[Attn: Writers who wanna write for Eberron] Plot workshopping?

I'll still hold off going into too many details (I'd like to wait until I'm officially rejected), but here's some more background into my submission.

As I stated before, the premise I started with was the line "You can't go home again." That actually turned into one of the working titles of my story (the other being "Relics," if that helps any plot guessers).

The story is about accepting yourself for who you are. The main character, a soldier during the Last War, comes to accept his life and the choices he made over the course of an adventure through Breland, Dhaargun, and the Mournland (with a brief stop in Zilargo). Throughout, the protagonist is contrasted with a character in his group that continues to run from who he is.

Elements of character study, cinematic adventure, and even a little intrigue make it into the plot. It also has a twist ending that turns the entire novel on its ear (in a deliciously Eberron kind of way).

Dragonmarks, lightning rails, kalashatar, warforged, and warring goblins show up in the story, each to varying degrees. So does a psion, which (AFAIK) would be a rare thing outside a Dark Sun novel.

The synopsis was murder to write, but the rest was an absolute blast. I loved getting to mix things up in the sample pages. Even if I don't get selected, I'm really glad WotC gave me the chance to let my imagination play in Keith Baker's world for a little while.
 

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Well, since the proposal is closed, I don't see much preventing folks from sharing. And if this doesn't sell with WotC, it ain't selling anywhere else, so I don't see copyright or story-theft as a realistic concern. Therefore, in the spirit of putting my money where my mouth is -- here it be, typos and all... :)

Traveler's Gift: First Ten Pages

The argument started at about mid-day in the market square in Alvirad in front of plenty of potential witnesses.

"By the Silver Flame!" Skil declared, turning to the hulking warforged behind her. "Must you make such a dreadful racket?" They'd just gotten off an arriving coach from Merylsward. Skil was, at the moment, a lightly built young woman with short blond hair, dressed in simple brown traveling clothes but speaking with a voice several ranks higher up on the social ladder.

"My apologies, Mistress," the warforged said in a flat voice that betrayed his apathy. He was carrying traveling packs and had a blade belted at his hip. "The luggage is quite heavy."

"I don't care how heavy it is!" Skil waved the apology away. "You were created to serve, you lumbering brute! Can you not carry a few simple packs without rattling like a dropped kettle?" The citizens of Alvirad were watching the scene with interest and, in some cases, amusement -- and one young man in a floppy brown hat was eyeing Skil speculatively.

"I was created for personal protection, not menial labor," the warforged corrected without evident emotion. "My duties would be simplified considerably if the young mistress would carry more than just her purse." The young man in the floppy hat became a bit more interested.

"How dare you attempt to shirk your duties like some common vagrant?" Skil demanded, apparently aghast at this behavior. "Why, were we back in Karrnath, your master my father would never tolerate such audacity!"

"However," said the warforged, "we are not currently in Karrnath." He turned and surveyed the crowd. "I believe that here in the Eldeen Reaches, my people have significantly more freedom. I wonder if any would stop me if I simply abandoned you here."

"You wouldn't!" Skil stepped back, one hand clutched to her breast. "You could not leave me here! You'd... you'd never see your home again! My father would... you'd have nothing!"

"I'll live." Despite his expressionless face, few in the crowd could doubt that the warforged was smiling as he turned and began to walk away. Some laughed, and a few shouted encouragement to the warforged or insults to Skil. One enthusiastic gnome whistled his approval and offered to buy the warforged a drink -- and then drink it for him, of course.

The young man in the floppy brown hat, however, made his way forward, jostling the warforged in his haste to get to her. "Ma'am," he said, his voice a rough country lad's drawl but friendly nevertheless, "I'm so sorry about your warforged. Are you alright?"

"I don't understand." Skil's voice wavered as her warforged disappeared into the crowd. "How could he? How could he leave me here alone... unprotected?" Her eyes began to tear up, and she added, "I... I don't think I can ever get word to my father to get home. My servant handled all the travel arrangements!"

"There, now, miss," the young man said easily, gently taking Skil's arm. "Let me take you to the mayor. He can get one of the druids here to get a message to your father. You'll be home before you know it."

Letting the young man lead her from the market square, Skil sniffled and wiped her nose carefully with a small silk handkerchief. She leaned on him ever so slightly as she said, "I'm ever so grateful. I'm certain that my father will be most generous in his appreciation, and..." She blinked as they left the square, not by one of the large streets, but through a narrow alley whose walls were permanently locked in shadow. "Is this a local shortcut?" she asked in confusion.

"Something like that, miss," the young man said, smiling in the now-dim light. They came around a corner to find four unsavory men lounging against the wall in the narrow intersection where several alleys connected. They came to attention as they saw Skil and the young man, and even in the near darkness, Skil could see that each wore a rusty chain-shirt and a long dagger at the hip. They were grinning.

"What's going on?" Skil asked, pulling her arm from the young man's grasp and taking a nervous step away from him. "Who are these men?" Her voice rose sharply in pitch on the last words, querulous and timid.

"These men," the young man said with that same easy smile, "are my business associates. And as long as you've got enough in your purse to make us happy, our business is brief and nonviolent." He tugged on his floppy brown hat in a mock bow, and two of the armored thugs moved to flank her.

"This... this was all a trick!" Skil exclaimed. "Talking to me kindly, luring me here into this dark alley... you planned to rob me the whole time!" She looked at each of the thugs as though expecting confirmation.

"Well, yes." The young man gestured impatiently. "I'd more or less thought that was understood at this point. Now, if you'll hand over your purse peacefully--"

"Where's the hook?" Skil broke in.

The young man sputtered, momentarily at a loss. It was not just Skil's strange choice of words that threw him, but also the fact that her voice seemed suddenly calm and collected despite all her earlier hysterics. "I... what?"

"The hook," Skil said crisply, making an airy gesture with her left hand. "You were the bait, luring me into the alley, but if you're going fishing, you need both bait and a hook." Her fingers pantomimed a fishing-hook shape in the air, and the thugs followed her movements curiously. "For example, in my con, I'm the bait, and the hook..." She stepped in and drove the heel of her right palm up into the jaw of one of the thugs, who'd been so busy watching her intricate gestures that he'd failed to notice her other hand winding up for the strike. "...would be a solid right hook." Skil grabbed the thug's dagger as he crumpled to the ground, and then she dove around a corner and started running.

"Damn! Split up and find her!" the young man muttered behind her, and then raised his voice. "You'll never get out of here! You might as well come out now and make it easy on yourself!"

Skil chose randomly at an intersection, headed deeper into the maze of alleys, and then slowed her pace. The shadowy alleys would leave the thugs half-blind -- they'd all been human. Skil, on the other hand, could see just fine. She ducked into a narrow crevice between two small shops, settled into a comfortable position, and then forced herself to relax. That was what Garix had always said. A tense man sends out thoughts that raise the hair on the back of his enemy's neck, but a calm man can walk right by a guard and never be noticed. A shifter's scent or a kalashtar's mind-magic, it makes no difference: either will sense the spy whose mind shouts "Don't look at me!" before they sense the spy whose mind says nothing at all...

One of the thugs crept by, his long dagger out and his eyes alert. His eyes passed over the spot where Skil hid without pausing, and she studied his face quickly. Strong jaw, scar along the right cheek, and a broken nose that had been set sloppily. When the thug was gone, moving around a corner with a stealthy grace that Skil admired on a professional level, Skil shut her eyes, focused, and let the change come.

Garix hadn't had to train her in this. Skil's parents had made it a game as she'd grown up. Who could she be today? Could she put on the baker's face? What about the foul-tempered half-orc who guarded the tavern down the road? It had always been done in secret, never shown to the townsfolk except to make silly faces as a joke. This is our home, Little Skil. We live with these people, and we need to keep their trust. You must never use it to trick the people who live here... not until you're good enough that they'll never catch you.

She twitched the beautiful and intricate web of changeling muscles and slowly felt her shoulders and hips expand while other parts of her contracted. The shiny coloring of the scar was difficult, but she could make a minor indentation without too much trouble, and she darkened the skin around her jaw as makeshift beard stubble. The nose flexed into its new position, and a moment later Skil crept out, her dagger at the ready, and headed back toward the young man in the floppy brown hat.

She came upon one of the thugs a moment later, and he paused and raised a hand in question. "She must've circled around," Skil whispered roughly, since she hadn't heard the voice of the man she was mimicking. The other man nodded and headed down an alley to the left. Skil smirked at his back. It was dark, but there was no excusing the sloppiness of hired help that didn't even notice her lack of armor.

She shifted back to the face of her blond helpless-woman disguise and came around the corner at an easy saunter, her dagger raised. The man in the floppy brown hat gasped and took a few steps back as he saw her come out of the shadows. "I must have been the perfect mark," she said casually, "a naive traveler, all alone and helpless, no friends to notice my absence, my purse practically a gift laid out just for you." She grinned. "But then, you know what they say about accepting gifts from the Traveler."

"Very resourceful," he admitted, and then raised his hands, fingers splayed. "But back in the Last War, I was one of Breland's finest battle sorcerers."

"Really?" Skil asked, cocking her head and squinting at him. "You'd think I'd remember you."

The young sorcerer glared and took another step back. "I have magic that can strip the flesh from your bones, lady."

"Had." Skil smiled and leaned against the wall.

The young sorcerer blinked. "What?"

"You don't have magic, you had it." Skil pointed at his waist with her new dagger. "Unless you can cast that big flesh-stripping spell without your bag of spell components." The young sorcerer glanced down at his belt and saw only a cleanly sliced cord. "Remember when my warforged friend bumped into you?"

"Son of..." He turned, and, as if on cue, Reliance's solid metal fist caught him across the temple. The young sorcerer crumpled bonelessly to the ground beside the thug Skil had surprised earlier.

"Took you long enough," Skil muttered to her warforged partner.

"That gnome really wanted to buy me a drink," Reliance said smoothly, rifling the young sorcerer's pockets. "And there aren't many of my people here. It's hard for me to blend. Ah, here we are." He held up a thick pouch. "Just like you said. Too much money for his own good. Why don't they ever quit while they're ahead?"

"Question for the deathless." Skil's well-trained ears caught approaching footsteps. "Take the purse. I'll catch up." Reliance nodded and departed with far less clanking than he had displayed back in the market square, and Skil grabbed the young sorcerer's hat, set it on her head at a jaunty angle, and then let the change slide across her features again.

When the thugs arrived a moment later, they found their leader standing over an exact duplicate of himself, smiling grimly. "She was a changeling," he explained. "Thought she could fool us, filthy creature, but I taught her otherwise."

"She got anything worth the trouble she's caused?" one of the thugs asked.

"You tell me," the young sorcerer explained. "Search her. I'm going to make sure that warforged of hers isn't waiting around somewhere. Oh, and don't be too gentle," he added. "I hear that if you beat them hard enough, they change back into their true shape."

Then, tugging on his floppy brown hat in a mock-bow, the "young sorcerer" left the thugs to do their business.

END
 

It's a bit on the short side with merely 2030 words, but I like it: Your sample has got good dialogue, a couple of funny moments, interesting characters and some action.

Here's what I would have done differently:

I'd have used a synonym for "young man." I faced the same problem with a character in my sample and had an even greater word repitition there (19 times as opposed to your 13 times). However, due to the synonyms it isn't as apparent.

I have got a few minor suggestions for improvement, but unless you want to hear them, I'll keep them to myself (as I don't want to come across as a smartass...).
 

It's a bit on the short side with merely 2030 words, but I like it: Your sample has got good dialogue, a couple of funny moments, interesting characters and some action.

Yup. I formatted it so that it was 10 pages, but it was a good stopping point.

Here's what I would have done differently:

I'd have used a synonym for "young man." I faced the same problem with a character in my sample and had an even greater word repitition there (19 times as opposed to your 13 times). However, due to the synonyms it isn't as apparent.

Interesting. It didn't bother me, since that was pretty much my signifier for the guy (until he became the young sorcerer). If it bothers them, it bothers them, though. :)

I have got a few minor suggestions for improvement, but unless you want to hear them, I'll keep them to myself (as I don't want to come across as a smartass...).

No worries. I wasn't really looking for critiques, though, since, well, it's over. I figured people were going to be sharing now, since the deadline was past.
 


takyris: Good strong prose, lots of humor, and characters you grasp immediately. You accomplish an awful lot in only a few words. I'll be surprised if you don't at least land a different writing assignment out of this :)
 

Well, here's my ten-page sample. I may change things around and develop the first part of this into a short story if it's rejected, so any criticism is appreciated :)


The Dragon Between, Chapter One:
The Burden of Old Scars (10 page sample)


The poison would work its way out of his bloodstream or it wouldn’t. Tobias would die in this chalet, overlooking the dead-gray corpse of Cyre, his once-beautiful homeland, or he would survive to spend his remaining days fighting to prevent such tragedies from ever happening again.

Serenaded by the pooling ripples of the river Ghaal, the secluded chalet wouldn’t be a bad place to fade away in. The Darguun valley was lush and secluded and it rained most every night because of all the ash in the atmosphere: the art, the architecture, the people of Cyre returned to the continent of Khorvaire as falling rain. Tobias moved shaking fingers over his chest and thought again about the burden of old scars.

Cool night air carried goblin song to his poison-weakened ears. It was the first night of the Dorn-Dara, he remembered, a traditional pilgrimage to the nearby spot where a minor tributary diverged from the Ghaal. According to local interpretations of the teachings of Dol Dorn, a mystical river -- the Sardoldara, in the goblin tongue -- appeared for a few nights every year when the summer turned to autumn. The goblins whose songs Tobias heard and whose soft lanterns he glimpsed now, glowing amid the trees, meant to quit the prime material plane and sail to an uncharted paradise. Turning again to the river, Tobias searched out the tributary and found himself toying with the idea of joining the goblins on their journey. The lands beyond, the pilgrims said, were peaceful, never changing, and devoid of pain.

Stomach suddenly clenched, Tobias fell to the hard wooden floor gasping for breath. He had spent nearly a month ingesting minute doses of Carcass Crab venom, but it hadn’t been enough to develop total immunity. Tobias had sat down to a poisoned dinner with his chief adversary, Lord Crassius, luring the despot into a false sense of security by eating and drinking so freely. The poison had killed Crassius, but Tobias had at least a fighting chance at life.

Pushing aside all thoughts of dying or slipping away to a mystical paradise, Tobias clawed his way up the dangling sheets and got back into his sweat-soaked bed. The night would tell the tale, he decided. He was expecting a delivery of goat milk and healing herbs from a Zarrthec merchant called Xarn first thing in the morning. If he lived to accept the packages, he would be over the worst of his sickness. If he died in the night, at least he had the satisfaction of knowing he’d taken his mortal enemy with him.

Tobias fell into a fitful sleep, dreaming of Cyre as it was before the war -- a time he had never actually known. The grass was so green, the towers so beautiful, Tobias wept upon waking. Everything he loved had vanished, taken from him by a century of fear and greed and pettiness. Duty, honor, survival -- the old paradigms no longer worked in this new world, and Tobias wasn’t at all sure he’d be able to make a place for himself within it.

In the morning, Xarn’s persistent knocking drew Tobias to the door. The goblin was a hard worker -- a credit to his race, really -- but why couldn’t he make his Shadow-damned deliveries at night? Still grumpy from his dream, Tobias opened the door to glaring sunlight. Arms stinging and ears burning, he handled the light better than he had the past several times he’d been exposed. He supposed he had finally started on the long road to recovery.

Tobias squinted down at Xarn’s packages and his heart leapt into his throat. There -- right there at the top of the second bag -- was a big yellow wheel of cheese. “How are you feeling today, Mister Tobias?” Xarn asked. “Do you want me to set these on the kitchen table?”

“Please,” Tobias said over the pounding of his heart. They’ve found me, he thought miserably. After all these years, they’ve found me again.

Seared into Tobias’ vision by the harsh daylight, golden globes danced before his eyes. He blinked to clear them, then very carefully examined the creases in the grey skin on the back of Xarn’s neck as he followed the delivery-boy into the kitchen. Not a hair out of place. Am I imagining this? Has the venom finally driven me mad? Tobias listened as Xarn placed the packages on the table, but his eyes searched desperately for a weapon. He saw a knife on the far side of the counter, and noticed Xarn watching him cautiously.

Tobias lunged for the knife but Xarn was already upon him, stabbing with his own jagged-edged dagger, red-rimmed eyes no longer his own.

Tobias raised a thin arm, noticed how frail and white it had become, how the blue vessels stood out against the skin. Xarn swept the arm aside and brought his dagger down with a reverberating thud. The dagger, Tobias saw, had missed his own wasted flesh and instead pinned his nightgown to the floor. He launched himself upwards, tearing the thin material and catching Xarn up in it. Naked now, Tobias hit the counter, bruising his ribs, and scrambled for the kitchen-knife. He spun about and held the knife before him as steadily as his shaking hands could manage.

Xarn was still on the ground, trying to pull his dagger from the floor. He stopped when he saw that Tobias had armed himself, and looked up with a cool and detached expression. “How did you know?” he asked.

“I never order cheese,” said Tobias. “I can’t eat solid foods yet.”

The goblin smirked. “You’re a walking corpse, Tobias. We’re going to murder you, and then we’re going to vomit nightmares on your world.”

“I’m already at death’s door,” Tobias said, “and you still couldn’t kill me. A full century of sustained warfare hasn’t wiped us from the continent, so what hope do you have?”

The thing controlling Xarn gave Tobias a look that made his heart grow cold. “Wiped you from the continent?” It smirked again. “I would say that dust cloud where your homeland used to be disproves your analysis.”

Cold rage gripped Tobias and he lunged forward. He hated the creature, he hated the world that had taken Cyre, and most of all he hated himself for surviving. He put the knife through the goblin’s eye -- there was no way to save the boy -- and fell panting over the lifeless gray body. It was morning now, but Tobias dwelt still in twilight. Like the goblin faithful, he existed in the spaces that separated the worlds: the living from the dead, the past from the future, the innocent from the damned.

Eventually, he found the strength to push himself from the floor. He drank the milk and used the herbs. The cheese was difficult to keep down, but he would need it to keep his strength during the long journey ahead. An hour later he stood outside the peaceful chalet, body wrapped in a dark cloak that still let in too much sunlight for his comfort. The Last War had ended nearly two years ago and this, Tobias thought bitterly, had been his first real opportunity to rest.

He turned his back on mystic rivers, stillness, death, and self-doubt. Let the ghosts stay in Cyre. His ears were getting better, the wind almost making sense. A familiar discomfort the exact circumference of the self-inflicted scar tingled his chest.

Tobias, a voice whispered on the wind. Here’s what you need to do...

#

Goss opened the door to Kaius’ inner sanctuary and marveled at the young king’s discipline. Rows of books adorned one wall and a series of tables and chests kept the king’s possessions in careful order. Though he was nearly a decade older, Goss had to admit his own chambers back in Cyre had never been as tidy.

Since he was alone, Goss allowed himself to wince at the memory of his homeland. Cyre’s destruction hung like a pall over his very being, influencing every decision and altering every mood. A large, powerful man, Goss knew that his ebony skin and piercing eyes provided a powerful defense against physical as well political threats. Goss had grown used to maintaining a calculated air of invulnerability, and he straightened up and squared his shoulders with practiced precision.

“It’s a good sign,” he muttered, jangling the ornate copper keys on their ring. Cyre and Karrnath had been at war a very long time, yet Kaius had trusted Goss with access to his innermost room. Of course, Kaius had ordered him here like a common vassal rather than an esteemed foreign dignitary, but Goss supposed that was the way of things. As forward-looking as Kaius could be, the king also felt the constant need to express his political dominance.

Goss scanned the books for the small leather-bound volume Kaius had described. There it is, Goss said. He reached for the book, then stopped as light flickered. A shadow moved the wrong way against the wall. Goss blew his candle out and the room dimmed, lit now only by the torch in the outside room. Faint steps sounded beyond the opposite wall and there -- yes, just there -- the red-orange outline of a hidden door. Goss traced the outline with his fingertips, then gripped a jutting stone and pulled experimentally.

The door opened. A low grumble sounded as Goss considered whether or not to proceed. He had been playing at politics for almost thirty years, and the one thing he had learned during that time was that things worked best for him when he went with the feeling in his gut.

He entered the stone passageway. It didn’t smell musty, like he’d imagined, and he surmised that someone must use the passage at fairly regular intervals. Torch-light flickered in a chamber ahead, reinforcing his suspicions. What are my duties in a situation like this? Goss wondered. He had no official standing in the court at Karrnath, but he had sworn allegiance to her king.

Goss strode boldly into the chamber, then stepped back instinctively as terror clutched his heart. He waited for death in the relative darkness of the passage, and stepped back into the room only when it didn’t come. A series of stakes dotted the room like wooden stalagmites, a shriveled undead form on each one.

“Why are they storing vampires?” Goss wondered out loud. The Karnathi had employed undead throughout the Last War, but only ghouls and zombies -- at least as far as Goss knew. He stretched a finger toward a black talon on the end of a shriveled grey finger --

-- and crept back into the passage. Footsteps sounded and Moranna, Kaius’ aunt and advisor, entered the chamber. She wore a cloak, but only Moranna could have so hulking, yet so unmistakably feminine a form. She’s almost as big as I am, thought Goss.

Moranna did something Goss couldn’t see, extinguished the torch, and left the chamber. Goss hurried back to the king’s room. “Kaius must know about the chamber,” he reasoned as he pushed the door closed again. He went to the shelf and squinted at it in the dim grey light, found the book he'd been sent to fetch, and slipped it under his arm. He decided not to say anything about the disturbing chamber for the time-being. Kaius was a good man, but Goss wasn’t yet certain that he was good enough. If the king wavered in the peace process -- if he decided to push for war -- Goss might be able to use this bit of information to discredit him. Goss hated playing dirty, but he had pledged to do whatever it took to prevent other nations from suffering the fate of Cyre.

Cyre. The memory lay before him like an open wound. Everyone had suffered during the war -- that’s the only reason the conflict had finally ended. All the old issues still remained, ready to flare up into open warfare at any moment. Every nation suffered, but none more than Cyre. Sometimes things get so screwed up you have to lose the past in order to see the future, Goss had told King Kaius at their first meeting, and the young king had gazed back with old eyes that had seemed to understand...
 


Excellent sample! On reading it I didn't see any language related mistakes; not even minor issues like the suggestion to use synonyms I had with Takyris's sample. In my opinion the writing is flawless, so I'll make a comment on the content:

"Tobias fell into a fitful sleep, dreaming of Cyre as it was before the war -- a time he had never actually known. The grass was so green, the towers so beautiful, Tobias wept upon waking. Everything he loved had vanished, taken from him by a century of fear and greed and pettiness."

We know that the war lasted longer than Tobias's life, but that the destruction of Cyre is recent, so that he has seen a land with green grass, although he hadn't known it as it was before the war.

A new reader who hasn't read the Eberron sourcebook however, might think "If he hasn't known that time, how can he dream of how it was before?" This passage needs some clarification or rephrasing to dreaming of Cyre as it was before its destruction.

"Tobias would die in this chalet, overlooking the dead-gray corpse of Cyre, his once-beautiful homeland"
Someone who is familiar with the sourcebook understands that Tobias is actually in Darguun and looks over to the neighboring Mournland. A new reader might deduce from this initial sentence that Tobias is in Cyre and the later reference to Darguun would just be confusing without some sort of explanation that those are actually separate countries next to each other.

I liked the whole Edgar Wallace like poisoning while having established a resistance, but the cheese oversight later on doesn't seem plausible (how hard is it to put together the items that were ordered? Or did Xarn include the cheese before he was possessed to tip off Tobias that something is amiss?). Since such mistakes by the villains are needed to drive the plot, though, I guess it isn't too much of an irritation.

P.S.: Although your sample was as short as Takyris's sample, it somehow seemed longer. I attribute this to the focus on description rather than dialogue.
 
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I do feel a twinge of error in that I don't really have a 'wartorn' story as much as I have a 'cool story that involves characters who were in a war but isn't entirely about postwar stuff'.

Anyway, sure, I'll post my sampler again. I sent mine in on the 18th.



Chapter One

Hot, dry wind blew dust off the Talenta Plains, and in through the cracked door of the House of Healing. A muffled rattle and a weary creak filled the otherwise silent building as a gust pressed at the door, swinging it inward and out again. Papers cracked and fluttered on the desks of the halfling bookmenders, but they worked on, healing in their own lonely way.

A sudden alarm sounded, and throughout the building a dozen short heads looked up in shock. The magical ring alerted them to an intruder in the House, and they grabbed weapons and rushed to the entrance, fearing brigands, monsters, or worse.

Instead they saw a swaggering human, dressed in a long rumpled coat. He was dark-skinned, his black hair fading to white in patches. Sweat beaded his forehead, and with a smug grin he glanced out the main door to the sandstorm. He shook out his coat with over-exaggerated motions, as if to get dust off of it, but it was apparent that he had not come in from the desert. His boots were wet.

“Hell of a place you got here,” he said.

He wiped the sweat from his forehead as he spoke, revealing a blue design etched on his wrist. The dragonmark glowed faintly, having been used recently. The halfling librarians raised their daggers and wands nervously toward the intruder.

From the office on the opposite side of the entry foyer, the head of the hospital strode toward the human, displeasure on his face. Though only three feet tall, anyone there would have been certain the halfling was staring down at the intruder.

“Parison,” the human laughed.

“Hawkins d’Orien,” said Parison. He shook his head. “You’re not welcome here. I don’t want bounty hunters coming through here chasing after you.”

Hawkins took off his coat and began to fold it, looking down at the crowd of halflings. Bemused, he said, “I thought you all were supposed to be . . . hospitable to strangers.”

“That’s House Ghallanda, idiot. Bums who live in the streets can tell the difference. I suppose House Orien just isn’t that well informed.”

“Oh yes.” Hawkins half-rolled his eyes. “We don’t have time to learn things about people. We’re too busy taking their money.”

Parison chuckled. “Well I see that part of your upbringing has stuck.”

“You kidding? I hate my god damned family.” Hawkins snorted, then looked around again. “Can you call off the hounds or something?”

Parison waved for the others to get back to work, and the group slowly dispersed. He turned back toward his office and waved for Hawkins to follow.

“You look like hell, Hawk. Where’ve you been?”

Hawkins rubbed his wrist, still warm to the touch after the teleport, then tossed a jangling necklace onto Parison’s desk before the halfling could get seated. It was silver chain strung through ten short talons of gold, each sparkling with a different color gem powder.

“No,” Parison said emphatically. “Not a chance.”

“Hey,” Hawkins laughed, “you said I looked like hell. Heal me, then. Help me get better by giving me some money for that. Got it in Q’barra. Interrupted some ritual or another in a swamp. It’s probably not cursed.”

He pulled out a thin, rolled cigarette, and lit it with a cantrip.

“Dammit, Hawk. That’s bad for the books.”

Hawkins took a drag on his cigarette and slid his gaze slowly across the tiny office. Its shelves were crowded with damaged, aged books and scrolls, entrusted to House Jorasco, bearers of the dragonmark of healing. This tiny library, sitting in the middle of a desert near the Talenta Plains, was dry enough to slow the books’ decay, and remote enough that few travelers came without legitimate business.

Hawkins exhaled smoke. “This ‘book’ thing is paying pretty well, ain’t it?”

“You’re out of luck.” Parison tossed the necklace back to Hawkins. “I can’t find a buyer for this. Too many people are looking for you, what since you decided to turn yourself in for your own bounty. That went over well.”

“I didn’t ‘try’,” Hawkins said. “I did. I’m a very hard man to catch. I expected to be well-rewarded for my troubles.”

“Then that’d better last you. You’re upsetting a lot of people, and I’m not going to get in their way when they show up to catch you.”

Hawkins took another draw on his cigarette, glaring quietly at the halfling as his last words hung in the air.

“No one can catch me. I steal from rich people, and they can hire bounty hunters to make themselves feel better about it. I make a point to only upset people who can afford to ignore me.”

“Well that theory doesn’t pan out. You’re irritating me.”

Hawkins smiled, and pressed the stolen gold and silver necklace back onto the desk.

“I’m just trying to make you a rich man, Parison. Anyway, if I do get caught and scuffed up a little, I promise to come to you exclusively for healing.” He chuckled.

Parison began looking over the item, but he kept talking. “You’d be a waste of my time. You know, during the war I healed actual heroes. People who would have sacrificed their lives for others. The best thing you have going for you is that you’re the only person who ever comes out here.”

“Yeah, great job on that,” Hawkins said. “It was really nice of you all to keep everyone alive and fighting so that the war could go on longer. Hell, I don’t know what we could’ve done without you.”

“Was that what you were thinking when your wife died? ‘It’s a good thing no one’s here to stop the bleeding’?”

The windblown door of the House of Healing clattered in the silence that followed. It wasn’t until after Hawkins finished his cigarette that he replied. He dropped the remaining burnt paper on the floor and stamped it out, then stood and leaned down over Parison’s desk.

“I’m heading to Breland,” Hawkins said. “I need accurate maps of a couple of the towns along the lightning rail.”

Parison looked down uncomfortably, then glanced away.

“My wife,” Hawkins started to say, but then he stopped himself. He stood up straight, backing away from the desk. “You must have just loved the war. It gave you something to do, since all you’re really good for is fixing other people’s mistakes.

“Hell, everyone was happier during the war. People cared about what they were doing, because they were fighting for their futures. And you see how that’s turned out. We’re living in that future now, and everyone just has to keep telling themselves that things are better. Everybody’s too afraid to doubt it.

“We got to be heroes during the war. Even I was known to do the occasional good deed. But now all I have are. . . . What? Medals and celebrations from people I don’t know, because everyone I cared for is dead? And you, you’ve got a house in the middle of the desert, and I’m your best friend, so you know your life is worthless.

“If people could be like me, they would be. I suffered through enough :):):):) in the war. I’m entitled to take what I want. And no one is going to catch me.”

Hawkins paced for a moment, then sighed and kicked the foot of Parison’s desk. “Great job. Now this is just awkward.”

“Eight or nine hundred,” Parison said softly. “Give me a month?”

Hawkins glanced at the necklace. He nodded slowly. A moment later he was relaxed and grinning. “Sounds good. Now will you show me some maps, or do I have to get emotional again?”

He and Parison laughed ruefully, and the halfling quickly found something sufficient for Hawkins’ needs. The rebel from House Orien tucked the sheaves of paper under one arm and closed his eyes to concentrate on his destination, but Parison spoke before he could teleport away.

“You are actually a friend. I know a lot of your friends end up dead, and I’m sorry I never had a chance to say goodbye to Shela and Kev. There are things worse than wounds that need healing. I hope you’ll come back soon, friend.”

Hawkins smirked. “And that just shows stupid and sentimental halflings are. Oh, and why not look into lowering the ceiling a bit more before the next time I come? Big hero healer’s got nothing better to do than pick splinters out of my scalp.”

Then, with a few short words of magic, he was gone. Again the House of Healing was silent, as it always was. Amid the rot and must of dying books, only the heat pressing in from the summer sandstorms made the place feel alive.

* * *

Labeth Porter’s canoe came to a sudden stop, pressing sharply upon a carved stone that jutted out of the Brelish swamp. Labeth hadn’t seen the obstacle in the haze of humidity and slime coating the marsh, but now she could make out many similar stones just below the surface, stretching away toward the village that was her destination. A week ago this land would have just been muggy, but summer rains had swept over Breland. The land was abuzz with mosquitoes and droning frogs. She had had to boat her way here, with no road to guide her.

Just another thing getting in her way, minor enough compared to what she had faced before. A simple flood wasn’t going to deter her.

She tied a rope to the guide pole and rammed it down through the water, into the muck below as a makeshift anchor. Confidently she stood, slender and tall, rising above the fog over the swamp. She wore the same chain armor that had protected her in the Last War. Her Aundair military overcoat was covered with patches where she had torn off her medals, long-since sold. Her brown hair lay limp from the heat, slumping down to her proud shoulders, loosely framing her face’s otherwise crisp angles. The white crystal pendant her dead husband had worn lay upon her chest, reflecting a glare from the sun up across Labeth’s chin. She reached up and held it lightly, and for a moment her weary blue eyes were free from the strain of obligation.

Then, with a frown, she lifted her weapon and shield from the bottom of the canoe, and began to walk toward the village, using the short stones as steps across the water. The high twang of guitar music soon emerged from the sounds of the swamp, and Labeth walked to its tired beat. Stone to stone she stepped, until an old wooden house emerged from the hot morning haze. A man sat on the porch, bent over a guitar. His feet dangled in the green waters as he played out an old folk song.

“Old man,” she called to him, “I was told this town had a seer. I’m looking for him.”

The man placed a palm on the guitar strings, silencing them. “I am he.”

He looked up, then leaned back and waved her forward. “Come in outta there, if you would. I don’t like seeing visitors desecrate our dead.”

Labeth paused and peered down into the water, noticing now faint writing on each of the stones. Each had a name. She looked back to her tiny canoe, but the boat was hidden by reeds and dense, hot mist. This made her smile.

“You knew I had a boat. Is the rest of your prophesying as good?”

The man laughed, a deep sound that shook his body. Labeth could not help but feel the laugh belonged to a larger man, but the seer looked recently lean, the hunger not yet having eaten away at his spirit. She walked over to him, still walking across headstones until she could step onto the stairs and the porch.

From the porch, she surveyed the rest of the tiny swamp village. Tall grass and weeds surrounded many of the buildings, their owners having long since left. Labeth could tell the occupied houses by the skinned and cut birds and rabbits adorning their walls, hanging to cook in the sun. The scent of spiced cooking filled the air, stronger than the musk of the swamp. A pair of men sat on one house’s porch, content to watch the waters drift by their town.

“Let’s go inside,” she said.

The seer nodded, stood, and showed her inside his home. He left his guitar out on the porch.

The inner room was decorated with the cast-offs of a life of war. Trophies, a dented shield, a notched mace – all hung on the wall like paintings of dead relatives. Floor, walls, and many shelves were covered with unlit candles, and a wasp hovered around its nest in a corner of the ceiling.

The seer circled around the room, lighting candle to candle, closing blinds on windows as he passed them. Low firelight bathed the room, and the man moved to the center of the ring of candles. He tossed a pinch of incense into the air, and the flames suddenly rolled from orange to brilliantly gleaming silver.

“Three hundred gold,” the man said. He gestured to a large empty urn sitting on a windowsill.

When Labeth hesitated, the man added, “I can’t see the question you’re going to ask, woman, but I knew you would come. The price is set. Don’t worry, child. I know you can afford it.”

She smiled angrily, and rummaged through her pack for a few notes of mark. She held them up for him to see the amount, and then placed them in the urn. The man nodded and gestured for her to proceed.

“I need money,” she said. “Several thousand in gold. You’re going to tell me where I can get it quickly. Find me a nice caravan carrying gems, or a rich merchant who’s going to get lost in the woods. Anything works.”

The seer frowned, then shrugged and bowed his head. He muttered words of a spell under his breath, and the incense he had sprinkled on the floor vanished in a burst of silver flame. Labeth laughed to herself at the display, then waited. The man was silent for a long stretch, and Labeth shifted her weight impatiently.

Finally, just as she opened her mouth to speak, the candle flames turned from silver back to orange. She closed her mouth and waited for her answer.

“Southwest of here,” the man said, “near Baran’s Keep, there’s a village called Woodridge. Be there in eight days, at sunset. A man who has stolen a great treasure will be there. He has a great bounty which you can collect.”

“Anything else you can tell me?”

“Sorry, girl, but no. Something tells me you’re not going to pay another three hundred, so I hope that was useful enough. When you leave, try not to walk through the graveyard. They don’t like it when folk do that.”

“I doubt they’re coming back any time soon,” Labeth said.

The man shook his head disapprovingly and turned to snuff out the candles. While he was looking away, Labeth pulled out a short wand from her sleeve. The man began to speak to chide her, but his words were cut off. The room fell into complete silence, lacking even the humming drone of the swamp.

The seer wheeled to look at her, his face full of shock and fear. Labeth rushed toward him and slammed her shield in his face, knocking him to the floor. The man tried to trip her, tried to scream, but the magical silence was absolute. He managed to pull Labeth’s dagger from her boot sheath, but she backed away from his slash. He rolled away and crawled to cover behind a table, but she kicked the table away and slammed down her flail, striking the seer’s arm and knocking the dagger from his grasp. The beaten man glared up to her from the floor, clutching his broken arm. Though he was no doubt a skilled spellcaster, in the silence he could not call for his magic. Nor could he call for help.

It took several strikes before the man stopped moving. She tore through the small house for the next few minutes, finding anything of value she could carry, including the silver urn and the money she had paid him. Before she left, she kicked the man to make sure he was still breathing, and then she cancelled the silence spell. Chuckling, Labeth thought to herself that a seer should have been less surprised.

She stopped outside the door and picked up the guitar, about to take it, but then reconsidered. Money was free for the taking, but she could not bring herself to take the man’s spirit. She gently laid the guitar back onto the porch, then headed back to her boat, walking from headstone to headstone.

* * *

The sky roiled with strange purple energies as the warforged known as Alloy stared down the pacing hellbeast. Alloy’s a weary carver dinosaur mount nearly balked, but the warforged soothed the creature, then sat high in his saddle, raising his glaive high, preparing to charge. No rain fell here in the Mournland, but lightning crackled overhead, and the mist-filled air seemed to tear beneath the roar of thunder.

The misshapen, twelve-foot tall, misshapen monster circled Alloy and his mount. Dozens of arrows pierced its hide, the result of hours of hunting and harrying. Its leonine body crackled with flames, and four jagged horns curled from its head. Its burnt flesh was a rotten black, sloughing off in thin sheets as the creature moved. It was one of the less revolting creatures of the Mournland.

Compared to its bleak decaying presence, and to the lifeless expanse of the gray plains around them, Alloy and his mount stood out in brilliant, colorful defiance. The dinosaur’s scales were striped with the red, yellow, and blue of Talenta halfling warpaint, from its saw-toothed mouth to the six-inch long raking talons on its feet. Seated firmly atop his steed, Alloy too was bedecked in Talenta designs. A mantle of dinosaur hide was stretched across a bow of wood that lay across his shoulders. Two long, sharpened bones came up from the sides of his saddle like spikes, they too painted with dagger-shaped designs. Inlaid wood etched across the warforged’s body of metal armor in criss-crossing lines, and the gleaming turquoise inlaid around his mouth resembled the snarling, toothy grin of a hunting dinosaur.

Lightning flashed again, and sixty feet away the hellbeast reared up to its two hind legs, then roared and slammed to the ground in a charge. A synthetic sigh passed from Alloy’s metal lips, and he spurred his mount to meet the charge.

The hellbeast lowered its head, preparing for a gore, but at the last moment Alloy shifted his weight to the left, and his carver mount swung sideways. Alloy slashed down with the glaive, tearing through the beast’s right flank as it trampled past them. Alloy shouted a short warcry, then wheeled his mount about to face the beast.

Charred black hooves dug into the cracked ground, and the beast twisted in its charge and angled for Alloy. Its tusked mouth distended open, and a gout of flame burst out. The carver leapt upward above most of the flame, and in midair Alloy shifted his glaive to point downward. Still charging, the horrid beast ran straight into their path, and Alloy’s glaivepoint drove into the creature’s shoulder, thrusting deep under the weight of mount and rider. The carver itself grasped with its foreclaws onto the beast’s face, and the sickle claw on its hind foot began to tear at the bony extrusions around the monster’s eyes.

The beast rolled onto its side suddenly, spilling the carver off its face, and Alloy from his saddle. He fell to the ground painfully, feeling an inner plating collapse from the impact. Worse, though, he heard the loud snap of his glaive’s shaft shattering under the beast’s crushing, rolling weight. Alloy pressed himself to his knees and looked up. The hellbeast towered over him, a short shaft of wood sticking up from its shoulder. The massive creature lashed out with a hoof and kicked Alloy to the ground, then planted the full weight of its foreleg atop him, grinding him into the dust of the Mournland plain.

Alloy pulled a shortsword from his hip sheath and thrust it upward, fast enough to keep the monster’s goring horns at bay. The hellbeast opened its mouth and snarled, and Alloy saw a red glow rising up its throat.

With a screech, the carver leapt upon the hellbeast’s already slashed flank. Ignoring the flames that seared out from the wound, the dinosaur bit and tore at the monster, rending huge streaks of flesh from its back. The decaying demon flesh collapsed into black dust as it fell away, and the creature reared up, trying to drive the dinosaur from its back. Its weight pulled away from Alloy’s chest, and the warforged rolled clear.

Free from the monster’s pin, Alloy charged for its foreleg and jumped, digging his metal fingers into cracks of flesh, using for handholds the arrow shafts that still stuck out of its body. He reached the remains of his glaive and tore it free, then began jabbing it down into the monster’s unarmored neck and shoulders, while just a few feet away his mount carved away at the beast’s flank.

Suddenly, the monster lashed its head sideways, and one of the jutting horns struck Alloy. The horn crunched metal and impaled the exposed wood of his shoulder joint. He grimaced, but grabbed onto the horn as the beast tried to pull away. Clinging with his mangled arm, he used his free hand to drive the tip of his glaive at the hellbeast’s eye. Several strikes missed, deflected by bone ridges, but he kept attacking. Another gout of fire breath seared Alloy’s dangling legs, and the creature twisted and tried to swing him free, but he would not let go. Finally, desperately, the beast tried to roll again. Alloy braced the remainder of his glaive, and as the monster’s weight fell upon him, it drove the blade through the creature’s eye and into its brain.

The huge creature went limp, and Alloy was pinned. Fire began to seep from the dead monster’s wounds, and though he struggled, the warforged could not escape. The last sound he heard before he succumbed to the pain was the barking of the carver as it tried to free him.

First came simple unconsciousness, and he felt nothing. But then awareness washed over him. Something crept into the warforged’s mind for the first time ever, and in its presence, Alloy dreamed.

He stood at the edge of a great rift in the earth, black, but alive with the sound of waterfall and wildlife. The ground around him was covered in grass and trees, swaying gently in the sunlight, and in the distance across the rift, someone called to him. A boy, too distant for his voice to be heard.

Overhead, something larger but less tangible than a moon swept across the face of the sun, and the ground shook in shadow. Gray steam shot up from the ground surrounding the rift, and screams called out from below. Without caring how or why, Alloy was no longer in his body, and his will sped through the air above the rift, trying to reach the boy, to save him.

The boy was just close enough for Alloy to see his face when the deadly mist began to roll across him. The boy’s expression showed no fear, and it seemed as if he was waiting for someone. A scar of some sort marked his face, stretching from his left temple, across his cheek and nose, and down to the right of his chin. As the mist began surrounding him, hiding him, the scar began to glow a faint blue. The boy’s eyes still stared out at Alloy from within the glowing scar, and then the gray mist swept over him. The blue glow was still visible for just a moment, but then even that was obscured.

Removed from his body, Alloy floated above the rift, now dark and seemingly bottomless. Mist rolled into it from all sides, and in the depths of the mist, far below in the blackness, he could feel something trying to break free.

Alloy awoke.

His mount had managed to drag him free from the hellbeast’s corpse, which was now just a flickering lump of ash, slowly being blown away by the wind. He was burnt badly, and his mount was injured perhaps worse. He had slain the beast like he had promised, and he knew he could return to his tribe now. But he shook his head. Alloy had never had a dream before, if that was what it was, and he could not dismiss it so easily. Everywhere he looked, he could faintly see the outline of the dragonmark, as if it had been burned across his eyes.

“The boy was calling for help. I need to find him.”

He looked to his wounded companion, and patted the dinosaur’s snout lightly. Then he touched the carved figurine that hung on the chain around his wrist, and with a thought, dismissed the conjured creature, to let it heal.

For a while, he sat quietly on the empty Mournland plain, alone. Then he stood, recovered the remains of his weapons, and turned west, toward the city where all secrets lie, toward Sharn. Hiking away slowly, Alloy sighed.

“Stupid world,” he muttered. “You’re always taking advantage of my good nature.”
 

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