Best wizard spell selection IRL

[ClaytonCross]

There was another thread about the best cantrip in real life and it has just had be thinking... what if you were a full lvl 20 Wizard with 44 known spells by default and spell slots.....

Slots
lvl1: 4 | lvl2:3 | lvl3:3 | lvl4:3 | lvl5:3 | lvl6:2 | lvl7:2 | lvl8:1 | lvl9:1 = 22 total

Known: 5 cantrips 44 1-9 spells
Cantrip#1: Prestidigitation, clean the dishes and laundry in 6 seconds
Cantrip#2: Mending, fix stuff I break on the fly
Cantrip#3: Create Bonfire, camping or save on the heating bill in the winter
Cantrip#4: Message, whisper across a theater without making everyone angry
Cantrip#5: Light (If I am the only wizard) or Toll the Dead, because 1 combat spell is a deterrent.

1st#1: Comprehend Languages - I mean … I live in Japan and don't speak Japanese but also travel
1st#2: Jump - Weeeee!!!
1st#3: Feather Fall - I can jump 18-foot-high now so I need a way to get down...
1st#4: Expeditious Retreat - Zoom twice as fast
1st#5: Detect Magic - Are there other wizards?

​

1st#6: Unseen Servant - Why better than mage hand.
1st#7: Disguise Self - cheap Halloween costume
1st#8: Longstrider – run faster for an hour and it stacks with expeditious retreat, Zoom Zoom!!

2nd#1: Arcane Lock – like Thor’s Hammer for your front door… you are not worthy…
2nd#2: Locate Object - Found my keys!
2nd#3: Knock, accidently locked your keys in the car? Forgot the combination to your padlock?
2nd#4: Alter Self – breath underwater, improved Halloween costume

3rd#1: Sending - Lost my phone and I can still text with no signal
3rd#2: Dispel Magic need to cancel Continual Flames , Arcane Lock , Programmed Illusion
3rd#3: CatNap – improved sleep with better targeting 3. incase your kids are higher level than you.
3rd#4: Phantom Steed – I summon you Pikachu!! Yes, I named my imaginary horse Pikachu… what?

4th#1: Locate Creature - Kids or Dog got out... but they won't get far.
4th#2: Polymorph - Be the owl and fly or dog or dolphin and swim ...ok... WeEEEEE!!! extreme!!
4th#3: Otiluke’s Resilient Sphere – I am taking this to the beach and running around on the water…
4th#4: Continual Flame level 2 will really cut down on my power bill.

5th#1: Telekinesis - I can lift 1,000lbs with my mind... Do you even lift?
5th#2: Teleportation Circle - None Jetlag trips around the world
5th#3: Control Winds – little sail boat on a lake. Ya!
5th#4: Creation -Better than any Leatherman as long you don’t need if for more than an hour.

6th#1: Investiture of Wind - Faster flight woohoo!!
6th#2: Move Earth - Pool or garden I am done in 10 mins
6th#3: Programmed Illusion – Halloween Decorections!!
6th#4: Darkvison lvl 2, going back for this because it would be great with my Halloween costumes

7th#1: Simulacrum - sometimes I wish there were two of me... time to fix that.
7th#2: Teleport - sometimes there is not circle where you want to go. What can you do.
7th#3: Etherealness – because who doesn’t want to be able to walk through walls?
7th#4: Magnificent Mansion best mobile home ever… road trip!

8th#1: Demiplane - storage I can access anywhere. nice.
8th#2: Control Weather - No you will not rain on my parade!
8th#3: Clone – That’s right I am immortal .. what … what!?!?
8th#4: Telepathy – Better than texting or phone calls one person all day.

9th#1: Foresight - almost as powerful as hindsight but more functionally useful.
9th#2: Wish... of course
9th#3: Time Stop … I’m running late…. I’m right one time!
9th#4: Invulnerability - for when you know what your about to do is stupid.

9th#5: Greater Invisibility lvl 4 - hiding in plain sight.
9th#6: Arcane Eye - is it safe outside?
9th#7: Mislead - I will just go this way you go that way.
9th#8: Banishment - Escaping my own Demiplane​

Edit: Updated again.

Arcane Tradition: Divination, a bit of "luck" we will call it
Spell Mastery: Locate object, so I can find all my things & FeatherFall, I are afraid of hights.
Signature Spells: Catnap, I am serious about wanting to get to sleep & Sending, "Wife I am heading home."

 

[AtomicPope]

Foresight is the best 9th level spell

 

[ClaytonCross]

Foresight is the best 9th level spell

Sure... but is it the best in real life? I mean if your a gambler or a fighter sure but beyond that I don't see it as super useful day to day. That said, Simulacrum would be one of the more useful ones. A duplicate you that obeys you, has your knowledge base, doesn't eat drink or sleep. You effectively get twice as much done and no guilt of taking advantage because its a construct like a golem. Its a life like permanent "seen servant" which is pretty useful. Sure it doesn't get smarter from day to day but it can do anything you could do when it was cast and that's not too shabby.


My top 7:
1.Teleportation circle - I live in Japan and My family in the US … cutting a 23-34 hour trip down to 10 mins would mean visiting them weekly for a few hours and coming back the same day with no jet lag...WOW.
2.CatNap - get to sleep easier and gain 2 hours of rest in the first hour resulting in me needing 1 hour less of sleep every day for the rest of my life... yes please. (I have a lot of trouble sleeping so this gets a lot of value to me)
3.Locate Object - because of bad memory and always losing things.
4.Comprehend Languages, would be pretty awesome.
5.Mending - sometimes you can't replace something but this would let you fix those things.
6.Simulacrum - Permanent seen servant construct as smart as you are when you make it. I am not saying its going to do my job for me but it could do a job and bring me home then extra money....
7.Clone - Makes you immortal by making a younger copy, you die even of old age you comeback as 20 years old.

Edited to add Teleportation Circle because I overlooked my #1 choice. Yep I did that.

 

[77IM]

Ohhh this sounds fun!

FYI, by my calculations, at 20th level you should have 48 spells, 8 of which are level 9 (because you get 2 spells at each of levels 17, 18, 19, and 20).

Cantrips
fire bolt -- kill people with fire all day long
light -- just a neat trick really
mage hand -- for when I can't reach the remote control
mending -- in case I break something
prestidigitation -- instantly destroy forensic evidence

Level 1
detect magic -- uh, in case I forgot where I put all my magic
disguise self -- to sneak around
feather fall -- just in case!
identify -- in case there are magic items running around
mage armor -- for not getting shot
shield -- for REALLY not getting shot
sleep -- non-lethal take-down, or use it on my self every night
unseen servant -- I am lazy

Level 2
detect thoughts -- mind reading!
invisibility -- for super sneaking
misty step -- get out of melee quick
suggestion -- one of the most useful enchantments

Level 3
counterspell -- in case there are any other mages around
dispel magic -- for things I goof up
fireball -- a classic explody spell
glyph of warding -- because I think I can load this up with an 8th-level heal spell (simulated by wish) and then use contingency to plane shift myself to this glyph upon reaching 0 hit points
nondetection -- if wizards are real I'm going to be kinda paranoid
sending -- long-range telepathy could be cool

Level 4
banishment -- for any pesky extraplanar creatures, or just to disappear someone temporarily while I escape
fabricate -- well I'd need to pick up some tool proficiencies to really make use of this but it would still be super handy for furnishing my totally good lair
Mordenkainen's private sanctum -- did I mention becoming paranoid
polymorph -- I've always wanted to turn into animals

Level 5
scrying -- to spy on people! duh
telekinesis -- for the heavy lifting

Level 6
contingency -- good for emergencies
chain lightning -- better than fireball for not hitting innocent bystanders
globe of invulnerability -- great against enemy mages
true seeing -- in case of illusionists

Level 7
Mordenkainen's magnificent mansion -- live in luxury, any time, any place
plane shift -- so I can really get into big trouble
symbol -- to protect my evil lair (uh I meant totally good lair)
teleport -- so I can really get out of big trouble

Level 8
clone -- live forever!
control weather -- people just kind of expect this from you if you're a high-level spellcaster
demiplane -- someplace to store my clone!
mind blank -- to hide from other casters

Level 9
foresight -- to just be better at everything
gate -- for going to new places and making new friends
imprisonment -- because by the time I got 9th level spells I'd probably be a power-mad jerk and trapping people in gems sounds about right
meteor swarm -- sometimes you just need to nuke a place
shapechange -- this just sounds really fun
time stop -- this just sounds incredibly useful
true polymorph -- because by the time I got 9th level spells I'd probably be a power-mad jerk and turning people into turds sounds about right
wish -- for those times when I want to cast a spell I don't have

Arcane Tradition: Abjuration. Because I'm a big weenie.
Spell Mastery: mage armor, for all-day protection; misty step, for constant teleportation.
Signature Spells: sending, to keep in touch with people; and nondetection, again, because I am a big weenie.


EDIT: Swapped out teleportation circle, which is too expensive (see [MENTION=64790]AtomicPope[/MENTION]'s excellent analysis, below), for glyph of warding, just so that I can do a cheeseball heal-panic-escape-cure wounds trick. Also swapped out magic missile, which has unimpressive damage compared to fire bolt at level 20, for identify, because if wizards are a thing I have to assume magic items might be a thing. Also changed Spell Mastery (got misty step, which is fun, and dropped detect thoughts, which is kinda mean) and Signature Spells (got rid of counterspell, which isn't that useful 1/rest, in exchange for sending, which is potentially very useful on a short rest).

 

[ClaytonCross]

--snip--

fire bolt -- kill people with fire all day long
prestidigitation -- instantly destroy forensic evidence
magic missile -- reliable single-target damage, good for killing meddling commoners
mage armor -- for not getting shot
shield -- for REALLY not getting shot
detect thoughts -- mind reading!
invisibility -- for super sneaking
misty step -- get out of melee quick
suggestion -- one of the most useful enchantments
nondetection -- if wizards are real I'm going to be kinda paranoid
fabricate -- well I'd need to pick up some tool proficiencies to really make use of this but it would still be super handy for furnishing my totally good lair
scrying -- to spy on people! duh
contingency -- good for emergencies
chain lightning -- better than fireball for not hitting innocent bystanders
globe of invulnerability -- great against enemy mages
true seeing -- in case of illusionists
plane shift -- so I can really get into big trouble
symbol -- to protect my evil lair (uh I meant totally good lair)
teleport -- so I can really get out of big trouble
mind blank -- to hide from other casters
imprisonment -- because by the time I got 9th level spells I'd probably be a power-mad jerk and trapping people in gems sounds about right
meteor swarm -- sometimes you just need to nuke a place
true polymorph -- because by the time I got 9th level spells I'd probably be a power-mad jerk and turning people into turds sounds about right
wish -- for those times when I want to cast a spell I don't have

Spell Mastery: mage armor, for all-day protection; detect thoughts, for constant mind-reading.
Signature Spells: counterspell and nondetection, again, because I am a big weenie.

So I edited your answer down to really look at what's different between us.... I am so glad magic it not real right now. lol. I am feeling a "I work in customer service" vibe from your post. I was kind of going with the I am the only wizard in the real world approach but that works too. I think I would have switched message out for toll the dead if we are having to deal with other wizards. That said, I am still happy with my list. I would likely take greater invisibility, Mislead, Project Image, and nondetection as my other 4 level 9 spells slots, Banishment would bump control winds (so I could escape my own demiplane) and Detect magic would replace Phantom Steed because I have a car. Otherwise I would still be happy with my list with other mages around.

 

[TaranTheWanderer]

Simulacrum

So I can go out and play D&D while my double Procrastinates and forgets to do his chores.

 

[77IM]

So if there aren't any other wizards in the world, my list would probably be different. But if I'm a wizard I have to assume there are others. Also I've been reading Sepulchrave's Tales of Wyre which has some interesting wizardly politics regarding the trade of spells and magic items... by "interesting" I mean sometimes wizards assassinate each other using "scry and fry" (buff your team, scry on your foe, teleport to their location, and unleash devastating death during the surprise round). So the first line of defense is spells that block scrying, and then spells that block teleportation, and then spells that can extract you from an ambush rapidly.

If there are other wizards, the upside is that we could trade spells. I would want indentify and legend lore, since magic items are probably a thing. Drawmij's instant summons and Leomund's secret chest would be super handy. And I think it would be fun to summon fiends, so planar ally, planar binding and magic circle become indispensable, and dominate monster becomes very useful. And I see you've got arcane lock and continual flame... would you be interested in a trade?

 

[ClaytonCross]

So if there aren't any other wizards in the world, my list would probably be different. But if I'm a wizard I have to assume there are others. Also I've been reading Sepulchrave's Tales of Wyre which has some interesting wizardly politics regarding the trade of spells and magic items... by "interesting" I mean sometimes wizards assassinate each other using "scry and fry" (buff your team, scry on your foe, teleport to their location, and unleash devastating death during the surprise round). So the first line of defense is spells that block scrying, and then spells that block teleportation, and then spells that can extract you from an ambush rapidly.

If there are other wizards, the upside is that we could trade spells. I would want indentify and legend lore, since magic items are probably a thing. Drawmij's instant summons and Leomund's secret chest would be super handy. And I think it would be fun to summon fiends, so planar ally, planar binding and magic circle become indispensable, and dominate monster becomes very useful. And I see you've got arcane lock and continual flame... would you be interested in a trade?

You are correct. I was not thinking about it from the prospective wizards gone wild. However, I feel like their would be a wizard police if they are that common which means some protection like Nondetection are Mordenkainen’s Private Sanctum become vary important. I am updating my design with this in mind but I am having to go through my spells to find the least needed. I might also reformat like your so its easier to read.

 

[ClaytonCross]

Attempt 2 with consideration to other wizards being in the world

Cantrips
Prestidigitation-- clean the dishes and laundry in 6 seconds
Mending -- Fix things that I normally can't.
Create Bonfire -- Warmth, cooking food, and light when you don't have wood or other fuels.
Message -- whispering in a crowded room and being heard as well as at long distances (better walky-talky)
Toll the Dead -- In world of magic this is concealed carry for protection as a defensive deferent. I really like light but I have Darkvision and Continual Flame on my list below which last 8 hours of darkness or permanently with a cover so its kind of redundant. Also, I think the best options are things we can't replicate easily.

Level 1
Alarm -- I could by an alarm system but this I control and might not be easily bypassed with magic
Comprehend Languages -- I like in a country where they speak a language I don't
detect magic -- Notice magic of others
disguise self -- Halloween costumes
feather fall -- Helps with fear of hights
Find Familiar -- A dog I don't have to walk, feed, clean up poop after, and that understands what I say... yes.
Identify -- I might buy stuff from other wizards and want to ensure I know what I am buying
unseen servant -- a helping hand on demand or if I am just being lazy and my Simulacrum "golem" is bruisy.

Level 2
Alter self -- scuba, fighting, look different but not an illusion.
Arcane Lock -- Keep my place safer
Continual Flame -- cheaper electric bill
Dark vision -- because sometimes its better to see in the dark can make it bright
Knock -- I forgot my keys.. not a problem.
Locate Object -- I need this so bad, always losing stuff.
misty step -- great escape spell but also as a signature poof poof poof poof so much fun.

Level 3
Catnap -- sleep is good. I need sleep before handling spells.
dispel magic -- get rid of permanent magic or unwanted effects
Fly -- WEE!!!
Glyph of warding -- defense ...or.. cast fly without your concentration.
sending -- Can you hear me now?

Level 4
Banishment -- Escape from my own demiplain
Greater Invisibility -- … and now you don't
Locate Creature -- Honey where are the kids?
Mordenkainen's private sanctum -- Nope, if you want to teleport to my house do it out side like everyone else
Otiluke’s Resilient Sphere -- Cheaper Invulnerability for 1 tenth the time but you can cast it a lot more. Also, rolling it on water or snow...
polymorph -- I'm like bird I'll only fly away....

Level 5
Creation -- I a new spatula, tire iron, or crowbar but instead of buying one I just summon it when I need it.
Mislead -- no you see me, now you think you see me but I am walking next to you.
telekinesis -- Its telekinesis Kyle! Also, its like a 1000lb limit mage hand for those hard to reach places.
teleportation circle -- I'm going home to the place where I belong... or somewhere I don't but has a circle

Level 6
Programmed Illusion -- Best trick or treat decorations ever...

Level 7
Etherealness -- fly through walls avoiding attacks while invisible to most... ok then.
Mordenkainen's magnificent mansion -- Mobil home+++
Project Image-- Wife wants to shop and see a movie, I want see the movie with her from my couch.
Simulacrum -- He might look like me, know what I know, but he has to obey me and as a "golem" does need.
teleport -- Got some where to be.

Level 8
clone -- Immortality
control weather -- Baby its cold out side.
demiplane -- See dear I cleaned it up! You can't find my mess anywhere.
mind blank -- Stay out of my head. Trust me your better off.
Telepathy -- I finally actually know what my wife is thinking when she says I should.

Level 9
foresight -- better than hindsight though less reliable
time stop -- Because by default there is not enough time in a day... so lets add a little.
wish -- "for those times when I want to cast a spell I don't have" ditto

Arcane Tradition: Divination. Always be prepared.
Spell Mastery: Feather Fall, safety first; Misty Step, poof poof poof poof poof poof.
Signature Spells: Catnap, sleep is import people, and Sending, "911 dispatch 77IM is following me please send the wizard police".

 

[TaranTheWanderer]

Also I've been reading Sepulchrave's Tales of Wyre which has some interesting wizardly politics regarding the trade of spells and magic items...

Isn't it an AMAZING story?