Round 1 Match 4 Judgement: Pirate Cat vs. BSF
Round 1 Match 4:
Pirate Cat vs. BSF
Orchid Blossom
Idolatry – Piratecat
It took me two reading to appreciate what was going on in this story. To be specific, there are lots of small references throughout the story that hint at or tie in with the story of Kyzyk. The protagonist noticing frogs as he’s looking for civilization, the thirst, and even the name of the tavern he finds. Later on when it’s suggested he was drawn there it rings true because it was gently hinted at earlier.
On first reading, some of the description got in my way. I love a good word picture, but some things got two or three when one would do. In the scene where Alicja had pulled the car over, just the phrase about her words or the phrase about her expression would have given us the picture. With so much in the sentence the reader is starting to get lost by the end.
There are a lot of phrases in the piece that mean two things, but I had to read the story the second time to pick them up. “I’m not entirely sure where my internal compass failed me,” is a great one. Physically and spiritually lost.
By the time he gets to the tavern we know what we need to know about our protagonist. His beliefs are deep-seated and he’s holding on to them for dear life. Which is why it bothered me that he never interrupted the old woman in her storytelling. Not to challenge her so much as to discuss what she was saying. I wanted to see him chew over what he was hearing, so when he realized what happened in the morning, it’s the final strike that pushes his mind open enough to accept, if not embrace.
The toad on the pedestal is well used, and the people on all fours is illustrative if not illuminating. I would have liked to have seen the castle used other than a flash. The bride and groom in the bulldozer help start the conversation and are metaphor for how the present barrels over the past, but it doesn’t feel particularly illustratable.
Untitled – BSF
The story felt like two chapters of a larger story. One, the story of how Hugo became a were-toad, and two; the story of how he became a familiar.
They are connected by his slow loss of freedom, but not enough that the change from one story to the next isn’t jarring.
Both parts of the story are necessary. The first half lets us see what’s he’s willing to do to protect his own life, and how far his selfishness goes. We need to know that to understand what agreeing to get married means for him, as well as how his fate is particularly hellish for him.
The trouble comes in that we spend a good amount of time getting to know Lucinda’s family, but very little getting into Gemma’s head. Even though more text is devoted to her, we don’t really get a feel for her, excepting that she might be even more selfish than Hugo.
The picture of the gothic castle and the toad on the pedestal were well used. The castle picture helps paint a picture of foreboding for the wedding night. The bulldozer was the weakest, I felt. It could have easily been left out without affecting the story. The picture of the people on all fours did its job, but if you look closely all three women are wearing head-scarves, so the comment about them being on the unmarried girls contradicts the actual picture.
Overall, I’d like to see the first half shortened up. All we really need is what happened to him, the declaration from Lucinda that he will return, and then his return. The welcome to the family parts from her mother and father aren’t needed. Just a mention of looks from them is enough to bring them in for the picture later. It’s even possible the story could be opened with his return and first experience with his toad form.
(Admittedly, I’m not sure how well that would work, but it’s a possibility.)
These two are so close for me that I could almost roll a die to make the decision. I prefer BSF’s picture use in the round, and Piratecat gave a character that undergoes a definite change and a story that moves more smoothly from one scene to the next.
This one basically comes down to what kind of story I like. I’m throwing this one to Piratecat on the strength of a bit more mystical story and a folktale feel.
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Herremann:
Round One - Match Four Judgment
BSF vs. Piratecat
At this point, I called a short recess to consult the scythe. “It would seem good mistress that we are down a judging imp after you blasted that last one into vapour. Would it be possible to get a replacement to pick up the slack? Perhaps even one of your staff could fill in even?”
‘Lady Death’ then firmly berated me, indicating that it was my own lack of knowledge and management skills that led to the imp being disintegrated and thus my responsibility alone. She felt that most would have dealt with the matter differently and in a far superior manner. I quietly nodded. As if sensing my sullenness at her rebuffing, she then said that she would see if she could get one of her assistants to address the situation with some measure of aid.
From somewhere out of the shadows, a flying imp bowed deeply before standing to immediate attention. This guy was obviously the aid.
“Good Sir,” I said. “We have the serious problem of being down one judging imp. I have need of a replacement and thought perhaps you or even one of your sub-ordinates might be able to fill in … if it was not too inconvenient?” His mood was unreadable. “That way, we would once again have an odd number of imps and thus prevent the embarrassment of a drawn jury.”
He took this information in, silent for a few seconds in concentration before responding in perfect English. “I believe good master I understand the full weight of your quandary and dilemma and have formulated the most efficacious solution encompassing all the variables at my disposal. Would you like me to act upon this Sir?”
Surprised yet welcoming his obvious efficiency and intelligence, I nodded. He then approached the jury, pulled out a wicked looking crossbow and fired it directly into the face of his chosen target. A second bolt to the throat stopped the imp getting up before a third confirmed the kill. Quickly folding the weapon back into an impossibly small pocket, he returned to me, nodded with a smile at his ingenuity before manoeuvring back into the shadows.
Yeah… that was what I had in mind.
Uneasily, I stepped back to the altar and picked up the scythe. She said nothing but I could feel her quietly laughing at me. From behind in the shadows, I sensed several giggles but decided to move on, preferring to appear unreactive to their callous little barbs… at least we would not have a drawn jury for this match... I suppose.
“If the servants of the court would please provide the final two offerings of the evening, we shall commence”. This time, the two imps in finery delivered the articles with an exaggerated sense of purpose. With the two sizeable submissions upon the altar, a quick tapping of her blade started the final match.
“Infernal Jury of high repute, I will require your most considered opinion for the following match. Do not be swayed by external hyperbole or threat but instead be guided by your inner feelings and emotions.” I allowed them to ponder this in confused silence before continuing. “BSF has given us a cautionary tale of particular cleverness and symmetry while Piratecat has delivered the internal struggles of a man fighting his faith before a strangely enforced epiphany changes his outlook. Both stories were convincing at different intervals. However, BSF’s piece delivers a firmer conclusion while Piratecat’s leaves us pondering several matters, muddying the almost simplistic finish. Let us examine both of these offerings further.”
“While I tried to sympathise with BSF’s philanderer, I could not help but smile at the Lady Gemma’s ingenious trap, but then I thought of the cursed were-people soon to wither and die and so in the end, I found it difficult to emotionally attach myself to one side or the other (something I’m not too sure BSF was aiming for). We have a cautionary tale but a tale whose deeper message I’m still not entirely sure I can pin down. As a story I enjoyed the cleverness of its symmetry and in terms of conclusion, it was satisfying enough to produce a hearty smile. But amongst all of this, there was just something a little forced. Perhaps it was the Lady Gemma’s motivations wrapped up all too succinctly in a statement of former betrayal and a stolen hearthstone? A little further explanation of Lady Gemma’s motivation would have been appreciated to really seal the deal. In the end, despite the very occasional phrasing that distractingly stumbled over itself, I found this story quite enjoyable.”
“Piratecat on the other hand has produced a deeper piece, incredibly well voiced throughout. However, it is this clarity of expression that all too clearly reveals a conclusion too convenient and simple. The fact that a terminating “The End” was provided is almost evidence in itself of a writer trying to convince his readers that a satisfying finale has been made. It is my belief that a story’s conclusion should be strong enough that such obvious signage is unnecessary. This is a shame as on the whole, the offering was a pure delight to read and one that had me comfortably sinking into my lounge.”
“And so good jury, we have the awkward task of differentiating between two suitable offerings. If you feel BSF has provided you with the greater enjoyment, a hearty step to your left would be appropriate while if Piratecat has tickled your emotions, congregating to the right would be the correct option.” Even I was a little excited to see which way the imps would go on this one.
There was a period of stumbling movement and separation, with several indecisive shifts from one group to the other and then back again. It seemed the group had neatly separated in two except for one imp who maintained a central position, completely obfuscated by the affair. Both sides were yelling at or imploring the creature to attend their position. A closer inspection revealed that this was the same imp who had been sent face first into the garage by the Gnopf’s reserve projector. Perhaps he had been affected more deeply than previous behaviour would indicate? His semblance was certainly lacking vitality. It then hit me what must have happened: ‘Lady Death’s assistant had crossbowed the larger imp that had obviously been dragging him backward and forward in the previous round’s judgment. Now with no one to pull him this way or that, he lacked all facility in the judging process.
Before I could speak to give further direction, a small group of imps parading pink “Piratecat Fanboy” shirts collected the hapless imp, finally breaking the deadlock to much protest and rowdiness from BSF’s supporters.
“As such, we have seventeen imps for BSF competing against eighteen imps for Piratecat in a perilously close result.” I tapped the scythe to continue. This match was really going to come down to how strongly the competitors used their images. The Gnopf with a simple press of a button provided the first image - a bloated ceramic toad with a look of surprise upon its features.
“Now this image was a centrepiece for both our writers. BSF has had this influence his entire story from the were-toad introduction through to the end, as Hugh becomes the all too surprised familiar candidate, permanently bound by magic. On the whole, exceptionally creative use that directs and flavours the entire piece. “
“Piratecat has likewise used the toad as a symbol to an almost forgotten (but still revered) water deity. This mystical use links well to the “drinking” tavern but not quite as strongly as the connections BSF has developed. As such, and even though I felt both contestants used this image very well, I found BSF to have the best of it. However good jury, it is your opinion that matters so please, vote with a will.”
There was immediate movement from both camps but not in the way I had expected. Several of the larger horned supporters of BSF had taken exception to the previous vote and so were launching themselves deep into Piratecat’s faction. In the end, they found the injured imp and took several others while they were there. Several fights then broke out which I immediately calmed with a vicious warning swipe of the scythe. Her blade was close enough that they could hear her whirring tang as it sliced the air near them. Immediately, the melee separated revealing a tally of nineteen to BSF to Piratecat’s sixteen.
I pressed the Gnopf who with a surprising lack of difficulty projected the next image upon the back of the garage - a strange group of humans walking on hands and feet near a body of water.
“BSF has presented this superbly as the family about to turn into were-toads. With the use of the lake in the background (and even the building as a B&B), I could not help but be impressed at how well this fit BSF’s story. To draw each of the elements from the image into his story was incredibly well done. The only question mark I had was the comeliness of the B&B wench who got the philandering Hugh involved in the first place. Perhaps this is more indicative of Hugh’s lack of selectivity in bedmates? Anyway, the picture was well used.”
“Piratecat has used this as inspiration for the watery nature of the Mongol godling and its followers strange method of prayer. In all honesty, this use of the image’s most prominent feature was a little weak. Perhaps if weightier significance could have been attached to this strange behaviour? As such, the use was suitable but nothing astounding.”
Once more I tapped the scythe for jury deliberation. It seemed now that both sides were firmly entrenched with only minor movement between the two groups. BSF had now pushed his lead to twenty imps to Piratecat’s fifteen. The Gnopf almost before being addressed then rotated to the third image - a gothic style castle of ominous form.
“Now BSF has linked the Gothic nature of the castle to the occasional abode of the witch Gemma. This was OK but not super strong - although in concert with other images, it is quite a nice thread linking them all together. Piratecat has used this as representative of the weight of punishment awaiting his unnamed protagonist if he is to fail in his faith. It is the image he sees and fears if he fails. Is the image enough of a counterweight to represent this? Most probably but really, I think a little more detail would have strengthened the use of this picture. It is a careful line one treads; do you make certain connections obvious and in the process mess with the story’s pacing and delivery or do you leave it unsaid and the reader’s responsibility to join? Story-wise, I think you are forced to go the latter but this is Ceramic DM where the images are everything. As such, this is OK use but with a question mark. Good jury, I now require of you your penultimate position.”
The imps barely moved. Finally a single BSF supporter sneaked across to Piratecat’s side to much booing from one side and hooting on the other. I tapped the scythe, confounded as to the imp’s interpretation of my comments. As I looked across to the imp, he was being showered in praise by Piratecat’s side - their new hero. Perhaps he had a slicker understanding of the judging process than I initially credited? Anyway, that made it nineteen to sixteen in favour of BSF. I nodded to the Gnopf who once again tamed the projector to his will. An image of a freshly married couple being transported in the scoop of a bulldozer appeared.
“Now let it be said that this image was despicably introduced into the set. I’m brought to mind of an image of cheerleaders in fact in trying to think of a picture so at odds with its brethren. How did our submitters deal with this? Unfortunately, not overly well. BSF has tried to link the magics imposed upon the bulldozer sealing Hugh’s demise while Piratecat has it as a fresher interpretation of old Mongol custom whereby the confirming couple hope to succeed in conception. Both felt a little unnecessary without some clever incorporating trick. I’m not saying that either use was unsuitable, simply not inspired. As such good jury, it comes down to your opinion who shall venture forth in the competition and who stands to be reaped.”
Despite fervent discussion and argument from one side to the other, there was a minimum of movement, which is to say none. The final tally then sees BSF victorious with nineteen imps to Piratecat’s vocal sixteen. I could feel the strain from the imps after a truly torturous night and a very close final match. Congratulations to both contestants in a hard fought contest.
Now, to pack everything up and clear everything out of the backyard before my wife wakes up. Goodness knows what she would think of all of this?
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Yangnome:
Pirate Cat - Idolatry
Interesting story. I like the feel and flow of the story and it brings a message along with it. Your voice throughout the story was strong and your characterization were spot on. You made the narrator a likeable fellow, and I think the ending works well for what it is. I read your alt ending and it didn’t ring as true, though it certainly could have been used as well.
I like the frog references through the story; it definitely adds a nice imagery. While it is possible for repetition to become tedious, here I think you manage to pull it off and it really helped the set the tone and ambiance for the story. A lot of your hints are subtle through the story and this really works to set the mood.
Picture use overall was strong. I liked your use of the frog and how it helped shape your story—Herremann was certain this picture would wind up being thrown away in the stories as a wedding gift
. The weakest picture was the castle. It wasn’t important to the story (you could have just mentioned the Kinghts Templar and it would have worked. I also thought that this castle could have served to set the mood in your story. While the bride & groom on the tractor wasn’t integral to the story, I do think it you did a decent job lining up the tradition theme for the rest of the story. The people on all fours picture was well used too.
BSF – Were-toads
I love the fact that you made the frog a center part of your story, if for no other reason that what I mentioned above. This too is a strong entry, though overall it felt a little emaciated. I was hooked from the second line, and it made me laugh out loud. You use a strong voice here and the story was a joy to read.
You give us a very selfish narrator and it would have been nice to see some redemption within the story. There’s a good chance for this once he return to the lake and Lucinda, but I don’t ever feel that he cares about anything more than his own skin. The ending with Gemma worked well, I liked her betrayal, but it felt a bit rushed. I think some more character development on her, and maybe a small hint or two would have helped make this a better ending. Perhaps having him actually fall for her might have worked as well. As it is, I don’t really feel sorry for him when the tables are turned, nor do I really learn any lesson.
Your picture use was strong. Obviously, you made big use of the frog and formed your story around it, but the others were used well too. You gave a fun story to read, but I really would have liked a bit more meat.
This was a good round. I expected it to be close, and indeed it was. Ultimately, I had to side with Pirate Cat as he had a deeper story that meant more to me.
Pirate Cat wins the round 2-1. Thank you both for playing, this was a very fun round to judge. Pirate Cat advances. BSF, please stand by to see the announcement of the losers bracket once this round is complete.
