Classic Lines from Players

[liquid]

This weekend, I was running Dead Gods (Planescape) from 2E converted to 3E. The characters were trying to get the 'Thief of Charms' from the Khaasta Bandit-King and cast feeblemind at him. It worked, she took the rod, and proceeded to take off his clothes and place him in bed (eeewwww). When she comes out of the room and down the stairs, she acts like she is fixing her hair and shirt after a night of carnality. Her githyanki bodyguard looked at the halfling who she had fooled, as well as every other PC, and said "Looks like there's nothing to protect now."

 

[liquid]

aaa

 

[Tolen Mar]

We were playing 2E Forgotten Realms. I was Toog of the Shieldbreaker Clan, a half-ogre barbarian (Int 7) dedicated to pleasing Sune Firehair. (The idea was that if I pleased her enough, she would make me handsome). We also had a human paladin. We were in the tower south of the sword coast, I forget its name. I had found a claymore which suited me well enough.

We entered this one chamber to find some roving stone golems (not sure if thats actually what they were, but they were stone and vaguely humanoid), and of course a fight ensues. I smash one with my claymore, but the second one I attack, my sword shatters. I get angry, grab the golem, lift it over my head and pile drive it into the ground, turning it into a pile of rubble. The paladin looks over, sees what I did, and sheaths his sword. He declares that that worked so well, he's going to try it. Imagine a big old half-ogre next to a human paladin. Then imagine my surprise when he makes the strength check needed to do it!

Toog looks at him and says "Little man strong, Toog impressed!"

Those two characters were eventually revived to go adventuring in another campaign together later, as the best of friends.

 

[Impeesa]

DM to fellow player: "Okay, failing your save, you are subject to the effects of Crushing Despair."

Me, chiming in: "Okay, you bugger off to the corner listening to emo music and writing crappy poetry."



--Impeesa--

 

[Hypersmurf]

"Let's split up!" Probably the most commonly uttered line before multiple PC deaths ensue.

Hehe. Yeah. Oops.

"We can make it one more fight." Probably the other most commonly uttered phrase before PC deaths occur as a result of overextending their hit point and spell reserves.

Hehe. Yeah. Oops.

-Hyp.

 

[jeffh]

On a similar note to Kalendraf's suggestions, here's the one I'll never live down:

"Eighteen of them? Shouldn't be too hard. That's only three for each of us."

That encounter ended up being one character short of a TPK (Barbarian movement bonus saved him, I think).

 

[KenM]

Note I got from a DM: "you are no longer a PC"

 

[Halivar]

Got a great one from last night.

My paladin-bard, in the previous encounter, had to win over a dryad, a nyad, and a nymph with his irresistable charm (he's got a Charisma of 17). The only girl in our group (playing a druid) rolls her eyes throughout the entire encounter ("Oh my gosh," she keeps saying, "why are we hanging around these skanks?").

Later on, the druid gets turned to stone. Who ya gonna call? My pali-bard journeys to pull in a favor from his new nymph friend. As he continues to charm information out of her, the girl playing the stoned druid rolls her eyes again.

"Oh, wonderful! Now I have to rely on skanks if I want to live!" The whole group bust out for a good ten minutes.

---
Me as the DM:

Me: blah...blah...blah...there's a door...blah...blah...blah
Rogue: Do I detect any traps?
Me: Well, roll a search check.
Rogue: *rolls* Oh, dang... I rolled a 5.
Me: You don't think you see any traps.
Rogue: Oh, great. Fine. I open the door.
Me: Everyone roll a reflex save.
Rogue: *rolls* *sighs* 10.
Me: Hrmmm... gonna need you to roll a Fortitude save now.
Rogue: *rolls* Well, isn't that nice? Critical failure. Nice knowing you, Amaelia.
Me: Ok. You open the door and nothing happens. Inside is a completely nondescript room with nothing of note.
Rogue: Very funny, jerk.

 

[Garnfellow]

Player 1: [cautioning his comrade /not/ to charge the terrible two-headed giant]: Don't become a cleave statistic!

Player 2: I charge anyway.

Two-Headed Giant: SPLAT.

 

[blargney the second]

In a new game, one of the players is a cleric wielding a morningstar.

First fight: misses every time he tries to hit, does two critical fumbles.
Second fight: misses the invisible wolf every time.
Third fight: resolves with a spell and impressive diplomacy.
Fourth fight: doesn't lift a finger to help his buddies in a tavern brawl.

The cleric goes to a blacksmith to sell his morningstar and buy a rapier. The smith looks critically at the morningstar and says, "I'll give you 6 gp - this thing looks like it's never been used."

The other players laughed about that one for a good long while.
-blarg