Armor Spikes: Unpractical?

[Dannyalcatraz]

Screw this noise, this food isn't worth it, I'm going to find an easier meal.

More like..."Screw this noise, this isn't food, this isn't worth it, I'm going to find an easier meal."

 

[Victim]

If experts were designing armor over successive generations for a DnD world, I'd expect that something could be created to provide a passable defense against grappling/swallowing monsters without significant downsides against conventional weapons and in safety. Too bad our artists don't have that knowledge, and thus draw armor either with ridculous spikes or only made to defend against human weapons when it needs to be able to defeat so much more.

The sense of where the spikes are could likely be developed with training in the armor.

Armor designs might be somewhat specialized. Conventional troops might likely prefer normal armor since they'd mostly fight other humanoids. Adventurers and other people who battle weird monsters might be more interested in unconventional gear.

 

[Dannyalcatraz]

If experts were designing armor over successive generations for a DnD world, I'd expect that something could be created to provide a passable defense against grappling/swallowing monsters without significant downsides against conventional weapons and in safety. Too bad our artists don't have that knowledge, and thus draw armor either with ridculous spikes or only made to defend against human weapons when it needs to be able to defeat so much more.

All armor is a tradeoff.

And armorers of the D&D world would look to the same inspirations as RW armorers did- nature.

The most common tactics to avoid being eaten/grappled in nature are:

1) Spikes or razor sharp edges on the body.

2) Bad taste/poison, usually coupled with warning coloration.

3) Stingers, esp. nematocysts.

4) Camoflage

5) Speed & dexterity

Of those, only #1 is even remotely practical for armor.

Now, while its true that some artists go nuts with their depiction of armor spikes, not all do. Its just they haven't been chosen to illustrate WotC's PHBs and other supplements.

Armor designed to fight against such critters capable of creating such a problem would only need spikes in a few areas- back of the (non-shield-bearing) forearm(s), greaves, back...and they only need be a few inches long. (In fact, fewer is probably better- otherwise you distribute the compression forces like a bed of nails, and the defense becomes utterly useless.)

But, as stated above, such armor would still be a compromise- even with limited spikes, it would be difficult to carry certain items on the body, climb, or even ride a horse.

 

[NilesB]

I don't know Dannyalcatraz, in the real world metal armors were often painted or laquered to protect against rust. Armorers could probably formulate a coating that would make most monsters decide you were inedible.

 

[Tinker Gnome]

I do not worry about whether they are realistic or not and just let my players use them as is.

 

[Shadeydm]

Which sort of sums up my problem with Hennet Lovestobuckle. There's cool and practical and there's cool and impractical. I figure Hennet mostly hangs around at the local S&M tavern, looking cool, and not actually doing any adventuring. Those pretty tattoos around his nipples would get all scarred up and I don't want to think about what would happen to all of those buckles -- he certainly seems like he's one heat metal spell away from certain death.

I <3 this post.

 

[mmu1]

Actually, against an animal with appropriate animal-level intelligence, they do precicely enough damage to prevent the predator from killing the wearer.

Unless the predator is otherwise motivated: protecting territory, young, starving, etc - it sends a very clear message: Ow. My food is hurting me. Food doesn't do that. Food is supposed to run away from me, then die, then taste good. This food is poking me and making me hurt and bleed. This food is presenting a threat. It does not fall into the Way Things Should Be, therefore I am confused and scared. Screw this noise, this food isn't worth it, I'm going to find an easier meal.

Do they? Are D&D animals scared away by a good sword blow or two? I suppose they should be, because that's "food" doing a lot more damage than armor spikes are likely to do. Of course, if they were run "appropriately", they should hardly ever attack humans to begin with, but that's not why they're in the Monster Manual.

But that's sort of mixing reality and D&D, anyway. My point was that, by D&D logic, any animal or monster that actually puts up a fight against an armed human shouldn't care about the tiny amount of damage from armor spikes - especially given the abstract nature of hitpoints.

 

[mmu1]

I don't know Dannyalcatraz, in the real world metal armors were often painted or laquered to protect against rust. Armorers could probably formulate a coating that would make most monsters decide you were inedible.

Well, sure - but D&D monsters don't hunt in a logical manner. If they did, you wouldn't need the coating, because they'd learn that humans - with their pointy weapons and/or magic - are really dangerous prey, and leave them alone. (just as you are counting on them figuring out that humans taste bad and are better left alone)

And if they don't act logically and attack you anyway before getting a "taste" of spikes or whatever other junk you're covered in, you have another problem - is the extra protection of it really worth it, when the initial attack might kill you anyway? (you just won't get eaten afterwards)

 

[prosfilaes]

Imagine being driven back by a blow into a wooden wall when you're wearing spiked armor on your torso and limbs. Now, what might have otherwise been a jarring blow from staggering into the wall is suddenly life-threatening because you've impaled your armor spikes into the wall. While you're trying to free yourself, your opponent is raining blows down on your head and body pretty much unopposed.

It depends a lot on the spikes. To effectively impale the armor on the wall, you'd have to have fairly narrow, long spikes. This also seems like a rare situation; it's like arguing that you shouldn't wear plate mail because if you were fighting with a deep pool to your back, and were driven back into the pool, the opponent would be raining blows down on you while you were trying not to drown.

#3 Your sense of proprioception (where your body is in space around you) would be completely thrown off with armor spikes. [...] For a human, who wasn't born with spikes and has no way to tell where they are in relation to a limb, they would be a hassle at the least, and a deadly hazard at worst.

Humans weren't born with armor, either. A lot of people in the modern world wear large unnatural objects, like ten-gallon hats, spiked heels and overstuffed backpacks, and they generally manage to get a pretty good feel for where the objects are. If it was really such a huge deal, hikers carrying large packs would be in big trouble.

In addition, if a spike is struck by a blow, not only could the torque it generates dislocate or break a limb,

And if the spike wasn't there, the weapon could dislocate or break a limb.

 

[Varianor Abroad]

Purple Worm Detergent/Repellant. Your armor is soaking in it.