Classic Lines from Players

[ironmani]

My friends and I were palying in a Scarred Lands adventure and we were confronting the baddie at the top of tower. The top of this tower, mind you, was a vault for magic items. Ok got it. So we were all a bit haggared fighting our way to the top of the tower and the baddie was fresh. So we roll to see who goes first, I get it and promptly say, "Is there a window I can tackle and carry us thru?"
Uh its a vault. No windows..... DOH!

Earlier in the same adventure, our party was fleeing a town being overrun by lizardmen like guys, Slitherin I think they were. So we all mount up and I tell the party members, "You guys go, I distract the lizardmen." Since I have the best ride skill check and attack bonus. I figured I would ride into them, scatter them, and flee. We all agreed on the plan. The wizard flees, the cleric flees, then it comes to the fighter.
"I charge the lizardmen to make an attack."
"What are you doing?!?!?!!?"
"Dont worry about it.....ooopps. I failed my ride check."
So now I have to ride into the melee and try and rescue the fighter, I get stuck with 7 arrows, drop to 0 and fall off my horse. I did get rescued and I asked the fighter why he didnt follow the plan.
"I wanted some cheap exp."

 

[kolvar]

PC to prisoner: "We got two options here: Either we kill you, or you tell us everything, or you help us defeat your master."

 

[shadowbloodmoon]

Being the devious DM that I am, I am prone to having seemingly innocent items become deadly animated objects. One fine gaming day, my players' characters were travelling down a lonely path.

Me: "You have been travelling eastwardly all day along the same dry road with nothing but the sound of your own boot steps to keep you company. Eventually however, you come to see a fork in the road."

Player (with a straight face): "Does it attack us?"

'Nuff said.

 

[Ambrus]

In a 3rd edition game recently the PCs kept using the term "spirits" interchangibly while talking about their own souls, the undead, spirit folk (a PC race from the FR Unaproachable East supplement) gods and pretty much anything else they couldn't identify. One of the players in the group is playing an inquisitive but inexperienced gold dragon hatchling. He kept getting confused whenever the other PCs mentioned "spirits" so he asked the PC shaman to explain the word to him. She (the shaman) starts off by trying to explain the concept of a soul, in very simple terms, to the dragon:

Shaman: A soul is like an important part of you.
Hatchling: (looking at his body) Where is it?
Shaman: It's inside you. You can't see it, but it's there. You wouldn't be you without it.
Hatchling: (looks doubtful) I don't understand.
Shaman: It's just like you arm. Would you still be you if you didn't have your arm?
Hatcling: (raises arm and looks at it)
Shaman: It's just like having arms. What would you be without arms?
Hatchling: Uh... Wyvern.

 

[Halivar]

My planar champion arrives on the doorstep of his dead cohort's father's house. He knocks on the door. As soon as the dead dude's father opens it, my champ sez, "I have dire news!"

For some reason, no one will let it die. They keep making mooing sounds and the DM keeps threatening to bring in dire gnus.

It's all very embarassing.

My current paladin-bard shouts, "For great justice!" before he charges. Other choice quotes I plan on bringing in at the appropriate time are "You have no time to survive, make your end!" and, upon defeating the evil king and taking his castle, "All your base are belong to us!"

That's all very embarassing, too.

 

[Thanee]

Doesn't matter if the monster eats your arm, the slime destroys your gauntlets, or you get teleported to hell. It can be an orb of annihilation for all I care... but never... ever... ever touch anything suspicious in a Gygax adventure.

Or anything else, for that matter...

Like in Necropolis... we were touching random stuff all the time making random stuff happen, having no clue whatsoever what that stuff was all about. Did take longer than expected, to put an end to this pointless adventure.

"Hey! Wow! Cool! Look, buttons looking like they depict professions."
"Hey! Wow! Cool! Let's press some, maybe something happens."
"Hey! Wow! Cool! A door opens!"
"Hey! Wow! Cool! Look, more buttons, let's push some of them."
"Hey! Wow! Cool! We ended up in hell."
"Hey! Wow! Cool! Look, there are some necklaces, let's try them."
"Hey! Wow! Cool! We are back."
"Hey! Wow! Cool! Look, more necklaces, can't possibly be bad to wear them."
"Hey! Wow! Cool! Look at all those vampires."
"Hey! Wow! Cool! We are going to die."
"Woohoo! We finally made it!"

Dunno, I don't really like adventures with no clues whatsoever and just random stuff happening all the time. I prefer the players to actually have something to base their decisions on.

Bye
Thanee

 

[Pbartender]

Last night our party's cleric said in all seriousness, "As long as it's lawful, I don't care if it's frivolous."

 

[Darklone]

Check out Old Ones storyhours last update for some classic player comments

 

[fredramsey]

Out of the mouths of Dwarves

Discussing ways to knock out the guard to get the cell keys:

"I say we just toss in a fireball and wait for the keys to cool."

 

[Synchronicity]

OK, here's the setup. We're trampling through a Stronghold of Evil(tm), laying waste to the guards, smiting the 6-armed mutant half-fiend things, saving the trapped puppies and taking all the vaguely shiny stuff that isn't nailed down. You know the drill. Eventually, we come to a room, deserted save for a single man playing a viol. The man, who is a little insane (OK, a lot insane) promptly screams something incomprehensible and charges me, waving the viol threateningly. Then the following exchange happens:

Rog: "Careful, don't let him hit you with that instrument!"
Me: "Why not?"
Rog: "It does viol damage!"

*groan* There were dice thrown at him for that one.