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Character Limericks

MNblockhead

A Title Much Cooler Than Anything on the Old Site
All DMs are cruel to their player's in some way. It's inevitable. We have to play all the bad guys. But I think I may have gone too far. I'm writing limericks mocking them. :)
Probably too many in-jokes to be funny outside our group, but I enjoyed writing them. If anyone one else has limericks, other poems, or songs about their party...especially mocking in nature, please share!

There was a fey cleric of Telophus
Who was so sincere but a bit pompous
To do good by any means
He tried convorting with fiends
And got one's member down his glottis
And found himself a devil's accomplice

There lives a deep gnome in Keep Calaelen
Keeping bad company with elves 'n men
for foes one and all
he casts fireball
and leaves his burnt friends to the eladrin

We know a halfling thief that exists
Who likes to pick locks with his fists
When treasure he purloins
He leaves behind some coins
Spends the rest on old hags for new trysts


But for the worg/were-tiger with magic jumping goat's feet (Rappan Athuk gets weird...), a simple Limerick doesn't suffice:

{to the tune of "The Beverly Hillbillies"}

Come and listen to my story 'bout a worg named Slumeer
A poor mountain worg, who killed all who came near
And then one day he went out to take a poop
And into the woods came a bumbling group

Men that is, fresh meat, hunt grand prix

Well the first thing you know Slumeer's a something-were
The new group said "Slumeer move away from there"
Said "our keep is the place you ought've been
So he loaded up his loot and moved to Calaelen

Keep, that is. Draining latrines, halfling bars

Slumeer bought a fight pit, lordy it is swank
Next door neighbor's an elf of some rank
Lotta folks complaining, but quietly, in case
Slumeer hears and bites 'em in the face!
 

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GMMichael

Guide of Modos
I don't have any bard-villains at the moment. I'm curious though: how does your bad guy get the PCs to hold still long enough to listen to these? He could send a bard or messenger, but PCs are called murderhobos. . .
 

Fenris-77

Small God of the Dozens
Supporter
I don't have any bard-villains at the moment. I'm curious though: how does your bad guy get the PCs to hold still long enough to listen to these? He could send a bard or messenger, but PCs are called murderhobos. . .
Hold Person - allowing Villain monologues since 1977
 

MNblockhead

A Title Much Cooler Than Anything on the Old Site
One of my players e-mailed me a picture of a map he was keeping of the mega dungeon. As a joke I wrote limericks and jokes mocking him and the other characters and e-mailed it back saying an adolescent cultist got a hold of it. Just a bit of between-session fun.
 

Lanefan

Victoria Rules
This one rewords 'Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm' by the Crash Test Dummies. It's about three different PCs in three different long-ago campaigns.
FRIENDS LIKE THESE​
Once there was this guy who
Couldn't seem to stop himself from blowing up his friends but
When they fin'lly killed him
They found
He'd just come back only stronger
Nobody could explain how he always just di-id that

Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm

Once there was this girl who
Didn't know she had a sword until it really mattered
But when she fin'lly found it
She took
One swing and killed three companions
Nobody could explain why she thought it was so mu-uch fun

Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm

All this points to a dire trend
Who needs foes when you've got friends
It wasn't always like this…

Once there was this guy who
Got sent away to spy on some assassins in a swamp and
When they fin'lly found him
He'd lost
All of his blood 'cept the last drop
Nobody could explain what it was that made him ta-asty
Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm​
 

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