Are you a better person?

[Quasqueton]

Guys: Are you a better man than your father?

Gals: Are you a better woman than your mother?

What does "better" in this context mean to you? How do you feel about being better or not better than your parent?

Quasqueton

 

[eris404]

Wow. This question brings up all sorts of mixed emotions for me. My mother died when I was seventeen, and I had a lot of hostility towards her then. She was overprotective and like a lot of teenagers, I didn't respect my mom at the time. She had been a mother and a homemaker, but I didn't take her seriously because she hadn't finished high school or had a career outside the home. Part of this came from how she felt about herself, that she didn't really like or respect herself, and she continually pushed me to do things she didn't get to do as a teenager. "Don't be like me," she always told me.

So, I've done things that she didn't get to do, like go to college and travel. And I'm learning how to respect myself and cut myself some slack when it's needed. When I was twenty, I would have been full of myself and said that yes, that makes me a better person. But I realize now that we're just different people who made different choices. She had a good life and she was a good person, whether she realized it or not when she was alive, and I don't think it's so terrible to be like her.

 

[Queen_Dopplepopolis]

Yes - I am a better woman than my mother. But it wouldn't take much.

I would define "better" as having the potential to positively contribute to the lives of our family and loved ones, as well as those we have never met or hardly know.

My mother is a gambling addict, drug addict, alcoholic, insane (really) woman that - despite the fact that she is my mother - I have a hard time loving. I know that she is very, very sick and, as such, lacks the ability to be a good mother (or a mother at all, for that matter). But it is very hard to love a woman that has so many, many times betrayed, hurt, and embarrassed you.

These days, I don't talk to her much. She has become so consumed by her paranoid delusions that she essentially makes no sense and has locked everyone that cares about her out. She is manipulative and maniacal to an extreme that is hard to fathom at times.

She posses the ability to be a better person. I know that the potential to be a truly good person exists within her - there have been times in my life when I thought I glimpsed it. But until she stops the drinking, the drugs, and other vices and gets help for her mental condition - she will remain the same cruel, horrible person that she has been for as long as I can remember.

I pray every day that she will get better.

I am proud to have turned out "better" than my mother. I have seen so many people in my situation go the other way... but - I have been told many, many times that - when you come from a household like mine, you can do one of two things: rise above it or fall into it.

 

[Thornir Alekeg]

Nope, I don't think I am a better person than my father.

He taught me a lot growing and is a wonderful grandfather to my kids. Maybe he's a little less open-minded than I think he ought to be, but I don't think that makes me better than him. I still turn to him when I need advice. I don't always follow it, but it gives me something to help analyze my own thoughts and circumstances, and I truly appreciate that he respects the decisions I make for myself and my family.

He is a lawyer and he used to tell me that he would not pay one cent towards my education if I tried to become one myself. He was kidding, but his father was a doctor and he hated the fact that everyone assumed he would be a doctor as well when he was growing up. He never wanted me to be just like him, he taught me to be myself.

 

[Rel]

My mother and father are both good people and no, I don't think I'm better than them. I think I do some things better than they do but they do a lot of things better than me.

But I'm hands down better at video games than either of them and if they want to take me on then they better get ready to get pwned!

 

[der_kluge]

That's tough to say. My dad was a good provider, and wasn't overly stern. He made some mistakes in life, but he is a good man. He worked hard all his life, and is retired now.

I don't think I'm "better" than him in any way that I would consider myself "better" than anyone else on ENworld.

I did manage to get a college education, and I make more than my Dad did. That is, I was making more than he did when I was 30 years old, and he was at retirement age.

 

[reveal]

I will never be better than my father.

He grew up in a poor family of 4 kids (he was the oldest) with a father in the Army who was never home and a mother who was schizo. They got divorced when the last child was out of the house. He enrolled in the Army when he was 18, got his degree, and joined the Air Force as an officer at 21. He busted his ass to become one of only a handful of OSI Colonels in the entire Air Force and was the CO of 1/3 of all the OSI detachments in the US.

He taught me self reliance, critical reasoning, discipline, and the value of an education. He taught me that communication was key because "you can be the smartest person in the world but if you can't communicate your ideas, no one will ever know."

He is my idol and my hero (especially after hearing some of his "war stories"). He is a great grandfather and an all around wonderful human being. He and my mom will be celebrating their 33rd wedding anniversary next year.

I can only hope that I am half the father he is.

 

[Tinner]

I am without a doubt not as good a person as my father.
However, I like to think that I am as good a person now as he was at my age.
He has had an additional 30-some year experience since then that have improved him - like a fine wine, or smelly cheese.
I hope that when I am his age, I can still say that I am as good a person at that age as he was.
And of course the only reason I can even consider myself a person at all, much less a decent good person is soley due to the influence of my parents.

I think I would need to have a kid to be as good a person as my dad. Without one, I just don't have the same opportunities to be selfless, devoted, and caring ...

 

[DaveMage]

Better than my father? No.

Different? Yes.

I don't even know how I could define "better" without a more specific context.

 

[ThirdWizard]

Better? More successful? No. Happier? Maybe, but that's only because they've given me so much. I have never given anyone that much, so better? No. I can't imagine it. Maybe someday I'll be able to say I lived up to them, but not right now. So, nope, I'm not better than them at all.