Closure with letter writing exercise. ADVICE NEEDED

[reanjr]

Tape/Digital Audio recorder is much better for this sort of thing. One can just ramble on and on and catch every nuance of one's voice. Later, one can compile these into a letter.

In my opinion these letters should always be sent to the person in question (to belittle them, thus making you feel better) or published in a public forum (to get sympathy, thus making you feel better). I am only mildly joking about this sending/publishing thing.

If one sends the letter to the person, one should always thoroughly spellcheck, grammar check, and thesaurus check the document. There is always a more overtly polite, yet subtly enraging way to say something, and this should be among one's primary goals in attaining catharsis. This type of letter should rarely even mention oneself, one's role in any transgressions, etc. It should be focused on the other party.

On the other hand, a published letter of this nature should be almost entirely focused on one's feelings and perceived slights. A more casual tone is appropriate for this type of release, as if one is divulging their daily problems to a trusted friend.

Hope that helps.

 

[reanjr]

(Well, unless you say certain key words several times during the phone call and Echelon/Magic Lantern/whatever-they're-calling-the-surveillance-this-week picks up and flags the recording of your call. )

From what I understand all calls are now indexed. They use voice recognition and store the call as text. They also keep audio copies of flagged calls and a recent audio history of all calls. That way they can do google-like searches on all calls made in the last week, for instance. I am neither trying to make you more paranoid, nor am I joking. I recently saw something on this on the History channel.

 

[Torm]

I really like people and I hate that I have this stupid problem that makes it difficult for me to be around them and also for them to be around me.

Three questions, if you don't mind: 1. Do you have an anxiety dealing with individual people, just groups, or both? 2. Do you find that you tend to get into situations where you make a lot of effort to make someone new your friend, and they tell you what you want to hear, and then never get in touch again? 3. Who do you game with, and how often?

I thought about doing the hermit thing, myself, at one point. Maybe Obi-Wan is a bad influence on our generation er sumtin.

Besides, I'd gladly read a post full of angst if it was helpful in any way.

Ditto. You just go ahead and let it all fall.

I am neither trying to make you more paranoid, nor am I joking. I recently saw something on this on the History channel.

You won't make me more paranoid. I always assume phone calls are logged. And I really don't have a problem with that, so long as it is a computer logging and indexing, and not a human actually listening to every call - not that my calls are anything that would cause me problems, but that would just be creepy.

Right after we found out about Echelon and a few times since, a friend of mine and I have proceeded to use key words we feel sure will get flagged to get our call reviewed by an actual human, and then proceeded to tell jokes and speak to the agent directly. Hopefully, it has put a smile on some agent's face. Or maybe it just means all my calls have been reviewed from that point. Hope they enjoy mindless tedium.

 

[AuroraGyps]

Three questions, if you don't mind: 1. Do you have an anxiety dealing with individual people, just groups, or both? 2. Do you find that you tend to get into situations where you make a lot of effort to make someone new your friend, and they tell you what you want to hear, and then never get in touch again? 3. Who do you game with, and how often?

1. Both. Parties make me nervous, especially where alot of people I don't know are or formal parties (like weddings, showers, big holiday get togethers, etc). Meeting new people is hard and if it's for something important & stressful (like a meeting for SSI), I'll be pretty freaked out. I have problems making phone calls too, the more important, the more stressful (if I make a bunch of calls in a row, I'm actually physically tired). Also, the depression adds to the problem, because when you're depressed, dealing with people is even harder.

2. I'm not sure. I try not to, but sometimes the way we think we're acting comes off differently to other people. I'm pretty sure I didn't used to that, but now, I'm not sure. I just try to be myself, but I also try to make sure I don't get annoying or whatever. I know that other people are busier than I am. I know that some people don't want to make the effort to be friends with me because I don't drive and don't have a lot of $. They don't want me to be a bother and I don't want that either. I just want people to be considerate, honest, and a little understanding. Especially now when I'm so rusty at dealing with people, I'm very wary of making any move. I tried to ask a co-worker if she wanted to catch a movie I'd mentioned, but she was gonna be busy for the whole week and said to get back to her. I had no idea what to do: I forgot to ask for her # or give her mine or my e-mail address. I have no life and I don't know how to fit in with other people's busy lives.

3. I haven't played D&D since March of 2001, and that was because of my problem and then the divorce. I played Changling/Werewolf for about 3 months the beginning of last year, but they didn't like me. I found out on a LJ site that I was too angsty. I thought I was just making conversation, talking about good stuff and bad (ok, more bad, but I think that was an unconscience habit because when nothing's good in your life, that's all ya have to talk about... I really had no idea). Also, they didn't like that I was asking for rides (it was winter in Buffalo and a long bus ride with alot of waiting outside, while it was a quick drive from my place to theirs... I offered to pay for gas or dinner or whatever), and that a couple of times, when they were going somewhere, I asked if they minded me joining (I hadn't been anywhere w/ people for a couple of years... I missed going out w/ people). They were pretty insensitive and they exagerated about some stuff, but I wish I had been able to explain myself, even though I don't think it would have made much of a difference.

So, I don't game. I don't go to movies (it's not the same going by yourself). I mostly go out to run errands, go to appointments, and go to work (when I was working). I also try to avoid grocery stores during busy hours and I don't like malls when they're busy either.

Oh, I don't mind answering any questions. I've always been open about my problems. In fact, I've had to fill out so many releases for my medical records, I keep joking about setting up a web site with all my medical records and other stuff.

 

[Berandor]

If it brings you up, bring me down some more... as long as you share the leftovers with your cat, that is.

What can I say? I'm a cat person.

Edit: I seem to have missed a whole page. Anyway, what I wanted to say: Going to the movies alone is not *that* bad. I kind of like it. now and then, because I can reflect on the film afterwards. You might want to give it a try. In the theatre, everybody becomes part of the audience; it's a communal experience even if you arrive and leave by yourself.

 

[fusangite]

now and then, because I can reflect on the film afterwards. You might want to give it a try. In the theatre, everybody becomes part of the audience; it's a communal experience even if you arrive and leave by yourself.

Let me vigorously endorse that! The solitary matinee may be the masculine equivalent of a bubble bath.

 

[Berandor]

If it brings you up, bring me down some more... as long as you share the leftovers with your cat, that is.

What can I say? I'm a cat person.

Edit: I seem to have missed a whole page. Anyway, what I wanted to say: Going to the movies alone is not *that* bad. I kind of like it. now and then, because I can reflect on the film afterwards. You might want to give it a try. In the theatre, everybody becomes part of the audience; it's a communal experience even if you arrive and leave by yourself.

That's a great analogy if I ever heard one!

(though I like bubble baths)

 

[AuroraGyps]

If it brings you up, bring me down some more... as long as you share the leftovers with your cat, that is.

What can I say? I'm a cat person.

The Chinese was THE BEST. The moo shu was SO good, and they threw in more than just 4 pancakes, plus I got a qt of veggie lo mein... this place makes the best lo mein. I got 5 meals out of everything (I got a qt of white rice too). And I ALWAYS share witht the cat, she gets a taste of anything I eat. Also, little Lady Zeal is still getting over being boarded for 3 weeks for the holidays, and catching a cold, so she's been eating dinner in the living room with Mommy, because she doesn't finish it otherwise.

Edit: I seem to have missed a whole page. Anyway, what I wanted to say: Going to the movies alone is not *that* bad. I kind of like it. now and then, because I can reflect on the film afterwards. You might want to give it a try. In the theatre, everybody becomes part of the audience; it's a communal experience even if you arrive and leave by yourself.

Because I don't drive, it's a bit of a hassle to get to theaters. I have to go REALLY far to get to the one Regal with arena seating that I don't have to walk a mile or so from a bus stop (some movies you have to see at a Regal). I watch a lot of DVDs... well the cat & I watch a lot of DVDs . I turn out the lights and just hang. I can pause whenever I want and I love the DVD extras.
I do like going to events by myself. I've gone to Taste of Buffalo 3 years in a row by myself. I don't have to worry about waiting for people at whatever booth, losing someone in the crowd, and I can take my time.
I also tend to go to the grocery store, I have 2 24 hour ones with in walking distance from my place, late at night. I take my time, check out everything, and enjoy myself alot.
I guess it's a good thing that I'm an only child and don't mind spending time by myself. It's just that all the time is too much.

 

[AuroraGyps]

Bumpy Update

Well, I still haven't written the letter, mostly because I have a bunch of other things on my mind. Having some problems with paperwork and people that are supposed to be helping me at the moment.
I'm STILL waiting for my therapist to return the either of the 2 messages I've left for her last week (not to mention being pretty peeved that the temp. disability papers I sent to her for her/my shrink to fill out got returned NOT filled out and just someone's illegible signature on one form ). I admit, me missing a couple of appointments since I got back doesn't help (had anxiety attacks, but lied and said it was other stuff.... you feel lame after a while calling to cancel for the same reason over & over), but considering how close I am to being suicidal (not sure where I fall into that... I think about it, but I'm not considering it, but I'm kinda close to considering it... kinda confusing), you'd think they'd be more concerned.
Today, I finally made it to recertify (sp?) for Medicaid, Foodstamps, and stuff. I had to cancel the last three appointments because... anybody?... that's right, I freaked out and couldn't make it. I mentioned that I was having a bad month, and how I'm overwhelmed with the paperwork, and a few other things about my health, just so maybe she'd understand a little that... I don't know, maybe that she'd just understand. I was quite tense to say the least... a bit of shaking going on. I wasn't fond of the woman. I'm just so bad at doing paperwork & I can't keep track of all the stuff I've filled out. By the time I was finished with her, I was almost in tears. My last comment (regarding my health) was, "I'm like this close to killing myself (while holding my finger and thumb about 1/2" apart)". She replied, "Well, that won't solve anything," to which I answered, "Yeah, but I wouldn't have to deal w/ anymore paperwork." I was half serious and half not. Ugh, I can't wait to start appealing my SSI not be approved.
I then went to Walden Books, bought Dreamwatch and the new BtVS mag, went over to get a couple of slices of pizza, got my grandma this BIG, awesome card with birds on it (sparrows and other birds.... she loves nature... birds, flowers, etc... & she can put it up as a poster in her room at the home), and lastly went to the downtown library. The library is one of the things I will miss the most about leaving Buffalo... I picked up the new Jim Butcher fantasy novel, the 3rd book in the Sovereign Stone tril, Sunshine by McKinley (supposed to be Buffy-like), The Filtcher's Bride & White as Snow (new in the Windling Fairie Tale series AND they have Canty covers ), 2 BtVS novels, and about 15 graphic novels (including several Hellboy ones, several BtVS ones, CSI, Aria "The Soul Market", & Fables done by Vertigo). Carrying it all was my weight training for the week (a great work out, especially in the cold, windy, and snowy weather we had all day). I've watched all of my BtVS 7th Season DVDS about 2 or 3 times each, I need a break. Plus, this weekend, I'm going to rent three DVDs, with two of them being free (pay for my 12th rental and I get a free rental PLUS, as an employee, I got a free rental and B-Day card from the company). Wegmans will be another thing I REALLY miss about Buffalo, especially since we were listed in Forbes as the #1 company to work for and everybody'll be celebrating that all year.
Ok, I'm done rambling. Can you tell I don't get to talk to people much (my mom doesn't quite count as people )? Signing off from the great white north.

 

[Wycen]

You know one observation I'll make AuroraGyps is that through this digital format you seem to be able to communicate with people on equal footing. Just an observation.