line for this pirate NPC. I know EN World had a pirate day recently and there was a lot of "yar" and "arg" going on, but what's a good line for this pirate to say?

Here's the description and stats for the pirate in question:

...

Glamorgin the Terrible is the leader of the pirates. His piercing eyes and fearsome appearance are enough to get even the bravest man’s knees knocking. Unbeknownst to many, however, he has quite the sense of humor and secretly gives some of his ill-begotten wealth to the less fortunate. That could be a reason why he has been sympathetic with the marsh dwellers, whom he pities.

Otherwise, Glamorgin the Terrible is cunning and ruthless. He shows no mercy to guards or nobles, unless they can fetch a good ransom.

Glamorgin the Terrible – Male human Ftr8/Rog5: CR 13; Medium Humanoid; HD 8d10+5d6+30 (96 hp); Init +7 (+3 Dex, +4 feat); Spd 30 ft.; AC 19 (+3 Dex, +3 masterwork studded leather armor, +1 masterwork buckler, +2 Glamorgin’s Ring of the High Seas; touch 13, flat-footed 16; armor check penalty 0); BAB +11/+6/+1; Grapple +15/+10/+5; Atk +18/+13/+8 melee (1d6+6, crit. 16-20/x2, masterwork scimitar) or +16/+11/+6 melee (1d4+4, crit. 19-20/x2, masterwork dagger) or +18/+13/+8 ranged (1d10, crit. 19-20/x2, 120 ft., heavy crossbow); Face/Reach 5 ft./5 ft.; SA +3d6 sneak attack; SQ trapfinding, evasion, trap sense +1, uncanny dodge; AL CE; SV Fort +10, Ref +9, Will +5; Str 19, Dex 16, Con 17, Int 14, Wis 10, Cha 13. Age 44; Height 5 ft. 10 in.; Weight 185 lb.; black hair & brown eyes; Reputation -100 (Vile).
Languages: Common, Orc, Sahuagin.
Skills (55+55): Appraise +7 (5), Balance +8 (3), Bluff +11 (8), Climb +9 (5), Diplomacy +5 (0), Disable Device +6 (3), Disguise +8 (5), Escape Artist +8 (5), Forgery +10 (6), Gather Information +1 (0), Hide +3 (0), Intimidate +17 (10), Jump +13 (5), Move Silently +3 (0), Open Lock +8 (5), Perform +5 (4), Search +5 (5), Sense Motive +7 (7), Sleight of Hand +8 (3), Swim +12 (6), Tumble +10 (5), Use Rope +8 (5).
Feats (6+5): Athletic, Combat Reflexes, Deceitful, Dodge, Greater Weapon Focus (scimitar), Improved Critical (scimitar), Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Persuasive, Weapon Focus (scimitar), Weapon Specialization (scimitar).
Possessions: masterwork scimitar, masterwork dagger, heavy crossbow, 5 bolts, masterwork studded leather armor, masterwork buckler, Glamorgin’s Ring of the High Seas, potion of greater invisibility (CL 8), potion of globe of invulnerability (CL 12), 15 pp, 27 gp, 16 sp, 5 cp.

...

 

[7thlvlDM]

Arrrr....

 

[Tratyn Runewind]

Hello,

Nothing like the classics for a little inspiration:

"Avast, there!" cried Silver. "Who are you, Tom Morgan? Maybe you thought you was cap'n here, perhaps. By the powers, but I'll teach you better! Cross me, and you'll go where many a good man's gone before you, first and last, these thirty year back -- some to the yardarm, shiver my timbers! and some by the board, and all to feed the fishes. There's never a man looked me between the eyes and seen a good day a'terwards, Tom Morgan, you may lay to that."

Morgan paused; but a hoarse murmur rose from the others.

"Tom's right," said one.

"I stood hazing long enough from one," added another. "I'll be hanged if I'll be hazed by you, John Silver."

"Did any of you gentlemen want to have it out with me?" roared Silver, bending far forward from his position on the keg, with his pipe still glowing in his right hand. "Put a name on what you're at; you ain't dumb, I reckon. Him that wants shall get it. Have I lived this many years, and a son of a rum puncheon çock his hat athwart my hawse at the latter end of it? You know the way; you're all gentlemen o' fortune, by your account. Well, I'm ready. Take a cutlass, him that dares, and I'll see the color of his insides, crutch and all, before that pipe's empty."

From Treasure Island, chapter XXVIII. Lots of piratey goodness there to pick from. Hope this helps!

 

[Cerubus Dark]

Somehow "Give up yer booty and nobody gets hurt!" comes to mind.

Sorry, more seriously "I am Glamorgin the Terrible, and you die this day!"

Or something to that effect.

 

[JediSoth]

"I'm Guybrush Threepwood, a mighty pirate!"

"You big, ole, bed-wetting, doody-head!"

From the classic The Curse of Monkey Island.

JediSoth

 

[Thresher]

"Arrrgh! Throw them to teh sharks, everyone knows on my ship, sea men and women dont mix"



Thresher
"Stay off that boat!"

 

[Piratecat]

From this week's Onion, an article entitled Parrot Care Is Actually Quite Time-Consuming (by Capt. Crimson Bannister, Pirate):

Ahoy thar, mateys! I see ye be gazin' upon me parrot Isabelle. Quite a keen fair lass, she be! Aye, but mark well me words: Thar be quite a lot o' work in carin' for a likely creature as she. Why, some scurvy swabs think a bowl o' seed an' a friendly shoulder be enough to please a bird from Gibraltar to Macao, but that be a d—n sight from truthful, I assure ye. What ho—I espy a calm driftin' in from the nor'-nor'-east—strike the mizzensail, me tars, an' lay-to as I tell ye what ye need to keep yer parrot a healthy an' happy crewmate.

Firstly, stock yer ship's hold with a handsome cargo o' pellets. Be ye one o' those who think seed the best diet for a bird? Heave to, ye poxy dog! Seed be high in fat an' low in nutrition. An' don't give her salt or cow's milk or foods high in sugar. Wean a bird on this witches' brew an' ye be consignin' it to Davy Jones' locker before the poor bastard's time.

Yer bird needs fresh water, as well. The briny blue won't do—find ye a gran' solid bowl, barnacle-free, an' treated with pitch, mayhaps, so it won't leak—an' replace it twice daily with clean drink. To fill the bowl with bilge is a crime o' the darkest dye, an' I'll give no quarter to avian abuse upon me brig: Any blackguards caught in the act shall have the ears lanced from their very heads an' parboiled before their eyes!

Ye also must supply yer parrot with a great deal o' provisions. If ye be in doubt as to where to procure this kit, thar be many pet-supply stores throughout the torrid zone an' parts north. In Port-Royal, thar be a bloody fine pet-supply store. Likewise, in Nantucket, an' I hear tell thar be a right bounty o' stores with many convenient locations on Long Islan'.

When yer bird cannot perch upon yer shoulder, ye will need a fine sturdy cage. Mind that the bars be not so far apart that she can slip through or can lodge her feathar'd head 'twixt 'em. An' don't ye be usin' a san'paper perch, lest ye wish yerself clapped in irons an' sharin' yer grog with the hold-rats! Yer parrot needs a natural branch perch so as to not have irritated feet, me salts.

Provide a goodly calcium an' mineral supplement an' treat her to a cuttlebone, as it helps to keep her beak from growin' too long. Or, ye can let her play with Cookie's wooden spoon, or such-like simple fare, an' through this amusement the beak shall be trimmed.

If yer bird be pluckin' out her plumage, why, shiver me timbers, that could mean she be beset with a pox! Examine her for parasites, fungus, or signs o' skin irritation or infection. An' bathe yer bird once a fortnight. 'Tis important for healthy skin an' feathers. The creature may protest, but ye need to be firm. If the parrot ceases not in her pluckin', drop anchor an' visit yer veterinarian.

Ye likewise need to be keepin' yer parrot's nails trimmed. But let this serve as a warnin': Ye must be careful not to cut 'em too short, especially if yer parrot be but a fledglin'. Birds be usin' their claws for climbin', now, an' cuttin' 'em too short can lead to falls. An' no bird shall go overboard on me watch.

Wing-clippin' be the most important aspect to parrot-groomin'. Ye don't want to have the rascal flyin' around the ship starboard to port, prow to stern, an' back. But don't be tryin' this for yer own self. Espy that passel o' skulls danglin' on tenterhooks from the bowsprit? 'Tis the remnants o' lowly crimps what tried to do their own wing-clippin'. So grievous were the results, I had those d—nable rogues keel-hauled, lashed to the gunwhales, an' blown to bloody bits by cannon-shot, then their heads cut loose from what remained an' strung up thusly. Aye, swabs, 'tis best to have the wings clipped by an experienced professional upon dockin' in port.

Parrots be sociable creatures, an' chances are, as yer bird sails the seven seas imbibin' o' the bracin' salt air, she will miss her old flock back in Africy. It rends this old buccaneer's heart to think upon such matters, but 'tis proof ye need to hold fast to yer bird an' provide her love an' companionship. A spry, talkative sort is a parrot, an' a keen scholar, as well. Knew ye, mateys, 'tis in the throat, not the mouth, that the parrot be makin' the words she speak? Aye, a fun fact, indeed! Ye can teach her to say words like "jolly-boat" an' "square-riggin'" an' "ahrrrrr!" Or instruct her in the riding o' a small bicycle.

Mind, also, that the parrot be a spirited squab, an' ye must forbear her caprice. If she nip yer hand, or yer hook as the case may be, resist the impulse to flense her to meat with yer cutlass, or even to growl "Avast!" Nay, punishment only sets her mind against ye, so do yer level best to ignore the rascal an' scold her not.

Long ago, me swabbies, I consecrated me life to the devil so that I might swash an' buckle fearlessly as a high-seas desperado. To this day, the British Navy deman's me head with a bounty o' one pound per hair. The life o' a pirate be nasty, brutish, an' short, so it be for that reason that ye should provide some means for the parrot's well-bein' after ye have departed this dismal realm. For ye see, parrots can live upwards o' fourscore years, an' can survive many a privateer. Arrange for yer parrot to be entrusted to an obligin' caretaker, or contact yer home port's humane society for assistance.

See ye, then, the importance o' proper parrot care? A parrot requires a d—ned goodly lot o' preparation, foresight, an' what the lan'lubbers call "TLC." Aye, 'tis time-consumin', indeed, but worth its weight in booty. An', should ye ever have a question about the parrot-raisin', fail not to flag me down to ask. It be what Capt. Bannister be here for, ye poxy salt.

Now, dampen those pipes an' rouse yerselves from the poop deck, ye scurvy layabouts, an' weigh anchor! Me yarn be spun, an' thar's work to be done! For tomorrow we dock at Port-Au-Prince, a city whose bounteous treasure be ripe for the plunder. Why, I hear tell the governor's daughter has the richest dowry in all the Indies! Also, Isabelle be due for her five-year check-up.

 

[Zhure]

"Arrr, so there I was, riddled with scurvy, trapped in the middle o' the ocean scraping barnacles off me dinghy."

Not quite filled with panache, eh, wot?

 

[ejja_1]

Blast ye to hell ya scurvy dogs, row for the shoreline as if the very hounds of hell were at yer heels. Row damn you! Or Ill keelhawl the lot of ya!

 

[Mean Eyed Cat]

Here's a good resource:

http://www.talklikeapirate.com/howto.html