Eluvan
First Post
Well, I just got back from the single worst roleplaying session there has ever been, ever. I recently moved to a new city to go to university, and this was my first time at the gaming club there. I was presented immediately with a DM who explained that he hadn't really had time to think of a game, but he was sure he'd work somehting out. He had, however, had time to write up some pregenerated character sheets, which he allocated without even asking us which we'd like to play. Two Fighters, a Paladin, and a Ranger with no ranks in survival, hide or move silently. I got the paladin. I noticed the 'deity' line on my sheet was empty and asked if we were using standard Greyhawk deities so I could pick one. I was told, and I quote, 'Oh, it doesn't really matter. Just put anything down. "The Almighty Bob" or something'. So I swallowed hard and put down Heironeous.
It only got worse from there. The DM seemed to have singled me out as the leader of the group, perhaps because I was playing the paladin and perhaps because I seemed the most enthusiastic player, and told me that I had received a call for help from a city a few days away from the monks of St. Cuthbert. Before I had a chance to respond the scene cut straight to the city, where I and the three companions I had apparently pulled out of my ass on the way there were approaching the city gates. The guard surlily told me that yes, there had probably been trouble in the city, because 'those darn monks are always killing each other.' A sinking feeling started to develop in my gut. To this point none of the other players had acknowledged that they were even in the game, and certainly hadn't said anything.
We entered the city and made our way to the temple that had called for help. There we were presented with lots of monks, all clad in plate mail for some reason, telling us that a new evil sect had risen within the city and had kidnapped their leader. I enquired as to how they had managed to grow to such strength undetected, since I figured that it would be best to understand the situation fully before we did anything. The DM looked accusatory, stammered for a bit, and then hurriedly moved out of first person and said that the monks had given us some information on a contact they thought the evil cult might be using, and we had gone on our way. The guy to the left of me, playing a chaotic good fighter, announced that his character asked how much he was going to be payed. When the DM said that they would 'come to some arrangement', he went on to announce that if the monks didn't pay him 10,000gp, half up front, he would kill them. I intervened, desperately and futilely using direct speech, and with the help of the DM constantly trying to switch to the next scene eventually managed to move on with no bloodshed.
So, we then went on to the docks to chase up the contact we had been given. The chaotic good fighter went off again and started randomly threatening innocent bystanders who he thought might have something to do with the business, while I vainly tried to stop him. Eventually, when the town guards had shown up, I had my character leave and move on to the temple of the evil cult, deciding that any information we might get here probably wasn't worth the aggro. The other two players finally made their presence known by announcing that they followed me.
So, upon getting to the temple there was some half-assed dialogue about 'no, you can't go in, there's a private ceremony' before eventually the psychaotic good fighter materialised somehow and kicked in the door. Queue a seemingly endless dungeon beneath the temple with constant barrages of guards charaging down corridors at us. At some point the fighter got bored and started dismembering and sexually molesting corpses for some reason, encouraged by the DM who told me when I roleplayed my paladin's shock and horror (yeah, I know, I should have given up by then) to 'lighten up, it's funny'. The other two players just sat there, sayign nothing except annoucning, when prompted, how their characters would dismember the next goon. At some point there was a painful interlude where we met a kraken in a big pool. The DM described it, and the fighter turned to me saying 'what is that thing?' Finally, I thought, he's saying something in character. And it doesn't involve arbitrary acts of psychotic violence. 'I have no idea,' I replied, and was about to continue when he butted in 'no, seriously man, what is it?' then turned to the DM with 'come on, what is it? Can I look at its stats in the monster manual?' The DM shrugged and handed him the book, while I nearly started to cry.
After the inspired addition towards the end of the dungeon of a series of locks which the DM admonished us for not having any ability to pick, despite the fact that he had made the characters, and some torture chambers (I'm not even going to go into what the fighter did), we were finally finished.
So we have an adventure in which three out of four players never said a word in character, any dialogue deeper than 'die, scum' was positively discouraged by the DM, and nine tenths of the adventure was taken up in a dungeon crawl consisting of corridor after featureless corridor inhabited by unchallenging, uninteresting enemies. Oh, and one of my fellow players is a sexual deviant and the worst roleplayer I have ever had thr displeasure of actually meeting. Seriously, the only incentive to join the group would be that I'm pretty sure their adventures would make a good web comic.
And that was the only adventure going.
Looks like I'll be going PbP for a while....
Oh, and uhhh.... 'hi, i'm Eluvan'!
It only got worse from there. The DM seemed to have singled me out as the leader of the group, perhaps because I was playing the paladin and perhaps because I seemed the most enthusiastic player, and told me that I had received a call for help from a city a few days away from the monks of St. Cuthbert. Before I had a chance to respond the scene cut straight to the city, where I and the three companions I had apparently pulled out of my ass on the way there were approaching the city gates. The guard surlily told me that yes, there had probably been trouble in the city, because 'those darn monks are always killing each other.' A sinking feeling started to develop in my gut. To this point none of the other players had acknowledged that they were even in the game, and certainly hadn't said anything.
We entered the city and made our way to the temple that had called for help. There we were presented with lots of monks, all clad in plate mail for some reason, telling us that a new evil sect had risen within the city and had kidnapped their leader. I enquired as to how they had managed to grow to such strength undetected, since I figured that it would be best to understand the situation fully before we did anything. The DM looked accusatory, stammered for a bit, and then hurriedly moved out of first person and said that the monks had given us some information on a contact they thought the evil cult might be using, and we had gone on our way. The guy to the left of me, playing a chaotic good fighter, announced that his character asked how much he was going to be payed. When the DM said that they would 'come to some arrangement', he went on to announce that if the monks didn't pay him 10,000gp, half up front, he would kill them. I intervened, desperately and futilely using direct speech, and with the help of the DM constantly trying to switch to the next scene eventually managed to move on with no bloodshed.
So, we then went on to the docks to chase up the contact we had been given. The chaotic good fighter went off again and started randomly threatening innocent bystanders who he thought might have something to do with the business, while I vainly tried to stop him. Eventually, when the town guards had shown up, I had my character leave and move on to the temple of the evil cult, deciding that any information we might get here probably wasn't worth the aggro. The other two players finally made their presence known by announcing that they followed me.
So, upon getting to the temple there was some half-assed dialogue about 'no, you can't go in, there's a private ceremony' before eventually the psychaotic good fighter materialised somehow and kicked in the door. Queue a seemingly endless dungeon beneath the temple with constant barrages of guards charaging down corridors at us. At some point the fighter got bored and started dismembering and sexually molesting corpses for some reason, encouraged by the DM who told me when I roleplayed my paladin's shock and horror (yeah, I know, I should have given up by then) to 'lighten up, it's funny'. The other two players just sat there, sayign nothing except annoucning, when prompted, how their characters would dismember the next goon. At some point there was a painful interlude where we met a kraken in a big pool. The DM described it, and the fighter turned to me saying 'what is that thing?' Finally, I thought, he's saying something in character. And it doesn't involve arbitrary acts of psychotic violence. 'I have no idea,' I replied, and was about to continue when he butted in 'no, seriously man, what is it?' then turned to the DM with 'come on, what is it? Can I look at its stats in the monster manual?' The DM shrugged and handed him the book, while I nearly started to cry.
After the inspired addition towards the end of the dungeon of a series of locks which the DM admonished us for not having any ability to pick, despite the fact that he had made the characters, and some torture chambers (I'm not even going to go into what the fighter did), we were finally finished.
So we have an adventure in which three out of four players never said a word in character, any dialogue deeper than 'die, scum' was positively discouraged by the DM, and nine tenths of the adventure was taken up in a dungeon crawl consisting of corridor after featureless corridor inhabited by unchallenging, uninteresting enemies. Oh, and one of my fellow players is a sexual deviant and the worst roleplayer I have ever had thr displeasure of actually meeting. Seriously, the only incentive to join the group would be that I'm pretty sure their adventures would make a good web comic.
And that was the only adventure going.
Looks like I'll be going PbP for a while....
Oh, and uhhh.... 'hi, i'm Eluvan'!
I hope you didn't let it influence your opinion of the country as a whole. 
