[Attn: Writers who wanna write for Eberron] Plot workshopping?

Using first person, then switching over to third when describing things the POV character can't know is fine. It happens all the time in murder mysteries. However, you probably need to remain emotionally distant in the third person sections; unless you're trying out some nifty uses of the form, or experimenting, you want to stick with the POV character as the only person you stick close to. Feel free to break the rules, though. It all depends on execution.
 

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Pants said:
I'm leanng toward shifting it to third person and while I fear that it may be a little difficult, I know that it can be done well (ala Glen Cook's 'The Black Company.')

Any ideas?

Oh, I'll most likely post up a thorough synopsis along with my 10-pager later.
It can definitely be done (and done well). With fantasy fiction, it's rarely done. I can't think of a single one at the moment, but I haven't read a D&D fiction book in a long time, so someone else may know the trend. I know the general fiction trend is a very tight third person that follows only a single character in a scene. Though the perspective can shift quite a lot scene-to- scene, especially if you're running more than one 'main character.'
 

I picked up Shadows of the Last War tonight and lo and behold, there's a fiction 'pamphlet' inside by Keith Baker. It wasn't too bad for a quick little story, but it had a lot less action than I would have expected. It was still good pulp. (
The antagonist even revealed his nefarious plans before moving in to kill the helpless heroes...good stuff
). One thing though, he didn't go the route that they've pushed pretty heavily in the setting:
The heroes don't always win, or winning isn't always a good thing. It had kind of a TV show ending...
Anyway. Thought I'd share.
 

Well, Death at Whitehearst is only a short story and an intro. Of course, it seems to follow the "heroes never win" at the very end. I mean, one of his friends got killed, and he's a sell-sword for his enemies. That's not exactly a happy ending.

I'm real interested to see where the novel goes, though.
 

Wolfspirit said:
Well, Death at Whitehearst is only a short story and an intro. Of course, it seems to follow the "heroes never win" at the very end. I mean, one of his friends got killed, and he's a sell-sword for his enemies. That's not exactly a happy ending.

I'm real interested to see where the novel goes, though.
You're right. I had forgotten that. So, that's an excerpt from a book?
 

I sent mine off today. They got 11,000 setting submissions, each one page. Hopefully they won't get 1,000 novel proposals, each 11 pages.

Actually, I'm betting it's going to be much more modest. First, people are being actively discouraged from submitting more than one proposal. I know a lot of people for the setting search sent in 3 or 4 world ideas. Second, they're asking for a lot more effort for the first submission, and not as many people are confident in their ability to write a 90,000 word novel. Third, they aren't advertising a $100,000 prize. Even if WotC is really really generous and goes for, like, 10 cents a word, that's still just $9,000.

I'm guessing there'll be 400 submissions.

Who knows, though? Four hundred or four thousand, the competition is still pretty stiff. I wish you all luck.
 


Here it is... my synopsis.
The story begins in Sharn with the murder of a male half-orc. Thurn the Eagle-Eye, a male dwarven investigator who handles the cases the city watch doesn’t want to get involved with, takes the case. He soon discovers a signet ring on the body, identifying the half-orc as a member of House Tharashk and also finds out that the he was murdered using an extremely rare poison called Blood Rot. He retires for the evening and while he’s heading back to his office, he meets up with an old friend from the war, the male Valenar elf Malaris. The two go to a local bar and reminisce about old times and there Thurn learns that Malaris is working for House Tharashk, although he won’t say anything about the job. After the two retire Thurn heads to his office, but on the way he is approached by a cadre of mysterious figures that advise him ‘to back off’ the case. Thurn ignores the threat.

Meanwhile, the two male human assassins that killed the half-orc – Jalas and Eren – are making their way across the city carrying the package they were hired to retrieve. On the way, the two are ambushed by a group of sinister figures led by a human half-fiend. The figures easily kill Eren, but Jalas slips away, weaving through the city with his shadowy pursuers not far behind. Jalas is shot in the leg and tumbles off the towers and into the river below, while carrying the package. He survives the fall and manages to get away from his pursuers with the package.

The next day, Thurn begins his investigation of the murder and turns to the local House Tharashk guildhall for information. However, the members of House Tharashk deny that the dead half-orc was even a member of the House at all. Thurn leaves and contacts the owner of a local rare herb shop. There he learns that only two days ago, a small amount of bood rot had recently been bought from him by a man wearing silver falcon cuff-links. Thurn then goes to his contact in one of the local Thieve’s Guilds in order to discover the name and location of the assassin.

Meanwhile, Auric Went, a dwarven merchant lord and a secret member of the Aurum, learns that Jalas and Eren were attacked and killed by a mysterious third party. His servant Zen, a female changeling wizard, informs him that Jalas survived and has gone into hiding with the package. Auric sends Zen to Sharn to have Jalas dealt with.

After talking with his contact, Thurn discovers the location of the assassin and heads there to apprehend him. Thurn arrives at the assassin’s hide out and sneaks in. There he questions the wounded Jalas and discovers that the real target was an iron box that the half-orc was carrying. Thurn takes the box and is about leave with Jalas in tow when the cambion and his men break in. The cambion identifies himself as Valyx, a priest of the Dragon Below, and demands that Thurn hand over the package. Thurn refuses and just before a fight breaks out Zen and Auric’s henchmen arrive and start a fight with the cultists. Jalas slips away during the fight and soon after Thurn also slips away with the package in hand.

The package turns out to be a simple iron box that has been magically sealed and can only be opened with a House Tharashk signet ring. Thurn opens the box and inside he finds a journal that details the location of a large cache of Khyber dragonshards. Unfortunately, the journal also details that the dragonshards are being used to imprison one the daelkyr and that if the shards were mined, the seals imprisoning the flesh-shaper may weaken, allowing it to escape.

Thurn decides to destroy the journal in order to keep that from happening. Before he can, his office is attacked by Zen and Auric’s thugs. His assistant, the half-elf Merat, is killed and Thurn is knocked unconscious when one of Zen’s fireballs collapses the building. He later wakes up in the House Tharashk guildhall, healed of his wounds, and discovers that Malaris pulled him from the rubble of his shop. Malaris and the head of the local Tharashk guildhouse, a female half-orc Narak, explain that Auric’s men have taken the journal and are riding the lightning rail towards Auric’s estate just north of First Tower. Malaris and Narak ask Thurn to help recover the journal, so that the dragonshards can be safely mined by House Tharashk. Thurn explains the problem with the imprisoned daelkyr, but Narak doesn’t seem to care and Thurn reluctantly agrees.

Malaris, Thurn, and a small group of House Tharashk members, take a House Lyrander airship and quickly intercept the lightning rail. They board the train and begin to make their way to the compartment where Auric’s men are holding the journal. A gruesome fight ensues. All of the House Tharashk members are killed, leaving only Malaris and Thurn alive. The two fight valiantly but are hopelessly outnumbered. Valyx arrives suddenly along with the cultists and two dolgaunts. He easily kills Zen and takes the journal. Thurn pursues him while Malaris holds off the other cultists and the dolgaunts. Thurn pursues Valyx to the top of the lightning rail and the two fight. Thurn grabs the journal and slashes one of Valyx’s wings sending him plummeting off the side of the lightning rail to his death. Thurn then quickly moves to stop the lightning rail.

Meanwhile, Malaris is killed fighting the dolgaunts and cultists, but after seeing Valyx die the remaining cultists flee. Narak arrives in the airship and demands that the journal be turned over. Thurn refuses and burns it before her eyes. He turns away and begins his long walk back to Sharn.

Comments, suggestions, critiques.
 

I really like how this story sounds. It has a very nice arc with tidbits and clues that don't seem to lead our hero by the nose (he obviously uses his skills, contacts and blind luck to help him on his way). The action seems well placed and interspersed with bits of revelation. The climactic scene appears to be right in line with the pulp genre they're looking for. Actually, the whole darn story fits the genre nicely. The villians seem to be unique, the plot sufficiently twisted and the evil definitely hangs over the hero's head like a cloud (I'm actually planning some daelkyr badness in mine, too). The supporting cast seems to be well conceived and serve those supporting roles without eclipsing the protagonist (though they all seem to die...).

I'm concerned about the lack of ties to the war, especially since they specifically mentioned that this is what the story is supposed to be 'about.' You have Thurn's old war buddy, but that might not be enough, though this is a synopsis, so it's hard to tell. I'm also concerned that the entire story (with the exception of the climax) appears to take place in Sharn. I personally think that Sharn is big enough and interesting enough to hold the whole story, but I think one of their core ideas with the setting was 'movement.' With loads of magical transport available, you may consider spreading this story across the continent. Also, this may be just because it's a synopsis, but some of the parties get a little muddled. There may be too many 'named' characters in the synopsis, but it could just be me. Finally, you'll want to take a look at grammar-spelling-punctuation. I saw a couple of glaring errors, but this may not be your final version.

Great sounding story! Now, there are two here I want to read. I wonder if they'd consider publishing both yours and RangerWicket's...


Pants said:
Thurn pursues Valyx to the top of the lightning rail and the two fight. Thurn grabs the journal and slashes one of Valyx’s wings sending him plummeting off the side of the lightning rail to his death. Thurn then quickly moves to stop the lightning rail.
You can't beat a fight on top of a lightening rail for a climactic scene. Oh! I really like the end, also. Seems to keep with the protagonist's personality, though there may be consequences!
 

ragboy said:
The supporting cast seems to be well conceived and serve those supporting roles without eclipsing the protagonist (though they all seem to die...).
Well, one of the things that Eberron seems to espouse is the idea that the heroes don't always win. Thurn 'wins' in the end, killing the cambion and destroying the journal, but Auric Went gets off scot-free, while both Malaris and Merat die. Not much of a victory.

I'm concerned about the lack of ties to the war, especially since they specifically mentioned that this is what the story is supposed to be 'about.' You have Thurn's old war buddy, but that might not be enough, though this is a synopsis, so it's hard to tell.
It seemed hard to fit it smoothly into the synopsis, but Thurn is very definitely haunted by the war. This is established fairly well in the 10-pager, although it would get explored even moreso later on.

I'm also concerned that the entire story (with the exception of the climax) appears to take place in Sharn. I personally think that Sharn is big enough and interesting enough to hold the whole story, but I think one of their core ideas with the setting was 'movement.' With loads of magical transport available, you may consider spreading this story across the continent.
It is very much a 'Sharn-centered' story. I had the idea as soon as the novel search came out and while WotC may not choose my submission because it is so focused in one general locale, I'd hope that they'd be impressed enough to come back for the full story anyways.

Those are, of course, delusions of epic grandeur. ;)

Thanks for the critique, I'm always cleaning up the submission, if only to improve its flow and the grammar/punctuation/spelling.

Good luck everyone!
 

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